Cleaning House: a Meh-rathon

ROY
Now, I’m going to give you a choice because I’m a generous man. Two options. You can either tell me what I should expect from here on out. Or you can drink that vodka.

MACE
That’s it? That’s my choice? Well then, down the hatch!

MACE picks up the vodka and brings the glass close to his lips.

ROY
But just remember, you and your bartender friend were staring off into the distance where I was supposed to be sitting for a solid minute. And considering I got into this seat without you so much as noticing, who knows what I could’ve gotten into your drink.

While wiping the work laptop of Calvert Harrison, a project manager who recently left his position at the company for a comparable role with a rival, our IT department discovered a Microsoft Word file titled ‘CLEANING_HOUSE_SCREENPLAY_FOR_JS’ as well as several Notepad documents containing phone numbers and email addresses for people with a tertiary connection to Jason Statham. The screenplay was, by all indications, written on company time and therefore, per Calvert’s contract, belongs to us. So, please enjoy these excerpts and stick around all day for great deals on spring cleaning gear and stuff for getting outside. (And Mr. Statham, if you’re reading, this is available!)