Boneco Personal Humidifier, Fan, and Waterless Aroma Diffuser
- A three-piece bundle of decadently selfish personal comfort gear
- Humidifier? Yes. Fan? Also yes. Diffuser? Of course. Sharing? Fuck no.
- We’ll try to make sure the shipping box says “meh” and not “Boneco”
- Can it make margaritas: well, it has a fan, so with some effort, maybe
Everything is Terrible
The science fiction genre has spent so much energy exploring the existential implications of various bleak and dystopian futures.
It’s almost like all those writer types were so busy shoehorning inter-dimensional sex scenes into their screenplays that they never made the time to take a deep breath, look around, and soak in the loveliness of our bleak and dystopian present.
But holy crap, just look around. We don’t know what you’re into, but it’s probably a mess.
If you’re into a particular movie, chances are that there’s a few thousand people on an Internet forum out there discussing how your tastes prove that you’re an actual piece of garbage.
If you love your new skin moisturizer, it’s probably killing the habitat of some rare and charming monkey.
Your coffee straws are killing sea turtles and your crypto habit has your personal net worth fluctuating like the bass boost meter on an old-school boom box (with batteries that just died).
In short, everything sucks and all interests are a problematic mess that would make Aldous Huxley blush.
So what can you do about it?
Radical, hedonistic personal comfiness. That’s what you can do about it.
Today’s Boneco Bundle rolls off the tongue in an alliteratively satisfying way, though it also feels like the manufacturer is taking the trade name “Boneco” away from any number of other companies that would make better use of it.
Either way, today we’ve got some serious gear for you. You get a personal humidifier, which ensures that all the airborne moisture droplets you’re generating are going right to you and not disappearing into the dry nooks and crannies of the surrounding environment.
You get a fan. But not an everybody fan. A you fan. It’s just for you.
And a diffuser. If you’re sharing an enclosed space with other humans, they are probably smelly sometimes. Make your personal area smell like whatever you want—just for you.
So yeah. Maybe the world is burning down around you and every silver lining includes a touch of actual shit. But we can make it a little more pleasant. For you, anyway.
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Boneco Personal Humidifier, Fan, and Waterless Aroma Diffuser 57
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Super Bass: Mad Ape Den Karaoke 0
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What’s the most self-indulgent thing you can do? 35
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Inflatable Houndoom! 21 -
What are you working on? 166 -
WTF did I buy??? 37 -
Brand name 9 -
[Blanket expression of holiday felicitations applicable to the interests and proclivities of the recipient.] 7