Today's Bitch
7Ok. I stopped my car to wait for someone to “be ready” already.
(How that person tolerates interacting with me is another tropic, ok?)
So since I’m just parked here waiting, I take off my fabulous expensive glasses so I can see to use the phone cause I see better without the glasses.
(Yes, they are progressive lenses. Yes, I have excellent, practically indistinguishable-from-perfect distance vision except for perhaps a very slight astigmatism. Yes, the States of Texas fucks with me by making me wear them.)
I set down the glasses on the seat. Pick up phone and leave some inexplicable drivel somewhere.
Ok person I was waiting on shows up, finally ready. We’re Good To Go.
Now where the fuck are my fabulous glasses that I resent having to purchase and wear? Where, where, where did they go, the fuckers?
Should I put a Bluetooth tag on them?
Ok the fuckers fucked me by hiding under the seat. Which they could not possibly have gotten to. Assholes. Pretty, expensive, manipulative, high maintenance assholes.
@f00l takes the blame for
The hostile missing glasses
That fuck with poor @f00l.
@f00l is December
Goat. Yada yada yada
Crap yada yada.
- 9 comments, 28 replies
- Comment
@ELUNO
My glasses prob have a secret alliance with other disturbing tech.
@rockblossom
I know.
Just call me Eeyore.
phewww… I thought this tropic was going to be about me!!!
@mikibell
You aren’t as big a b**** as my glasses.
In fact, I heard a rumor that your are not a bitch at all. Or only only very rarely, and then with clear provocation.
@f00l You censored the word bitch on your first sentence, but then went and used it completely uncensored afterwards on the second sentence.
WHAT IS THIS BITCHING MADNESS?!?
@ELUNO
Me stoooopid. Ok?
It’s contrary to any rational usage. Please don’t ask for more rational explanation that that.
@f00l That sounds rational enough.
/giphy "stupid is as stupid does"
@ELUNO
Present and accounted for.
@f00l blames @f00l that @f00l
perpetually is an
Idiotic @f00l.
@f00l Stop reading the men’s room wall… none of the stuff about me is true!!!
@mikibell
Ok. None of it
is true. The writers
Are just such whiners.
@f00l my children would disagree with you though… my head spinning moment was over my shoes being separated/not stored in pairs. My kids enjoy wearing my shoes, and while it is cute, they don’t put them back where they find them (in matched pairs, in the shoe rack) !!! Although, God bless them the day they get the nerve to call me a b****. They better hope someone is there to save them. My son said once that he hated me – never ever said it again! (too much caffeine today!)
@mikibell
Kids are not yet civilized. Your are a kind and loving responsible parent. You get a medal for that.
@PlacidPenguin
Puke.
@f00l is all to blame
For puking on penguins so
Motivational.
@PlacidPenguin I might freak out if the pocket penguins in this month’s CuteOfTheMonth shirt started talking …
@narfcake
Great, now besides a goat I also want a(nother) penguin.
I believe I symbolically adopted one, although @triplebud would have any adoption papers due to my putting the stuff from WWF (minus my penguin plush) into his Meh exChange 4.01.a v2 box.
I honestly thought your passenger was going to sit on your glasses and break them, so this is a better outcome.
@RiotDemon Depends on what kind of ending you were hoping for.
@RiotDemon It could also have been way more comical.
(Replace dog with glasses.)
@ELUNO
I believe this pix is beyond even me.
@RiotDemon So did I.
I am occasionally amazed at how much twisting and turning of an item is required to get said item out from under the seats of my car. It is sometimes amazing how dexterous the force of gravity and that of relatively random inertial forces can be.
@baqui63 There is a simple explanation. Have you read Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency?
@SSteve Yes I have.
Have you seen the new TV series? It is one of the better things on TV this season.
@baqui63 I’ll add it to the list. I don’t do broadcast TV (or whatever it’s called now) and have crappy Internet so I have to wait for things to come out on DVD.
just in time for after xmas
@miko1 60 bucks?!?!
@miko1 Or this:
At Amazon for $10
@miko1
That’s obviously what I need. Just need to fit in time to fly to Rodeo Drive and order another pair. Let me see if I can borrow that much $ …
@miko1 At least your passenger won’t sit on those.
@PocketBrain
Not unless said passenger wants these 'round their sweet neck.
I guess I’ll have to sell fake news on on the internet to pay for them.
Is this like a glasses joke? I’m confused.
@cranky1950
It’s a bitch about
Expensive glasses that love
To torment poor @f00l.
@miko1
My bio.