2-Pack: Pepper Spray And Personal Alarm

  • Get this 2-pack of pepper spray and put one in your bag and the other next to your pepper grinder
  • Includes 2 “dual siren” alarms that can be heard from 600 ft away
  • “Maximum strength formula” makes us wonder why you would ever want a low strength version
  • We can’t sell to DC, Massachusetts, New York, or Wisconsin (or Alaska or Hawaii, per usual)
  • Model: HCPA-RDOC (This model number is in a hard-fought SEO battle with a health journal article entitled “Rumination as a Marker of Psychological Improvement
    in Transsexual Women Postoperative” – who shall emerge victorious?)
see more product specs

Fear Fearmongering

We want you to buy this pepper spray, obviously. We’re a store — that’s our raison d’ê·tre. And the most effective way to do that would be to convince you that you’re not safe without it.

But scare tactics are lame. The scare tactics employed by cable news companies to sell ads have rendered us a deeply fearful nation already. The last thing we need is some daily deal site adding to the paranoia.

If you choose to buy this two-pack of pepper spray, do it for one of these reasons:

  • It will give you some peace of mind
  • You can’t resist a good deal
  • You’ll use the built-in alarm system to prank a loved one by scaring the crap out of them as they enter the room

But don’t buy it for this reason:

  • NONE OF US ARE SAFE BECAUSE CRIME IS OUT OF CONTROL AND IT’S DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE SO I SHOULD TAKE THIS

Because, objectively, violent crime rates have been dropping steadily for almost 30 years:


(Source: The Uniform Crime Report)

Though it’s all relative. Violent crime rates are still way higher than they were in the 1960s, and ~15 times higher than a country like Japan. So while crime may not be “out of control” relative to recent history, it’s certainly still “present.”

See? It’s hard to sell personal safety equipment without falling into fearmongering. Though it’s pretty rad how the pepper spray includes UV-marking dye to help identify your ATTACKER.

Dammit, there we go again.

So far today...

  • 66779 of you visited.
  • 39% on a phone, 6% on a tablet.
  • 5009 clicked meh
  • on this deal.

And you bought...

  • 673 of these.
  • Sold out at 8:01pm ET (see more)
  • That’s $13556 total.
  • (including shipping)

Who's buying this crap?

How many are you buying?