Burn down the mattress stores.

Hives of scum and villainy don’t get more wretched than mattress stores. These open pustules of fraud run rancid with every rip-off trick in the book, from “how much do you have to spend?” to endless mysterious add-on fees to that one mattress “in the back” they can let you have cheaper. Five minutes of mattress shopping will send you fleeing to the warmth and humanity of the nearest used-car lot.

We know a former mattress salesman who left the scam after selling a 30-year-extended warranty to a 90-year-old woman. We’d call them vultures, but vultures have the decency to wait until you’re dead before they peck your eyes out.

Why is it impossible to comparison shop for mattresses? Or even figure out what mattresses are made of? Because of an honest-to-Xenu conspiracy between mattress manufacturers and retailers that goes back decades. When price-fixing laws in the 1970s forbade manufacturers from dictating minimum retail prices, they struck deals with the big stores to offer “exclusive” models. Nobody else could undercut the store’s prices on that model because nobody else sells that model.

That’s why, if you like a mattress at one store and try to find it at other stores, you won’t - not under that name, even though all the stores basically have the same few types of mattresses. Beyond the baloney about coil counts and stitching patterns and ticking material, the different model names have cosmetic differences, at best. You don’t have to be Ralph Nader to figure out who cashes in on this fog of anti-competitive confusion.

Every mattress store is running a huge sale, all the time, because their sticker prices are total bullshit to begin with. Every mattress salesperson is a sketchy, evasive creep because they’re trying to rip you off.

We can offer you this Boyd 408 Gel Memory Foam Mattress so much cheaper than anywhere else because we’re not pulling that shit. It’s amazing what you can do when your business isn’t based on wringing 200% markups out of sweet old ladies.

Straight up, this is an 8" memory foam mattress infused with a layer of gel and venting channels that allows for greater air flow and hence stays cooler than standard memory foam. The Boyd 408 debuted in 2012 as a solid mid-price option for people who won’t spend two grand on a memory foam mattress but don’t want a crappy cheapo one, either. So today you get a middle-tier mattress for a bottom-tier price.

Best of all, we can sell it to you for this price without having to “ask our manager”.