You’re going to want to relax after all this.

Okay, everybody. You know that subtle feeling of holiday anxiety that’s slowly creeping up in the periphery of your mind?

Three weeks ago it was cocky confidence while you were lining up gifts and plans literally weeks before you’d ever even given them a thought in previous years. Then it was post-Thanksgiving joy that you had all the time in the world and actually wouldn’t end up in a crunch for once. The shopping season doesn’t really begin until Black Friday, right?

Then around December fifth probably came the first pang of “oh man, December is here for real, isn’t it?” and the accompanying flash of panic: easily stifled, but definitely there. Now you’re sitting there reading meh.com, and we’re telling you that even if you order right now, you won’t have today’s deal in time for Christmas.

You probably weren’t planning on buying a percussion massager for anyone anyway, but it plants the seed—it’s starting to be too late to order stuff online. Next thing you know, you’ll be trying to solve for every remaining person on your list with no consideration other than shipping windows.

And then there’s travel, or no travel, or stores, or curb-side pickup and can you even order liquor online these days and WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MID-NOVEMBER WHEN EVERYTHING WAS GONG TO BE EASY AND CHILL?

This is where we’d slap you across the face, with love, if we could.

Calm down, Dr. Holiday Panic. Welcome to the shit show. It happens every year and always will. You don’t really want to be the kind of person who finishes shopping in July anyway. Life is for living.

Yes, the holidays are going to be stressful, just like always. And it might be too late to get last-minute gifts from meh, but you’re right on time to place an order for a powerfully badass percussion massager that will be there for you when the stress is over and you’re ready to piece yourself back together again.

Start that process with this no-nonsense massager that is basically a handgun with an 8-ball stuck to the end of it.

You’re going to need it. And hey, you deserve it, too. Order your post-holiday recovery machine right now, then go make some progress on shopping before you hate yourself even more.

Seriously, though…this is an awesome massager and it will obliterate whatever knots and aches you have by the end of the year.