SoundFloat Pool Lounger with Bluetooth Speakers

  • Built-in stereo speakers with music controls so you don’t have to put all your trust in what Shuffle comes up with
  • Or you can control your phone directly through the touch-sensitive waterproof pouch that velcros onto the armrest
  • The 10,000mAh battery doubles as removable power bank for your phone in case you get lost at sea
  • Most importantly, it has a cup holder
  • Also includes an electric air pump to inflate and deflate this and all your beachballs, air mattresses, and novelty gag gifts
  • Oh, and a bag that you can wear like a backpack to store it all in
  • Model: BSFDXLB. Alludes to the original name that unfortunately didn’t fit on the packaging: BatterySound-FloatDrink-XtraLarge-Bag
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Tonight, On Mehsterpiece Theatre, Pt. 1

With the official start of the summer in the rearview, we thought it would be a good time to introduce our newest production project: Mehsterpiece Theatre. An offshoot of the Hallmehrk Channel will be bringing you an exciting new drama each day for the next week or so. Tonight’s programming is brought to you by the SoundFloat Stereo Speaker Pool Float and Mediocritee:

What’s worse than your husband having his affair with the milkmaid of a nearby peasant farm, being found out by a goat herder, and paying thousands of pounds a year just to keep it a secret? Only finding out as much at his funeral after he’s tragic death in a blimp-jousting accident somewhere over the Pacific.

So goes life for Lady Darlane Farlorne. Facing bankruptcy brought on by her deceased husband’s indiscretions, it appears that the disgraced widow will have to sell her beloved Hemlington Abbey and make drastic cuts to her help. No longer will she have the luxury of 500 rooms, each with 6 closets, each closet staffed with a stylist, a seamstress, and a shoe nanny. Now, she will have to slum it in some paltry country estate, wherein each of its 249 rooms will have only 2 closets with a single seamstress and stylist going between them. The shoe nannies will be cut entirely, even old sweet Mrs. Trimple, who nannied Lady Farlorne’s shoes since birth and was like a mother to them.

It seems as though such a move is an inevitability. Until the letter comes. From a mysterious man, Doyle Hartsible. Gruff and unrefined, Hartsible is newly rich off of a series of trout oil factories he’s built on the coast, but he’d like to be more than a businessman. He’d like to be Lady Darlane Farlorne’s new husband!

Will the unlikely pair find love? Will the bankers seize Hemlington? Will the help ever get tired of the society’s brutally unbendable tiers and rise up? To that last question: no. Never. They are weirdly super chill with it. But for answers to the other two questions, tune in to:

Lady Darlane Farlorne’s Forlorn Love!

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