'Lyte It Up

Last weekend was a long weekend. And boy, did I get up to some fun stuff!

Just kidding. That entire statement is false. I didn’t get up to much at all. In fact, I barely got up. As in, I could barely stay upright for more than a few minutes at a time. Because I was down for the count with a nasty bit of stomach flu. From Friday straight through to Tuesday night, nothing sat right with me.

Out of the goodness of my heart, I’ll spare you the gory details, but let’s just say, I was left pretty dehydrated by all the not-vomiting.

Now, for a normal person, this could be a crisis.

“Honey,” they’d say to their spouse. “You must go post-haste to the store! Buy me a Gatorade, a bottle of Pedialyte, whatever you can find that will deliver unto me some sweet, sweet restoration. For I am wasting away, oh, I am depleted!”

But not me.

You see, I work for Meh dot com. And Meh dot com is a company that sells a lot of steeply discounted powder to address this very issue.

Side note: for some reason, my neighbors don’t seem to appreciate this as much as I do. Whenever I tell them that my job involves selling a bunch of powder, they get real worried. When I try to reassure them that it’s the kind of powder that makes you feel good and keeps you going, it only seems to increase their concern. And boy oh boy, offer to bring a little powder over for their kids to try, and it’s a big yikes! No wonder the youth of today are so sullen. Their parents won’t even let them hydrate!

Anyway, point is: I didn’t need to go to the store, because I already had a cabinet full of hydration powder. And after today, that cabinet’s going to be even more full. Because the point of this story is, you don’t have to be hungover or high on endorphins after a grueling workout to need an electrolyte re-up.

Now, the question here is: how will it taste? Good with a mildly weird aftertaste or gross so you have to choke it back?

The answer: who friggin’ cares. The taste is temporary. Just drink it and feel good.

But fear not, you don’t have to throw this stuff back too fast. Because, while yes, the best-by date is June 30th of this year, but we have a statement from the company assuring us it’s fine for a lot longer.

But also, come on. It’s a powdered drink. Your grandparents probably fed you World-War-II-era Country Time Lemonade, and you didn’t give a shit.

Now, am I, the person who admitted earlier to suffering from a rough bout of stomach flu, maybe the wrong messenger to promote a laissez-faire approach to food safety? Perhaps. But still, the point stands: this stuff is fine.

So buy it, and tell us how it tastes so we can highlight your good reviews and ignore the negative ones next time we sell it!

Oh, and sorry for bringing up the stomach flu. I swear, we’ll keep the potty-related stuff to a minimum this weekend…