Cleaning House: a Meh-rathon

MACE’s posture goes rigid, but he pretends not to be disturbed.

MACE
What do you know about my work?

ROY
Well, two things. I think I know what it’s supposed to be, and I think I know what it is. What your job is supposed to be is to assist in the cleaning up of messes that threaten to soil all of humankind. But you decided that’s not what you wanted to focus on. No, you wanted to clean up what you deemed to be a messy financial ledger. So you sent three men to my store in the hopes of eliminating me and voiding my pension for the Cleaning Service. Tell me: Am I close?

MACE, no longer feigning bravery, nods. He looks to be on the verge of crying.

While wiping the work laptop of Calvert Harrison, a project manager who recently left his position at the company for a comparable role with a rival, our IT department discovered a Microsoft Word file titled ‘CLEANING_HOUSE_SCREENPLAY_FOR_JS’ as well as several Notepad documents containing phone numbers and email addresses for people with a tertiary connection to Jason Statham. The screenplay was, by all indications, written on company time and therefore, per Calvert’s contract, belongs to us. So, please enjoy these excerpts and stick around all day for great deals on spring cleaning gear and stuff for getting outside. (And Mr. Statham, if you’re reading, this is available!)