unannounced departures 😔

@carl669 Oh dis baby!!

@Kyeh it really was! he even won my mom over, and she was NOT a dog person.

@Kidsandliz he had some great days and was recovering quite nicely. we thought he’d be around for at least another year or two. unfortunately, it wasn’t meant to be. the week prior to his passing, we rented a lake house and he got to roam around outside freely. we gave him the best life we could. my son took it the hardest since Dexter has been around since he was born. he’s slowly recovering, but he (me as well) still has bouts of sadness.

@carl669 I am so glad that he was up to doing great “dog things” at the lake. It might help your son to know that grief is a process that takes time, lots of time. At first the periods of grief feel intense and are close together with only short breaks. Then over time they don’t last as long and are further and further apart, although sometimes you can still be triggered. He may need told that it is OK to be happy and do things where he monetarily ‘forgets’; that loving a dog (or pet or person) who dies doesn’t mean you have to be sad all the time and doesn’t mean you love the pet less.

My daughter, when she learned her brother had died, struggled with this. She’d go to soccer and come home happy and then feel guilty she was happy. She’d also come over to me for a quick hug and then go outside and play as if she didn’t have a care in the world. And for that moment she was didn’t as she was engrossed in what she was doing. She needed that. After some initial tears she didn’t cry. I asked her about that and she said she was afraid if she started to cry she’d never stop. Grief can be expressed differently in kids. She’d also remember happy times with him and then feel sometimes guilty about that too. I’d have to help her come to the conclusion that there were happy times and remembering them was also keeping him close in her memory of him; that she would love him forever even though he was now dead.

You might want to together, when he is ready, create a book of his favorite photos of Dexter and help him write down memories. My daughter, about a year later, was panicked she was forgetting what her brother looked like and things about him. If this happens you can sit with your son and go over the book together. I’d bring out the photos I had of him and them together and she’d relax. Then suddenly, with no warning, she was done looking at the photos and go play. All normal.

She was very concerned about what happened to him after he died. Be careful what you choose to tell him as they often take what you say very literally or in a way you don’t expect. When the cat who slept with her died she wanted to come with me when I had her euthanized and was very interested in the physical process of dying, what happened after to our pet after the cat was dead, whether or not he could feel her pet or pinch him, asking very concrete questions as she was trying to understand what she was seeing and what it meant in a practical sense, beyond her sadness that our cat would never be in our lives again sleeping with her at night.

Your journey with your son with this may be different. Just tossing out a few things from my experience with my kid in case they help you with your son. I wish you strength as you navigate this with your child while you are also feeling grief.

@Kidsandliz we picked out a couple pictures of Dexter in addition to the main thread pic and put them up on the mantle. he put a little cup of food up there for him and we’ve been lighting a candle.

the boy has gone through the same happy/guilty for being happy thing. he keeps saying things like “i feel like i didn’t pet him enough” or “i should have played my ipad less and played with him more”. though it is starting to taper off, he still gets that look on his face where he’s happy, but thinks he should be sad. we’re all doing our best to walk him through the grieving and he seems to be handling it as well as one would expect.

i think he is starting to understand that he doesn’t need to keep feeling sad and that he can just remember the good times.

@carl669 That is encouraging although don’t be surprised when he (you too for that matter) has low moments later down the line.

@Kidsandliz yeah, we’ve both had some low moments. but, they’re a bit farther apart and definitely less intense.

@brainmist I love the awkward sleeping dog pose! what kind of dog do you have?

@carl669 A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE DOG.

[seriously, one intrepid Staffy who just showed up one day, and a carefully selected puppy who was reportedly hound, DNA tests as English Bulldog (she is NOT), and seems likely to be some awful mix of the worst of Boxer, Lab, and Blue Lacy. She is an abomination, and also my precious love.]

@carl669 My good boy:

@carl669 My terrible baby:

@carl669 If it seems like she’s got a lot of gear, yes. It’s because she has repeatedly demonstrated her ability to chew through collars/ harnesses unbelievably fast, and then to go on cross country runs, aka streaks of terror. So she wears two leashes, one attached to a straightjacket, the other attached to a metal collar.

@carl669 If it helps you right now to read stories of hilarious owner abuse by dogs: https://horriblekillydeathdog.blogspot.com/

@narfcake we did cremation as well. they came and picked him up from home, so it was nice to be able to say a final goodbye.

@Lynnerizer not that there’s any good time for this to happen, but it was really amazing to be able to spend that week at the cabin with him. soooooo many frogs for him to poke at and sniff.

@llangley i will take one of each, please.

@mikibell I might look weird petting a lollipop

@carl669 @mikibell
No problem. Just keep it in your lollipop holster.

@carl669 but they would make you smile at the lunacy of some people!!

@katbyter so sorry to hear that and I wish you’d gotten more time. I wish we’d gotten more time too. that said, I cherished all the time I did get and I hope you do too. many hugs to you

@rancho this is beautiful. since I’m in an apartment at the moment, I chose to cremate him and plan to spread his ashes in some of his favorite places. one of those places being on goose poop. the number of times he chose to roll in it is baffling.

@carl669 @rancho Baffling for (most) Homo sapiens, but not for Canis lupus familiaris:
https://www.petmd.com/dog/behavior/why-do-dogs-roll-poop
https://www.hillspet.com/dog-care/behavior-appearance/why-do-dogs-roll-in-poop
Read those, and smile while you knowlingly attribute the most likely to your buddy Dexter.