Cleaning House: a Meh-rathon

The third MASKED MAN comes around a corner and finds ROY holding a vacuum cleaner bag.

MAN 3
You’re going to beat me with an empty bag? When I’ve got this?

The MASKED MAN draws a large combat knife from a sheath on his thigh.

ROY
Bag’s not empty. Took it out of a test model. But let’s not talk about work right now. How’s the weather outside?

MAN 3
(confused, letting his guard down)
What? Sunny, I guess. Why?

ROY
That’s a surprise. I really thought it was supposed to be–

But before he can finish, ROY throws the bag to the MASKED MAN. Without thinking, he drops the knife and catches it, chest height. ROY rushes forward and issues a firm kick to the chest, knocking the man over and exploding the bag into a massive puff of dust.

ROY
–cloudy.

While wiping the work laptop of Calvert Harrison, a project manager who recently left his position at the company for a comparable role with a rival, our IT department discovered a Microsoft Word file titled ‘CLEANING_HOUSE_SCREENPLAY_FOR_JS’ as well as several Notepad documents containing phone numbers and email addresses for people with a tertiary connection to Jason Statham. The screenplay was, by all indications, written on company time and therefore, per Calvert’s contract, belongs to us. So, please enjoy these excerpts and stick around all day for great deals on spring cleaning gear and stuff for getting outside. (And Mr. Statham, if you’re reading, this is available!)