Cleaning House: a Meh-rathon

ROY manages to trip POWER-ROY. POWER-ROY rolls over, but ROY has already taken off sprinting in HAL’s direction, leaning down along the way to grab a baton off one of the fallen HENCHMEN.

HAL looks up from his tablet just as ROY gets to him. ROY rears back with his free hand and slaps HAL hard across the face. The cigar soars through the air, hitting the perfectly white wall behind him, leaving an ashy smudge.

HAL
(rubbing his jaw)
Was that really necessary? Or did you just need to get one petty hit in before you die?

Across the warehouse, POWER-ROY gets up and begins running. He’s coming incredibly fast.

ROY
See, Hal, you know what your mistake was?

HAL
What’s that?

ROY
You told me that you gave him my mind. Which I happen to know quite well. And you know how I hate a mess.

POWER-ROY rushes right past them, straight to the smudged wall.

POWER-ROY
Now why’d you have to go and do that?

While wiping the work laptop of Calvert Harrison, a project manager who recently left his position at the company for a comparable role with a rival, our IT department discovered a Microsoft Word file titled ‘CLEANING_HOUSE_SCREENPLAY_FOR_JS’ as well as several Notepad documents containing phone numbers and email addresses for people with a tertiary connection to Jason Statham. The screenplay was, by all indications, written on company time and therefore, per Calvert’s contract, belongs to us. So, please enjoy these excerpts and stick around all day for great deals on spring cleaning gear and stuff for getting outside. (And Mr. Statham, if you’re reading, this is available!)