Cleaning House: a Meh-rathon

32. MACE nearly jumps out of his seat. ROY is suddenly sitting in the seat right next to him. >BARTENDEROh, there he is. He’s the one who ordered you a drink. Enjoy.The BARTENDER walks away.>MACEThanks, but no thanks, buddy. I don’t drink vodka.>ROYWell, maybe you should start. You know why?>MACEWhy?>ROYVodka doesn’t stain. It doesn’t make a mess. And that’s supposed to matter to someone in your line of work, isn’t it?___While wiping the work laptop of Calvert Harrison, a project manager who recently left his position at the company for a comparable role with a rival, our IT department discovered a Microsoft Word file titled ‘CLEANING_HOUSE_SCREENPLAY_FOR_JS’ as well as several Notepad documents containing phone numbers and email addresses for people with a tertiary connection to Jason Statham. The screenplay was, by all indications, written on company time and therefore, per Calvert’s contract, belongs to us. So, please enjoy these excerpts and stick around all day for great deals on spring cleaning gear and stuff for getting outside. (And Mr. Statham, if you’re reading, this is available!)