Meat For Mittens

Hello, it is me, your cat. Do you remember me?

Sorry, of course you do. We live together. I only asked in the first place because memory can be a strange riddle sometimes.

Take mine, for example. A door shutting erases all knowledge of what’s behind it. Even if it’s a room I’ve been in thousands of times, I find myself overcome with curiosity about its environs as soon as they are closed off to me.

And this rule? That I am not allowed on the kitchen counter? You claim we have had lengthy discussions about it, but friend, I swear: it is news to me!

On the other hand, if you open a drawer where you once, eight years ago, kept cat treats, I will come running for a snack. Moreover, if you give me wet food at night or in the morning once, I will expect if at that exact time forevermore. And I mean that exact time. I don’t want to hear anything about this daylight savings nonsense.

Though, as a generous and noble act of compromise, I am willing, from time to time, to take my wet food earlier. Or to take additional wet food later. Such are the changes I can make to ensure our agreeable cohabitation.

Which is all to say: you better have some wet food on hand at all times.

Like this stuff. It’s got no grain, no filler, and will run you more than a dollar per can on Amazon (where, I’ll add, it earns an impressive 4.1 out of 5 based on more than 1300 ratings). Today, you get 48 cans for 24 dollars. A very good deal!

I should, however, to make something clear: as a cat, I live each day in pursuit of C and C. By which I mean, cuddles and chaos. The cuddle-seeking occupies roughly five percent of my waking life. The chaos part takes up the rest. Thus, when faced with two choices–option one being that I accept and enjoy the cat food you bought in bulk at a steep discount, thus making your life easier; and option two being that I turn my nose up to it without ever taking a bite, leaving you frustrated and with a big pile of cans to offload onto someone else–there’s a good chance I’ll take the latter.

Then again, maybe I won’t. You’ll just have to buy it and find out.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I must be getting back to sleep. Seriously, this is the longest I’ve been awake in years, and there’s a basket of clean laundry in the bedroom calling my name.