Meh warehouse is running with essential staff to help customers stay at home during the COVID-19 pandemic.

4-Pack: Charcoal Teeth Whitener

  • From the depths of darkness comes a light
  • Blind your friends over Zoom with bright white chompers
  • Apparently it’s good for coffee stains, tea stains, cigarette stains, and colored drink stains
  • Has orange seed oil and organic peppermint oil in there too
  • Model: TI-CTW-4PK, because it’s totally incredible, cool, and terrific wonderful for (4) p-something k-something
see more product specs

Not A Very Absorbing Read

It’s hard to wrap your mind around a whitener made of charcoal. Like, because, you know, it’s charcoal. The darkest stuff there is. The stuff associated with soot. So how does it whiten teeth?

The actual product copy doesn’t really give too much help here: “A lot of people use this to remove stains on their teeth from coffee, red wine drinkers to smokers.” That’s about as much as they say. (And, I’m a little confused; red wine drinkers and smokers alike use this stuff to remove coffee stains from their teeth?)

My only guess at a plausible explanation is that it has to do with charcoal’s absorbent properties. I know about this because one time my dog wouldn’t stop drooling so I took him to the vet. They thought he might’ve eaten something bad, so they force fed him charcoal to absorb any potential toxins. When we came home, he promptly vomited, leaving an enormous ink-black stain on my rug that I had to have professionally cleaned.

So maybe the charcoal on your teeth absorbs gunk much like the charcoal in my dog’s stomach was meant to absorb whatever was making him leave drool puddles everywhere before it was expunged from his body as dark ooze. (He’s fine, by the way.)

None of this is a big-time endorsement. But then again, this is a 4-pack of this stuff for just $16. So, sure, you might look down and you see this:

And sure, you have to look in the mirror and see something like this:

Or this:

But, in the end your teeth might look like this:

And isn’t that worth a shot for $4 a pop?

So far today...

  • 67557 of you visited.
  • 38% on a phone, 3% on a tablet.
  • 4107 clicked meh
  • on this deal.

And you bought...

  • 295 of these.
  • Deal ended .
  • That’s $5378 total.
  • (including shipping)

Who's buying this crap?

How many are you buying?