L'il Speakers

Hell yeah! A couple little speakers! Right in time for summer!

They’re super portable and cute. Which means, you can take them wherever you need to go. To the beach. To the picnic at the park. To the pool. To the backyard barbecue. To a quiet, air-conditioned room with the shades drawn.

Anywhere!

And you can use them to listen to whatever you want. Podcasts. Audiobooks. Classic rock. Or, you could listen to the summer’s biggest hits.

Now, being a geriatric millennial myself, I won’t claim to have my finger on the pulse of what the youths are into. Do kids these days even listen to music? Who knows! But I do understand that there’s some sort of diss track battle currently going on.

The issue with diss tracks? Too aggressive. Too outright mean. And yes, that’s the point, but it also seems likely that they won’t have the intended outcome. If someone yells nasty things at you, all you’ll end up thinking is, What an asshole!

If you really wanted to get in someone’s head, wouldn’t passive aggression and backhanded compliments work better?

Here are some titles for diss tracks that would rankle me:

• “That thing you do when you eat? It doesn’t bother me!”
• “Five minutes of winking references to a seminal work of literature you haven’t read”
• “Oh, that’s an interesting way to pronounce that word”
• “Another two donut day, is it?”
• “Jeez, I wish I was comfortable enough to wear something like that”
• “Are you okay? Is there something wrong? Oh, that’s just what your laugh sounds like. Huh.”
• “Wow, your place is much cleaner than usual”
• “Anyone else smell that? I caught a whiff of something when you came in the room, but it was probably a coincidence.”

Yeah, those would really get me!

Anyway, buy some speakers.