2-for-Tuesday: Cotton Touch Microfiber Sheet Sets
- Though sheet comes from the latin, “sheetimus,” meaning roughly, “l’il skinny rugs,” they’re actually best used on beds.
- They don’t wrinkle and feature a “soft touch cotton feel” despite being made of polyester microfiber.
- Look, they’re sheets, okay?
- They come in white, ivory, taupe, grey, and blue.
You Don't Know Sheet About Me
When it comes to such a simple product, the only question you really have to ask yourself is: what color do you want? An easy decision, right? Wrong! Color choice speaks volumes.
For example, here’s what your choice of sheet color says about you:
White:
For a brief but tumultuous period of your youth you devoted yourself to the band Staind. As proof of your fandom, you refused to wear anything that did not have a pronounced stain somewhere on it. Now, you sleep only in crisp white sheets. They are the easiest to stain, and your ability to keep them clean shows how far you’ve come.
Ivory:
You sleep in Ivory sheets as a tribute to your grandmother, who lived her whole life in a small house on Ivory Lane. When she passed away, you were supposed to inherit it… but the evil developers have other ideas. They’ve got plans to turn all of Ivory Lane into an elaborate waterpark for rich kids. Now, they only way to get back what is rightfully yours is by challenging the developers to a quirky winner-takes-all beach volleyball tournament.
Taupe:
As the founder of Color Me Clean, a Pantone-sponsored drug resistance program, you coined the phrase: “Choose taupe, not dope.” Wouldn’t it be pretty hypocritical if your sheet choice didn’t reflect this?
Grey:
At meteorology school, everyone wanted to study only the most exciting weather phenomena: lightning, hurricane winds, golf-ball sized hail. Not you. You preferred the soothing simplicity of fog. When, in interviews, you’re asked how you became the foremost fog expert in the world, you lie and say something about condensation. Really, it is your gray sheets, a sort of fog simulation that envelopes your dreams in a dreary mist.
Blue:
You were hunting the woolly mammoth when you fell into a hole. You felt very cold, then you felt nothing at all. Many millions of years later, the men in white robes thawed you out and called you a marvel of science. You are learning the ways of this strange modern time, but you struggle to leave your past behind. Therefore, you sleep only in blue sheets, as it is the color of the ice that was your bed for so long.
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2-for-Tuesday: Cotton Touch Microfiber Sheet Sets 68
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