Cars, Amirite?!

USB charging ports? For your car? They’re not very exciting. But they are necessary.

You could be taking a quick excursion to a civic center in Tacoma or an expedition out to Tahoe. You could be a New Yorker looking to escape Fifth Avenue and explore the town and country beyond the big city. You could be off to a party weekend in Malibu or at Daytona Beach.

Hell, you could aspire to be an explorer, taking a journey to the edge of the earth, or to the heart of big sky country, moving with ghost-like stealth to avoid a traffic citation as you drive in search of a wild colt or mustang or bronco to tame.

Truly, the destination doesn’t matter. You’re going to want a charger.

After all, you want to focus on the road, not your phone’s percentage of battery life. You don’t want to be cavalier about it, think you have enough juice, only for your phone to die forty minutes into a three-hour roadtrip. That’s a prelude to disaster!

And did we mention this is a two-pack?

That means you can be the trailblazer. You can put one in your car and enjoy the mild acclaim of being known as the person who always has USB ports for those in need. You can allow your friend to envision their life as someone who can plug in their phone in the car. And when they’re finally like, “You know, I think I’m going to do it! I’m going to buy my own charging port,” you can say, “Hey, Jimmy [the friend’s name is Jimmy in this situation], why don’t you just have this one. I don’t need it.”

And then your friend will be like, “Whoa, you must be a diplomat or a celebrity to have one of these just kicking around to give away at a moment’s notice.” And though you are, in fact, a titan of both charge and charity, or at least a high caliber friend whose forte is gifting a volt or two, you can feign humility and say to Jimmy, your new charging protege, “Truly, it’s no big deal. Now, hop in the car so we can get to our rec league lacrosse game. I’ve got my special stick in the back. I’ve named it ‘the sword,’ or, as a Parisienne would say, ‘le sabre.’”

Okay, sorry, went a little off track there at the end. But anyway, buy some charging ports.

Or, if you don’t need any, hop in the forum and try to list all the car names we’ve hidden in this write-up.