Too late It’s over

2-Pack: JVC True Wireless Stereo Earbuds

Two sets of the headphones of your choice
Three styles, all JVC
Seriously great options to meet the needs of your very particular ears
Can it make a margarita? Margaritas are just frozen boozy porridge.

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Goldilocks and the Three ‘Buds

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Goldilocks.

Don’t worry, we’re not going to get into the whole thing, because you know it by now—kid busts into a house and wrecks all the shit until bears come back and, depending on your personal upbringing, she either runs away terrified never to return or is mauled to death on the spot.

But the real point of the story is that bears, like humans, have annoyingly specific preferences about things. The three bears each wanted things their own special way and really only came to an agreement about hating and/or eating entitled little blond girls.

Now about earbuds.

Yes, we realize that there’s a company in Cupertino who has successfully convinced a staggering percentage of the population that they all need exactly the same thing to meet a given technology need. That’s awfully bold and entitled. We’ll call them…Goldilocks, Inc.

Now Goldilocks, Inc. acts like they have a bunch of distinct models available, but really they’re all variations on the same theme—several combinations of little white Tic-Tacs that go in your ear holes for listening and into little white pod cases when you’re not. They cost a lot. (Yes, there’s also one additional option for people who enjoy over-the-ear headphones but don’t want to release the greenhouse gases associated with literally lighting money on fire. Those are cool, too.)

Anyway, on to today’s deal. They’re from JVC, but for today let’s call them Three Bears, LLC. The good people (bears?) at Three Bears, LLC understand that not everyone wants the same bed hardness, chair design, or porridge temperature. In fact, some people hate porridge altogether. Because porridge sucks.

Why are we shitting on porridge right now? Maybe because if you actually took a shit on that pasty garbage it would improve the—no, seriously…stopping now.

Porridge is fine. Back to the deal.

You get to pick from three similar but refreshingly distinct styles of earbuds. Not only that, but it’s a two-pack, so even if some bratty kid does try to take a nap in your bed while wearing your earbuds, you at least have a spare set.

So let’s check out your options. There are three (duh), and they range from not very expensive to, honestly, still not very expensive. You get two of whatever you pick, remember.

There’s the most basic version. Call that Mama Bear because she always get the short end of the stick in these analogies. Then there’s Papa Bear there at the top end—these are the ones that would probably meet the needs of 99 percent of people if brand loyalty wasn’t a thing. Then there’s Baby Bear, the happy medium that you’d buy if you were really committed to fairy tale canon.

(We might have fucked this analogy up completely. It’s been a while.)

But the point is that you’ve got options. Check out all three and see what you think.

2-Pack: JVC True Wireless Stereo Earbuds

Goldilocks and the Three ‘Buds

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