5-for-Tuesday: SmartStand Compact Phone & Tablet Stands
- You can either get 5 stands, or you can get a neck brace from staring awkwardly at your flat phone or tablet.
- To be clear: we are not selling a neck brace, only 5 SmartStands.
- They fold down for travel and can fit in your pocket.
- They come in 3 different colors. Choose the color you like. Or not. They’ll be pretty much invisible behind your device.
- This isn’t complicated.
- Models: SSB2, SSP2,SSW2. If we had to guess, we’d say the B stands for “Badass,” the P stands for “Phat,” the R stands for “Redonkulous,” and the W stands for–oh, wait, sorry. They correspond to different colors.
No Sir
There were only two of them in the conference room, but when the engineer placed the SmartStand prototype on the table, his hands still shook with anxiety, as if he were making a presentation to the entire company. In a way, he was. Across the table sat the founder and CEO.
“Looks simple.”
“Just as you asked, sir,” the engineer said.
“So let’s talk features,” said the CEO. “It can hold your tablet or phone while you’re cooking, so that the recipe is easy to read?”
“Yes, sir,” said the engineer.
“And it tracks the ingredients used, placing orders based on what’s running low in your cabinet and refrigerator?”
“No, sir.”
“Can it intuit how romantic a given meal seems, and adjust the room’s lighting accordingly?”
“No, sir.”
“Does it feature an olfactory sensor that reads the smell of the meal and gives spicing advice?”
“No, sir.”
“Let’s talk about travel use: on an airplane, it can hold up your phone or tablet making it easier to watch a show or movie?”
“Yes, sir.”
“And it can place drink orders with the flight attendant, based upon the mood of said show or movie?”
“No, sir.”
“Can it message the gate attendants of your connecting flight, informing them when delays get in the way of your lunch or dinner plans, so they know to have a torta from Frontera waiting for you?”
“No, sir.”
“Tell me that it can at least read the forecast for your destination and place orders for weather-appropriate pants.”
“It can’t, sir.”
The CEO stared for a long time at the prototype. “So, it’s not ‘smart’ at all?”
“Well, sir,” the engineer said, “I like to think of it like this: by adding a number of attention-grabbing but ultimately unnecessary and overcomplicated ‘smart’ features, we’d only introduce the possibility for bugs and glitches. Not to mention we would have to put out different models for different phones and tablets. So, despite how it may seem, this is a ‘smart’ product, in that simplicity is smart, because it leads to ease of use and universal compatibility.”
The CEO pounded his fist on the table. “I like that! I like that a lot! Not smart is actually smart! That’s great! That’s gonna help me a lot, not just at work, but also in my personal life!”
“Actually, sir, what I said was simplicity is–”
“You’re promoted, engineer. You’re now vice-founder. You’ll receive a 700% raise. But sorry, I cut you off. What were you saying?”
“Nothing, sir,” said the vice founder.
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5-for-Tuesday: SmartStand Compact Phone & Tablet Stands 71
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Hey Everybody, It's Glen - Messed Up Audio 10
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Where do you get your recipes from? 54
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I hv bought many items via meh.com including my Martian Watch. Do you know anyone that could help w a support problem . 9 -
Just sharing a dinner pic with you. 42 -
Concerning typos/omissions/mistakes, etc. in writeups 6 -
Meme thread (humor) 4 -
[Blanket expression of holiday felicitations applicable to the interests and proclivities of the recipient.] 13