Savor the Season

Pumpkin spice lattes? You thought that was bad? Buddy, you have no idea! You might not have realized it, but Halloween is a threshold. Suddenly you go from “fall” to “the holidays.”

In the coming weeks and months, you will consume your weight several times over in sweets. Giant meals will be followed by custard baked into pie shells. Chocolate will be consumed in solid and liquid form. Egg yolks, cream, sugar, booze, and nutmeg will be mixed into a cocktail, and you will have several glasses despite the fact that each one contains the caloric content (but definitely not the nutritional value) of a complete breakfast.

And, okay, fine. Maybe this doesn’t sound so bad. But when you’re in the thick of it, you’ll occasionally need respite. Which is why you should have a stash of snacks that are a) not too heavy, and b) not too sweet.

In other words, you should buy some of these delicious beef jerky sticks. They’re spicy, savory, low in sugar, low in carbs, and high in protein, and each one is just 100 calories.

Considering all that, it’s no wonder these are endorsed by all sorts of beef celebrities. We’re talking luminaries like:

• Steak Gyllenhaal
• Beefer Sutherland
• Ribeye-la Fisher
• Thom Yorke Strip
• Tartariana Grande
• Seth St-Rogan-off
• Colin Jroast
• Hilary Asaduff
• Jon Hamm(burger)
• Veal Patrick Harris

Terrible? Yes, but admit it: you laughed.

Anyway, buy some beef sticks.