Bēm Wrist Speaker
- Think of it as Siri on your wrist. Or Google Now. Or whatever imaginary boyfriend/girlfriend you use to control your phone
- Start a timer in the kitchen, add a reminder to your calendar, ask what time the game starts, all that essential stuff humanity somehow lived without for 200,000 years
- Take calls on it and tell yourself it’s somehow easier than just taking the phone out of your pocket
- Rechargeable battery lasts for up to 6 hours of talk time - can you?
- The only 100% effective form of birth control
- Model: HL2331 (ideally it would have something more meaningful or mnemonic, but two letters, four numbers, that’s all a model number should ever need, so bravo)
Be careful what you wish for.
“Who disturbs the slumber of Mehzaam the Meh Genie?”
Aw, crap. Did I brush against that damn lamp again? I was just reaching for that bag of biscuits-and-gravy flavored chips.
“Ah, Master! You have summoned me to fulfill your third wish, I presume?”
No, no. I learned my lesson with the first two wishes. And of course, the bag of chips is empty. Great.
“Was Master displeased? I granted your wishes, precisely as bidden.”
Yeah, I know. I wished for Woot to have enough money to last forever, and they got bought by Amazon.
“Where they will live unto eternity, as Master wished.”
Don’t remind me. So then I just wished for amazing deals on electronics, at a price that was just insane.
“And I delivered to Master week upon week of drastically reduced speaker docks.”
Yeah, a speaker where you have to leave your phone stuck in one spot to use it. Good one. That’ll teach me.
“If Master’s wish is to forfeit his third wish…”
Ooh, you’d love that, wouldn’t you? No way. You’re not screwing me out of my third wish with this monkey’s paw crap. No way is some ghost in silk pants and curly shoes gonna get the better of me.
“Why, whatever does Master mean?”
Save the innocent little genie act. Just, just give me a second here. I gotta think up a wish you can’t cheat me out of. More of those chips, maybe? No, hang on… hang on… OK, got it.
“Master’s wish is my command.”
Every day I want a good deal on a tech product I’ve never seen before.
POOF “As Master wishes. Check Meh tonight and all shall be revealed. Now Mehzaam’s service to Master is complete.”
With a wish that well-crafted, it better be good. I covered all the bases. And uh, hey, sorry for that crack about your pants. But it shouldn’t affect my wish.
“Does that sound like something I would do, Master?”
