We’re not selling this deal anymore, but you can buy it at Amazon

3-Pack: Uniden 37-Mile/22 Channel GMRS 2-Way Radios

  • Three handsets: one red, one blue, one black (the other two Voltron lions have to get their own)
  • Purely hypothetical “37-mile” range is still pretty powerful at this price, if nowhere near 37 actual miles
  • 22 channels: 15 GMRS, 7 FRS, no HBO or Showtime
  • 7 NOAA weather channels: get ready to party with the National Weather Service Severe Hazard Zoo Crew!
  • Model: GMR3740-3CK (too long, but we’re so bewildered by the many permutations of two-way radios that we’ll give them the benefit of the doubt)
see more product specs

Miles, Shmiles

“Up to 37 mile range,” the specs say. Yeah. Right. Sure. Maybe if you and your conversation partner are each at the top of a mountain peak, with no other mountains in your way and perfectly clear weather, you could converse from 37 miles away. But we have no way of knowing for sure, do we?

They might as well tell us the range through the void of outer space, or along a mathematically flat plane in a frictionless vacuum, or in the Forbidden Zone. It’s purely theoretical.

It does measure something, though: relative transmitting power. And that does directly affect the actual range in practice. Under the same conditions, 37-mile radio will have a greater range than a 24-mile set, which will reach further than its 20-mile counterpart.

It’s just unfortunate that the default unit of measurement has become “miles”, a term that does have a very specific, concrete meaning down here in the mud where we mortals frolic. And it’s awfully convenient that that measurement just happens to mislead buyers into thinking that these two-way radios - all two-way radios - are a great deal more miraculous than they are.

For this price, 37 miles is pretty good, as long as you don’t expect it mean you can actually communicate across 37 of what you Earthlings call a “mile”. When we are dictators, we’ll force radio manufacturers to give that unit some other name. Hmm, let’s see, maybe 37 blungles, or 37 florbs, or how about 37 Rutledges… well, we’ve got some time to consider other suggestions.

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