Meet the robot voices of NOAA radio!

Some people love these Cobra handheld weather radios because the automatic NOAA emergency alerts could literally save their lives. Some people love them because having weather radios on hand reassures your grandparents that you’re gonna be OK. And some people love them for the personalities.

(RECORD SCRATCH) Personalities? On NOAA radio?

You know it, Weather Nation! The computerized voices of the National Weather Service Severe Hazard Zoo Crew have been rocking the airwaves since local human announcers were phased out in the late 1990s. They reach 90% of U.S. territories with their stormin’ blend of emergency warnings, weather forecasts, and Christmas carols. Now let’s get to know the faces behind the voices!

Tom: The ringmaster of this meteorological circus since 2003, Tom has won over fans at all elevations with his uninhibited, no-BS take on everything from high winds to tide levels. Hold on to your umbrellas, Weather Nation! You’re always in for a dangerous ride when Tom’s at the mic!

Donna: She’s more than just another pretty face. Donna can go toe-to-toe with Tom anytime, and she doesn’t let him get away with much! Down at the station, they’re always getting postcards and letters with marriage proposals from male fans enchanted by Donna’s sultry voice and no-nonsense personality. But sorry, fellas: she doesn’t exist.

Javier: La voz of the NOAA’s coverage en Español boasts a smooth, sonorous delivery that almost sounds like an actual human being. When he’s not alerting Spanish-speaking listeners about weather forecasts and emergencies, Javier enjoys spikey hair, tank tops, and mirrors.

Craig: Rarely-heard Craig lasted only a year as host of the Severe Hazard Zoo Crew, but to a loyal faction of devotees in Weather Nation, he’ll always be a legend. He left the team in 2003 to devote more time to his collection of replica muskets.

Paul: The original voice of the NOAA. Paul blazed the trail. He set the tone. He created the show that everyone since has been trying to emulate. After his pioneering run, Paul retired in 2002 because nobody could understand what he was saying.

We never know what those wacky lunatics on NOAA radio might get up to next. The one thing we do know is that we’ll keep listening! Because otherwise we might die!