You Don't Have To Be A Member To Shop Here, But It Helps To Be Crazy

Days like this were made for MEMBERSHIP.

Today’s deal is good example of a Member-friendly sale. Have you heard about our newly retooled Membership program? It’s $4.99 a month, and you get unlimited shipping. Some would call this “free shipping”. But it is obviously not. It’s $4.99 a month. Anyway, it works across our family of stores (Meh, Casemates, Morningsave, and maybe more to come, if we can crack the complicated network of state laws governing the exotic reptile trade.)

It’s typical of a Saturday deal around these parts — priced low enough that the shipping cost becomes a significant factor. We think they’re a pretty good deal at nine bucks for two of ‘em ($4 plus shipping). For anyone enrolled in the Membership program, though, they’re silly cheap. Two dollars apiece! That’s tooth fairy money. Novelty souvenir penny-squashing money. Maybe-you-wouldn’t-stoop-to-pick-it-up-off-the-sidewalk-in-quarters money. For four dollars, you can buy them to give away, or to take apart, or just to find out what your order number might be. It’s fun!

But let’s take a moment to appreciate the non-Member types who make that fun possible.

In a bunch of obvious ways, we’ve designed this little store to repel casuals. The product descriptions are weird, and sometimes not even all that descriptive. (Will I ever get around to extolling these trackers’ features, for example? No, it seems like I won’t.) The forums are full of in-jokes. And there’s usually a shoddy puppet show taking up as much space on the front page as the product photo. A new visitor surfing in off the cyber-street could be forgiven for turning right back around and exiting after just one whiff of this weirdness, like Grandpa Simpson seeing himself out of the Maison Derrière.

Thank goodness for those who don’t. Thank goodness for those who think “this store is strange, and I don’t want to mix with these oddballs, but this is a good deal on [WHATEVER IT HAPPENS TO BE], so I’m going to buy it and be on my way.” Those apprehensive one-time visitors to our strange land are subsidizing the deals for our user population’s hardest core: Members.

We are the offbeat neighborhood bar they just happened on, where nobody knows their name. And they found the music off-putting, and there was some kind of nutty trivia thing happening, which they didn’t really get, but all the weirdos in the place seemed super into it. Anyway the drink prices were good, so they wetted their whistles and settled up. And we regulars smiled and waved and saw no reason to tell them as they left that the bartender charges us significantly less for ours.

Everybody’s happy! It works out.

And every once in a while, one of those wide-eyed tourists comes back for a second tipple. And a third. Lovingly, we take them into our clammy embrace. Gooble, gobble, we accept them. One of us, one of us. Have you heard about our Membership program?