2-Pack: Clenera Non-Contact Infrared Digital Forehead Thermometers

  • You don’t have to touch the person to know if they’re feverish
  • Gives a reading in one second
  • Model: TH3RM0M-0F-TH3-Y34R
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Temper(ature)s Flair

Head over to the Wikipedia page for medical thermometers, and you’ll find some fun little tidbits. Like this one:

By the mid 19th century, the medical thermometer was still a foot long (30.28 cm) and took as long as twenty minutes to take an accurate temperature reading. Between 1866-1867, Sir Thomas Clifford Allbutt (1836–1925) designed a medical thermometer that was much more portable, measuring only six inches long and taking only five minutes to record a patient’s temperature.

Um, that’s terrifying. And not just because “Sir Allbutt” is the alias I’ve been using while pitching investors on a theme restaurant concept tentatively called “Medieval Times But Without Pants.” No, the terrifying part is the time. Five minutes was an IMPROVEMENT?

Yes, when you’re on your phone, or you’re in the shower, or you’re chatting with a friend, five minutes can go by real fast. But sitting still for five minutes is actually really hard. And that’s for adults. Trying to get a child to sit still for five minutes? You might as well ask them to levitate.

Luckily, the thermometers we’re selling today don’t take five minutes. In fact, they don’t take five seconds. They take one. You turn them on, point them at the potentially feverish, press the button, and it goes ‘bleep-bloop’ and gives you a reading.

But the speed isn’t the only benefit to a good infrared thermometer. You don’t have to touch anyone to take their temperature. This is especially great if you’ve got kids. Sure, if you’re sharing a house with them, you’re bound to get what they have, but it’s a lot more likely if you’ve gotta stick something into their mouths. Not to mention, kids often have friends who are also kids, and these other kids might roll up to your house for a sleepover having neglected to mention to their parents that they’re feeling achy and experiencing the chills. An infrared thermometer is a good way to dispatch those kids as well.

And they are accurate, by the way. According to the Cleveland Clinic, at least:

Research has shown that, when used correctly, infrared or no-contact thermometers are just as accurate as oral or rectal thermometers. No-contact thermometers are popular among pediatricians, as kids often squirm around when trying to get a temperature read, but it also holds true in mass temperature screenings. The device offers safety to both parties while providing a quick and accurate read.

But perhaps the most important reason you should have an infrared thermometer: when you’re done using them to take all the human temperatures in your house, you can point them at your cats. Does it give an accurate reading? Almost certainly not. But it’s a funny joke, and one you couldn’t make with an oral model without having a thermometer to clean and wounds to dress.

In conclusion, if you don’t have some infrared thermometers, you should get some infrared thermometers.

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