Cleaning House: a Meh-rathon

ROY gets to his feet and moves to HAL.

HAL holds up his hand, backing away.

HAL
Roy, now let’s be reasonable here.

ROY
I’m not going to hurt you, Hal. Because you’re already a dead man.

HAL
What?

ROY
See, I was a little late tonight because I had to put in a call. To the Cleaning Service Board. Turns out, they hadn’t heard of your little spring cleaning program. You know what else they found? The pensions of the spring cleaned agents weren’t going back into the Service’s coffers. No, instead, they appeared to siphon into your own pension. So the board? They agreed to end the spring cleaning program, but only after they took care of one more agent: you. And your pension will be split between the families of all the agents you took down.

HAL
And you’re not the one doing the spring cleaning?

ROY
No, like I said, Hal, I’m not going to hurt you. That means you’ve got a head start.

HAL
(smiling)
Wow, Roy. I always knew you were a friend.

ROY
Nah. They couldn’t afford me. Besides, you always have been a bit of a paper pusher. I give you a day at most.

HAL’s smile fades, and he rushes out of the warehouse.

While wiping the work laptop of Calvert Harrison, a project manager who recently left his position at the company for a comparable role with a rival, our IT department discovered a Microsoft Word file titled ‘CLEANING_HOUSE_SCREENPLAY_FOR_JS’ as well as several Notepad documents containing phone numbers and email addresses for people with a tertiary connection to Jason Statham. The screenplay was, by all indications, written on company time and therefore, per Calvert’s contract, belongs to us. So, please enjoy these excerpts and stick around all day for great deals on spring cleaning gear and stuff for getting outside. (And Mr. Statham, if you’re reading, this is available!)