7-Pack: Comfort Republic Bamboo Viscose Briefs

  • Made from bamboo but there won’t be any splinters
  • Consult the size chart before you buy, because you’ll probably want to get a couple sizes larger than you’d expect
  • Totally random assortment of colors
  • Are they Mac compatible: No, Macs don’t have legs or thighs or any of that stuff. What kind of question is this?
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We'll Be Brief

We now return to the Hallmehrk Channel Classic, The 12 Beignets Of Christmas, currently in progress…

The newly reunited couple, Thad and Julia, walked hand-in-hand through the center of their small Louisiana town, which was decorated in much the way you’d expect a Louisiana town to be decorated for Christmas, given the various customs of the region.

“You did it,” Thad said. “You won the 12-day beignet baking contest and raised the money required to save your grandmother’s farm! And right in time for Christmas, no less!”

“Yes,” Julia said. “Now the various crops and livestock of Louisiana–which we both know and, therefore, need not be named–have been saved! But Thad, I couldn’t have done it without you. When you came back here I was little more than a clerk at the local inn. Why, I hadn’t baked a single beignet since we broke up. In high school.”

“Yes, that’s right,” said Thad. “We’re in our late thirties, we definitely still talk about what happened in high school! And that’s not weird or sad at all!”

“But now, I see this is my calling,” Julia said. “I want to open a beignet bakery. And, Thad, I want you to move back and use all the business skills you acquired in the big city to run things.”

“Wow, Julia,” Thad said. “I would love to.” The two of them stopped and embraced. But suddenly, Thad released her. “There’s only one problem. I’ve gotten used to certain big-city comforts. For example, I no longer wear tighty whities, nor do I wear big bulky boxer shorts. Instead, the cut of my many designer business suit pants requires I don snug yet forgiving boxer briefs. Where could I buy such a thing around here?”

“Why don’t you just order them online?” Julia asked. “You could get a 7-pack of them on Meh today, as a matter of fact. Just make sure to maybe buy a couple sizes up.”

Thad squinted at her, amazed. “They have the internet around here?”

“Of course,” Julia said. “Despite what the people who write this shit seem to think, these small towns aren’t entirely backward.”

“Oh, okay, cool,” said Thad. “Then yeah, let’s do it. I’ll stop being a day trader to run a bakery. That makes total sense for me, financially.”

They embraced again. “Oh, Thad,” Julia said. “You’re the cup of gumbo to my… uhh… traditional Louisiana sandwich.”

“Is it a muffin?” Thad said. “A muffin-something?”

“I think you’re only making it worse,” Julia said.

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