The year my Dad decided that we all needed to get into a camper, on a 64' Ford truck, from CA to MO, in July. Did I mention there were 5 of us? Mom, Dad, 14ish me, 7yr old bro and sis. In a camper. With no A/C. We took the long route. Started out okay, we went to Yosemite - which was pretty, and I slept outside on the ground, under the stars. Only got a few bug bites. Then we went to MO for a family thing, and it was a long, hot, miserable drive. My mom HATES traveling. My dad LOVES it. He's a total wanderer, backpacked through HI for a year in his 20's - if he could have talked my mom into it - we would have been nomads. Anywho, Mom's miserable and annoyed. Dad's tolerance for whining stayed in CA. Then we spent a few days with Dad's family in MO, it was okay. The drive BACK was ridiculous. If you've ever taken ~ Route 66 or anything close to it in summer, you know that drive is hot, boring desert, with a few mountain passes tossed in. Still in the camper. Only now everyone is sunburnt and needs a shower not paid for in a truck stop. We stopped at so many of those knock off "native" shops, I still don't know why exactly, except to let everyone get away from each other for a few minutes. .The best part was the Petrified Forest in AZ! We broke the clutch pedal rod. On a 64' Ford truck, in the middle of trees so old they are now minerals. Took us 2 days to find a mechanic willing to weld it, (ordering the part would take another week,) plus another day to put it all back together. Since that ate up our leisurely travel plans, we drove nonstop from eastern AZ to home in Southern CA.
When we got home, we all happily went inside, took turns taking real showers and settled in for a relaxing evening of not talking to anyone. At some point, I went out front to sneak a cigarette, and heard this little voice saying, "Hello? Can you hear me? YOU LEFT ME HERE!?!?" Turns out, my kid sister was still asleep when we got home and got locked in the camper. she woke up and had to wait like 20 minutes after that before someone heard her. (The door had a faulty latch and was bungi corded shut from the outside. Yeah, we were that kind of family.) I got her out and she stormed off into the house and didn't talk to anyone for at least a full day. Poor kid.
I left stuff out of this story for the sake of space. My family vacations were a mix of the Griswolds meeting the Clampetts.
The vacation wasn't disastrous, but I just got back from Maine with about 30 people (friends from college & their families). Everything was fine at first, but then I ate some bad clams. My stomach was turning the next day. I managed to shit my pants at a big group lunch just as some friends were departing. Everyone wanted a hug. I obliged.
Went on a foreign exchange trip to Costa Rica. I slept through every Spanish class and of course got stuck with the one family that didn't speak English. They gave me a wool blanket to sleep with at night (I always have to be covered) and were convinced I wet the bed (called the person in charge of arrangements). Then the day I was going to leave I accidentally drank some water so I had to shuffle around the living room for 30 minutes while the mom showered while trying not to shit myself. Then the van pulled up to take me to the airport. It was one of those white work vans and looked pretty sketchy. They opened up the side door and all I see is a fricken metal folding chair sitting there not attached to anything. I swear to god I thought I was going to be kidnapped and murdered.
One time my family and I went to Yosemite. I remember getting really badly burnt on my back because I was too cool for sunscreen. Like lobster red. Like don't even look at my back because that hurts red.
What made up for it though was on the way back I drew a picture of a baby wearing a diaper and labeled it "nick" (my brother's name) and he got so mad the tried to run away. Like he's still kind of angry when we bring it up now. I'll post a picture if I can find one.
My mother sent me to my first away camp when I was six. Somewhere in New York or UP Michigan or something. Far away. I was excited, happy to go. I was going to be the youngest kid there and a lot of the older kids knew and coddled me. At some point halfway through, we had a camp-wide kiddie mudfight on the volleyball court. I had mud flung into my face, into my eyes... and, turns out, that mud had rocks in it. My corneas got scratched, I was rushed to the ER two hours away, sent home, and I've had glasses ever since. I don't actually have any memories of a life without glasses or contacts. Most of my childhood, I even had bifocals. That was a pretty terrible summer.
The one that I can remember (I've blocked the worst out, I think) was pretty generic compared to the ones above. I was about 15 and went to the beach for a week with my mom. We stayed at my brother's. The week started out badly as I had my braces tightened the day before we left, so I couldn't eat anything I really wanted to eat. The first day we were there we spent the day at the beach. I was young, stupid, and incredibly pale. I think we know where this leads. The rest of the week was spent in my brother's bed with sun poisoning. I wanted to die and was extra upset because he'd promised to sneak me out to see his drag show. I never did get to see him perform.
Well, there was the summer I fell out of the tent at Girl Scout camp and landed flat on my back. (I'd already been hating the camp and then that had to go and happen.)
Or the summer my town was evacuated due to potential flooding and we lived at the high school for the duration. I was months too young to sandbag, National Guard members were sleeping in shifts in the gyms so we couldn't play (or make any sound) there, and I didn't like the guy that was in charge of childcare. Turns out my creep-o-meter was properly calibrated. A few years later I overheard the local librarian telling someone about how this individual "is no longer allowed to check out children's books." (Yes, he did make it onto a "special" list.)
I was inspired to share my 21st B-day Vegas trip with my best friend. I'd been to Vegas a few times before, but never able to 'do' Vegas because I was under 21.
We drove the 3+ hours and pull into the Luxor parking lot. I got out of my car and immediately rolled my ankle, badly. Hobbled to check in and we got into the elevators. If you've ever been in the elevators at the Luxor, you know the move on a diagonal, but they don't tell people that. So, when elevator came to a sideways stop, I sort of fell into a total stranger, who was not amused by my lack of balance (due to the ankle.) After buying a brace we went out and had fun, drinking, people watching, avoiding porn flyers, the usual. When we got back to our room, were a bit loud and giggly, and the open layout of our hotel led a group of rowdy dudes on the floor below us to started yelling/joking with us - we all decided to meet up and maybe have a drink or two. When we got to their room to grab them and go, one of the guys answered and he's just... coked out of his mind; pupils vibrating, the whole nine. While he's trying to be smooth (and we're trying to get the hell out of there,) his nose just starts GUSHING blood - and he doesn't notice. His friend sees our horrified expressions and comes to retrieve his buddy. We went back to our room and avoided further bad decisions.
There were a few more adventures on this trip, but I'm trying to keep this shortish.
Back in October 2011 we were vacationing in the NC mountains. On the day we were to drive home I got up before sun-up to take the two whining Killer Poodles outside, managed to fall down the porch steps (the KP's insist they did NOT pull me off balance), and badly sprained my ankle. When the world stopped spinning and I'd eased my leg out from between the porch rails I managed to butt-crawl back up the stairs and holler loudly enough to wake The Spouse. We had to be out of the rental cabin by 10am. With a car full of belongings and dogs it didn't seem wise to spend six hours or so at an ER, so we decided to wait till we got home. He had to do all the packing and loading; because it took me 20 minutes to hobble into restaurants and restrooms, the drive home took 12 hours instead of the usual eight. I was too exhausted to go to the ER when we arrived home at 10pm. When we finally got there Sunday morning the nice x-ray tech said the reason my "sprained ankle" hurt so much was that the ankle was fine but the leg was broken. Sure enough, there on the x-ray was a tibia with a lovely crack in it. I spent the next six weeks in a cast with crutches, and the damned thing still aches in cold or damp weather. My advice: try to break your bones when you're in your 20's and will heal in three weeks, rather than waiting till you're in your mid-60's.
Had to visit the wife's family in California Paid thousands of dollars to fly out there Stayed with crazy mother-in-law 33 year-old brother-in-law lives/lived in her garage Brother-in-law acted/acts like hateful 12 year old Brother-in-law was mean to my small children (5,3,2) Brother-in-law started an argument with my wife Brother-in-law started screaming at my wife and kids I told Brother-in-law to lay off Brother-in-law got in my face, cussing like a crazy person I felt threatened by 6'7" 300 lbs crazy brother-in-law I bitch-slapped brother-in-law in the face I mean, I bitch-slapped him -- he might have peed a little Brother-in-law became calm The cops were called and show up 20 minutes later I explained what happened Brother-In-Law showed cops giant purple handprint on his face They deemed my actions self-defense of myself and my family They offered to charge brother-in-law with assault I declined to press charges Cops asked us to leave crazy-people's house We happily left the crazy-people's house My hand still hurt an hour later His face probably hurt for days Started to feel like I should have hit him with a closed fist Went to a nice Marriot Courtyard Enjoyed our time away from the crazies Found poop stained undies in closet Undies not mine. Grossed out. Fun was over Contacted front desk Room got comped, left hotel Visited sister-in-law Had fun with sister-in-law and her family Other Brother-in-law chimed in via Facebook and disowned my wife Other Brother-in-law blamed her for what happened Mother-in-law made the entire situation about herself MIL wasn't present when events occurred MIL got watered down version of story from Brother-in-law MIL claimed I planned the entire event in an attempt to take the grandkids away from her MIL told everyone I'm abusive because I stood up for my wife and family Both Brother-in-laws harrassed my wife on Facebook We come home
A couple of months later, my wife's sister unexpectedly passed away. It was a total tragedy -- totally unexpected. Our entire time in California that we actually enjoyed, was because of her. She was the only sane person in the family aside from my wife. She practically raised my wife. I'm just glad that our trip had worked out the way that it did so we got to spend more time visiting her than we had originally planned.
The good news is that I don't have to go to California anymore!
See, I told you no one would want to read it.
An off topic discussion: Have you ever hit someone and immediately wished you could take it back, or at least had an immediate feeling of dread over what would happen next?
@capguncowboy To answer your last question, yes, I have had that feeling. Luckily, for me, the person I hit pissed off the Commonwealth Atty. so when she was five minutes late for my court hearing, the attorney asked the judge to call the case, and since she was a no-show, the charges were dropped.
The summer my parents sent me to spelling camp and I embarrassed myself by misspelling "Disastrous". ;-)
That must have been terrible for you.
That entire sentence is upsetting.
The year my Dad decided that we all needed to get into a camper, on a 64' Ford truck, from CA to MO, in July. Did I mention there were 5 of us? Mom, Dad, 14ish me, 7yr old bro and sis. In a camper. With no A/C.
We took the long route. Started out okay, we went to Yosemite - which was pretty, and I slept outside on the ground, under the stars. Only got a few bug bites.
Then we went to MO for a family thing, and it was a long, hot, miserable drive. My mom HATES traveling. My dad LOVES it. He's a total wanderer, backpacked through HI for a year in his 20's - if he could have talked my mom into it - we would have been nomads. Anywho, Mom's miserable and annoyed. Dad's tolerance for whining stayed in CA.
Then we spent a few days with Dad's family in MO, it was okay. The drive BACK was ridiculous. If you've ever taken ~ Route 66 or anything close to it in summer, you know that drive is hot, boring desert, with a few mountain passes tossed in. Still in the camper. Only now everyone is sunburnt and needs a shower not paid for in a truck stop.
We stopped at so many of those knock off "native" shops, I still don't know why exactly, except to let everyone get away from each other for a few minutes.
.The best part was the Petrified Forest in AZ! We broke the clutch pedal rod. On a 64' Ford truck, in the middle of trees so old they are now minerals. Took us 2 days to find a mechanic willing to weld it, (ordering the part would take another week,) plus another day to put it all back together. Since that ate up our leisurely travel plans, we drove nonstop from eastern AZ to home in Southern CA.
When we got home, we all happily went inside, took turns taking real showers and settled in for a relaxing evening of not talking to anyone. At some point, I went out front to sneak a cigarette, and heard this little voice saying, "Hello? Can you hear me? YOU LEFT ME HERE!?!?" Turns out, my kid sister was still asleep when we got home and got locked in the camper. she woke up and had to wait like 20 minutes after that before someone heard her. (The door had a faulty latch and was bungi corded shut from the outside. Yeah, we were that kind of family.) I got her out and she stormed off into the house and didn't talk to anyone for at least a full day. Poor kid.
I left stuff out of this story for the sake of space. My family vacations were a mix of the Griswolds meeting the Clampetts.
Great story TC. I actually skipped the Petrified Forest on both of my drives from CA to TX, and I can confirm the drive was terrible.
The vacation wasn't disastrous, but I just got back from Maine with about 30 people (friends from college & their families). Everything was fine at first, but then I ate some bad clams. My stomach was turning the next day. I managed to shit my pants at a big group lunch just as some friends were departing. Everyone wanted a hug. I obliged.
I could share my story, but it would take about an hour or two to write. Maybe I'll do that and post it up -- but who would read it, really?
I would! Because I'd have to.
No no, @JonT, you don't have to, you get to.
You underestimate our level of boredom .
Went on a foreign exchange trip to Costa Rica. I slept through every Spanish class and of course got stuck with the one family that didn't speak English. They gave me a wool blanket to sleep with at night (I always have to be covered) and were convinced I wet the bed (called the person in charge of arrangements). Then the day I was going to leave I accidentally drank some water so I had to shuffle around the living room for 30 minutes while the mom showered while trying not to shit myself. Then the van pulled up to take me to the airport. It was one of those white work vans and looked pretty sketchy. They opened up the side door and all I see is a fricken metal folding chair sitting there not attached to anything. I swear to god I thought I was going to be kidnapped and murdered.
One time my family and I went to Yosemite. I remember getting really badly burnt on my back because I was too cool for sunscreen. Like lobster red. Like don't even look at my back because that hurts red.
What made up for it though was on the way back I drew a picture of a baby wearing a diaper and labeled it "nick" (my brother's name) and he got so mad the tried to run away. Like he's still kind of angry when we bring it up now. I'll post a picture if I can find one.
You should give him a picture of a baby wearing a diaper labeled "Nick" instead of a card for his next birthday.
@jont no lie I drew one of the whole family in diapers put it in a frame and gave it to my dad for christmas.
My mother sent me to my first away camp when I was six. Somewhere in New York or UP Michigan or something. Far away. I was excited, happy to go. I was going to be the youngest kid there and a lot of the older kids knew and coddled me. At some point halfway through, we had a camp-wide kiddie mudfight on the volleyball court. I had mud flung into my face, into my eyes... and, turns out, that mud had rocks in it. My corneas got scratched, I was rushed to the ER two hours away, sent home, and I've had glasses ever since. I don't actually have any memories of a life without glasses or contacts. Most of my childhood, I even had bifocals. That was a pretty terrible summer.
Ok, that was pretty disastrous. I was expecting stories I could laugh at not ones in which a child got lifelong physical scars from :(
Well, there was the time my best friend & I came up with a genius plan to rob a gang and it went disastrously. That was a winter trip, tho.
Let's hope it's not the one I'm going on tomorrow.
The one that I can remember (I've blocked the worst out, I think) was pretty generic compared to the ones above. I was about 15 and went to the beach for a week with my mom. We stayed at my brother's. The week started out badly as I had my braces tightened the day before we left, so I couldn't eat anything I really wanted to eat. The first day we were there we spent the day at the beach. I was young, stupid, and incredibly pale. I think we know where this leads. The rest of the week was spent in my brother's bed with sun poisoning. I wanted to die and was extra upset because he'd promised to sneak me out to see his drag show. I never did get to see him perform.
Do all my trips to Vegas where I lost too much money count? Every time I go the trip seems to get worse yet I still go back every year.
That's what Vegas is for, losing money and briefly living in complete and unnecessary excess.
Oh man, I didn't even think to post the Vegas stories.
Well, there was the summer I fell out of the tent at Girl Scout camp and landed flat on my back. (I'd already been hating the camp and then that had to go and happen.)
Or the summer my town was evacuated due to potential flooding and we lived at the high school for the duration. I was months too young to sandbag, National Guard members were sleeping in shifts in the gyms so we couldn't play (or make any sound) there, and I didn't like the guy that was in charge of childcare. Turns out my creep-o-meter was properly calibrated. A few years later I overheard the local librarian telling someone about how this individual "is no longer allowed to check out children's books." (Yes, he did make it onto a "special" list.)
I was inspired to share my 21st B-day Vegas trip with my best friend. I'd been to Vegas a few times before, but never able to 'do' Vegas because I was under 21.
We drove the 3+ hours and pull into the Luxor parking lot. I got out of my car and immediately rolled my ankle, badly. Hobbled to check in and we got into the elevators. If you've ever been in the elevators at the Luxor, you know the move on a diagonal, but they don't tell people that. So, when elevator came to a sideways stop, I sort of fell into a total stranger, who was not amused by my lack of balance (due to the ankle.)
After buying a brace we went out and had fun, drinking, people watching, avoiding porn flyers, the usual. When we got back to our room, were a bit loud and giggly, and the open layout of our hotel led a group of rowdy dudes on the floor below us to started yelling/joking with us - we all decided to meet up and maybe have a drink or two. When we got to their room to grab them and go, one of the guys answered and he's just... coked out of his mind; pupils vibrating, the whole nine. While he's trying to be smooth (and we're trying to get the hell out of there,) his nose just starts GUSHING blood - and he doesn't notice. His friend sees our horrified expressions and comes to retrieve his buddy. We went back to our room and avoided further bad decisions.
There were a few more adventures on this trip, but I'm trying to keep this shortish.
I'm in Turks and Caicos right now with the family and it's awesome!
so far...
Back in October 2011 we were vacationing in the NC mountains. On the day we were to drive home I got up before sun-up to take the two whining Killer Poodles outside, managed to fall down the porch steps (the KP's insist they did NOT pull me off balance), and badly sprained my ankle. When the world stopped spinning and I'd eased my leg out from between the porch rails I managed to butt-crawl back up the stairs and holler loudly enough to wake The Spouse. We had to be out of the rental cabin by 10am. With a car full of belongings and dogs it didn't seem wise to spend six hours or so at an ER, so we decided to wait till we got home. He had to do all the packing and loading; because it took me 20 minutes to hobble into restaurants and restrooms, the drive home took 12 hours instead of the usual eight. I was too exhausted to go to the ER when we arrived home at 10pm. When we finally got there Sunday morning the nice x-ray tech said the reason my "sprained ankle" hurt so much was that the ankle was fine but the leg was broken. Sure enough, there on the x-ray was a tibia with a lovely crack in it. I spent the next six weeks in a cast with crutches, and the damned thing still aches in cold or damp weather. My advice: try to break your bones when you're in your 20's and will heal in three weeks, rather than waiting till you're in your mid-60's.
I'll give the cliff-notes version:
Had to visit the wife's family in California
Paid thousands of dollars to fly out there
Stayed with crazy mother-in-law
33 year-old brother-in-law lives/lived in her garage
Brother-in-law acted/acts like hateful 12 year old
Brother-in-law was mean to my small children (5,3,2)
Brother-in-law started an argument with my wife
Brother-in-law started screaming at my wife and kids
I told Brother-in-law to lay off
Brother-in-law got in my face, cussing like a crazy person
I felt threatened by 6'7" 300 lbs crazy brother-in-law
I bitch-slapped brother-in-law in the face
I mean, I bitch-slapped him -- he might have peed a little
Brother-in-law became calm
The cops were called and show up 20 minutes later
I explained what happened
Brother-In-Law showed cops giant purple handprint on his face
They deemed my actions self-defense of myself and my family
They offered to charge brother-in-law with assault
I declined to press charges
Cops asked us to leave crazy-people's house
We happily left the crazy-people's house
My hand still hurt an hour later
His face probably hurt for days
Started to feel like I should have hit him with a closed fist
Went to a nice Marriot Courtyard
Enjoyed our time away from the crazies
Found poop stained undies in closet
Undies not mine. Grossed out. Fun was over
Contacted front desk
Room got comped, left hotel
Visited sister-in-law
Had fun with sister-in-law and her family
Other Brother-in-law chimed in via Facebook and disowned my wife
Other Brother-in-law blamed her for what happened
Mother-in-law made the entire situation about herself
MIL wasn't present when events occurred
MIL got watered down version of story from Brother-in-law
MIL claimed I planned the entire event in an attempt to take the grandkids away from her
MIL told everyone I'm abusive because I stood up for my wife and family
Both Brother-in-laws harrassed my wife on Facebook
We come home
A couple of months later, my wife's sister unexpectedly passed away. It was a total tragedy -- totally unexpected. Our entire time in California that we actually enjoyed, was because of her. She was the only sane person in the family aside from my wife. She practically raised my wife. I'm just glad that our trip had worked out the way that it did so we got to spend more time visiting her than we had originally planned.
The good news is that I don't have to go to California anymore!
See, I told you no one would want to read it.
An off topic discussion: Have you ever hit someone and immediately wished you could take it back, or at least had an immediate feeling of dread over what would happen next?
Wow. That's some crazy stuff. I'm sorry for the loss of your sane SIL. :-(
Ain't no drama like crazy in-law drama. Sorry you lost your SIL.
@capguncowboy To answer your last question, yes, I have had that feeling. Luckily, for me, the person I hit pissed off the Commonwealth Atty. so when she was five minutes late for my court hearing, the attorney asked the judge to call the case, and since she was a no-show, the charges were dropped.
Did it leave purple paw prints?
I don't know, after I hit her once, she tried to run out the door. Then, I slammed the door on her body a couple times before she finally...
got all the way out. Funny thing was, the cop who served me the papers was one who had a crush on me.
You have frequent enough run-ins with law enforcement that they can develop crushes? :)
Haha Nope, that was my only brush with the law (other than speeding). I worked at a gas station and he came in a lot.