2-for-Tuesday: SaberLight Rechargeable Plasma Beam Lighters

Two plasma-beam lighters for the person who has every state of matter
Rechargeable, fuel-free, and fun to show off at parties
“SaberLight” evokes a certain light-sword term while avoiding litigation
Splash-proof and windproof, but you’ll still instinctively cup your hand against the wind
Model: None (This lighter already had a cool, devil-may-care attitude, and the absent model number catapults it into James Dean territory)

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Plasma Inhaler

The Amazon page for these rechargeable plasma lighter includes 51 answered community questions, including: “What is the distance between the two arcs?”, “420 friendly?”, and “does it hurt” (no question mark). Its potential purchasers are clearly an open-minded, inquisitive lot. Yet one question remains notably absent:

Question: WTF is plasma, exactly?

Answer: Plasma is the fourth state of matter, along with solid, liquid, and gas. In plasma, all of the atomic nucleii have been stripped of their electrons, creating a soup of ions (charged nucleii) and free-moving electrons.

Question: Umm, thanks for the Wikipedia paraphrasing, but like, if it’s a fundamental state of matter why I have I never seen outside of this weird lighter?

Answer: You have.

Question: I have?

Answer: Have you ever looked at the sun?

Question: Hey, I’m asking the questions here. But no, I was specifically instructed as a child not to.

Answer: The sun is a giant ball of plasma. In fact, the vast majority of matter in the universe exists in a plasma state. Our gas/liquid/matter planet represents the exception, not the rule.”

Question: So it doesn’t occur on Earth outside of lighters?

Answer: It does, but rarely. Lightning is plasma. Fire is plasma. The Aurora Borealis is plasma.

Question: The what?

Answer: The Northern Lights.

Question: Wait, did you just say that fire is plasma?

Answer: It’s somewhat complicated, but yes.

Question: So all lighters are plasma lighters?

Answer: Well, no, I mean technically yes, but …

Question: So like, are we all just plasma?

Answer: What? No.

Question: What if reality is an illusion?

Answer: I’m not sure how to answer that.