Some unsolicited advice
29It’s been over a year and all my late father’s accounts are closed. I wanted to share, a bit of what I have learned from this.
He was 93, so he probably thought this was the ‘best way’ to do it. He had just about everything on some sort of autopay or subscription. It was a total nightmare. Getting people to stop charging for things was a bitch. I couldn’t close his accounts until I had probate papers from the court.
Some of the people that have given me the absolute most issues, and a few of these I am not so sure have been resolved,
-1 PBS, I cannot get them to stop sending bills that state his acccount rejected the payment
-2 Spectrum, serious assholes. Worst of the worst.
-3 AAA, oddly, I finally went in person…
-4 his bank ,even with the death certificate AND the probate papers. I put the probate account there thinking it would be easier, I was so so wrong, put it at your own bank!
-5 some wine club he had a subscription to, they were downright rude!
-6 Some of the various magazines he subbed to, except Time
The ones that were actually the easiest to deal with, in some cases surprisingly
-1 the HOA on his condo
-2 the utility companies
-3 his investment banker
-4 his church.
-5 American Express and Discover
-6 His local newspapers, they even refunded pennies where appropriate.
He owned property and didn’t have a will or trust. Everything else was taken care of but property values being what they are, that caused my year long nightmare.
I don’t care how old you are, get a will put any real estate in a trust, make plans for everything, include at the very least the banks your accounts are at, including charge cards and update it every opportunity you have, Put it in a safe deposit box or somewhere else trustworthy. Do this even if you have zero resources.
And tell everyone who you have on subscription, that you can, that you want a bill, and pay it through your bank site, safer, really it is especially for your heirs. If you can’t do this, include a list with your papers. I think autopay is okay for rent/house payments, but something annual? or irregular, your estate administrator might not even know it exists!
Anywho, just my 2 cents, or with inflation 200 dollars
- 11 comments, 8 replies
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I’m surprised he didn’t have a will, given that he owned property and was “of a certain age.”
I pretend it’s okay that I don’t have one yet, because I’m less than half his age, but it’s something that has come up a couple times as something we should do. (Even a simple one is probably better than nothing, right?)
My brother (a couple years older than me) just set up trust. He had mixed feelings on whether it was worth the money and hassle, but he now has confidence/reassurance that his kids won’t be stuck in limbo while everything else is being sorted out.
Thank you for the advice and sharing your story. It’s a good reminder that I/we need to set up something in the way of a will and/or trust. And find a safe way to share account details with whomever will be handling that stuff.
Good advice that I need to follow! Do you have a will @Cerridwyn ?
So I’m going through a similar thing. My dad, at 92, passed earlier this year. He did a lot of work with attorneys, set up a will, an estate and a trust. But, there are some gaps. It’s tiresome to connect all the dots, but we’re putting all the pieces together. Turns out there is an acre of waterfront property on Puget Sound near Seattle that hasn’t had taxes paid in 30 years because my dad forgot about it. It’s valuable property but the taxes due nullify most of that. Ironically, it’s on a street that was named after my grandfather. Probate is a PITA.
When I had my thing and spent two months in a coma, my wife also had to deal with all the bills and recurring charges. She was a champ and figured everything out eventually, but now I have an envelope under my keyboard that says ‘open in the case of emergency’. It has all the accounts and all the passwords. It’s not a fun thing to think about, but I’ve realized it’s a necessity.
@capnjb I don’t think under my keyboard is a good spot for me, but I haven’t figured out where the right spot is. I need to do that.
My parents have a small “fireproof” safe for birth certificates and I don’t know what else. I should probably get something like that. And then I’ll have to let a few certain people know to look for it if anything happens to me/us.
@capnjb @xobzoo
My wife knows my master password for my computer and knows I have a file that contains account numbers and passwords (well actually clues to passwords based on a standard set that we adjust with additional characters / numbers)
Likewise I know the master password for her computer since I set it up, but her password list is not as easily deciphered as mine since I keep mine alphabetical, and hers is formatted a bit willy nilly… but I’m sure I could struggle through. I’m the one who maintains most of the credit cards and other payments so those things would at least be easy to pick up for her.
I have a simple will but it needs updated. It has been on my todo list for way too long.
@speediedelivery Ditto. I’m probably not alone, but I still find it a punch in the teeth to find out I’m outliving my beneficiaries (and having to find a new voluntary executor).
V useful.
Sorry to hear it was so hard.
My dad had a will and setup some bank/legal firm combo to be executors.
We had to do no work at all, they took care of it.
But …. They charged hideous monthly fees until it was finished (about 2 years I think, he owned stuff)
And tho the bank was fine, the legal firm kept not getting stuff done. They liked the painful monthly fees too much.
Finally a lawyer relative wrote them a letter politely but firmly insisting they wrap it up.
@f00l A good reminder that I never want to be a lawyer, but I’d like to be nicely connected to one.
(either related to or just friends with)
My mom is convinced that the jumble of paperwork she gave me is good enough, thanks for the reminder to drag her to my lawyer.
91 year old mother passed away on Easter Sunday this year, about 3 weeks short of her 92nd birthday. Most of her stuff is in the trust, but we had not yet moved her house into the trust (I didn’t realize that it was not in the trust already).
Moved her to Kansas last November, had her will redone, which is now causing us some problems since the property she owns is in Alabama. We will have to do a probate and an ancillary or adjunct probate at the same time in two different states. Overall most of her stuff is in a trust, but she had a ton of annuities and things that were scattered in over half a dozen different companies most of which have changed names at least once. It’s been a nightmare trying to sort all that s*** out.
I’m actually in Kansas City right now having just had her memorial mass yesterday. Sis and I are trying to sort all this stuff out and hopefully we’ll have it wrapped up by the end of the year so we can dissolve the trust without having to file taxes under a TIN.
Not at all surprised about Spectrum…
@PooltoyWolf not surprised either. They had me on the phone for over 30 minutes convincing me to stay with them.
@ironcheftoni Not to mention they’ve got us paying twice what we should be, for the level of service we’re getting…and no amount of threatening to cancel works.
They actually tried charging us MORE for the SAME LEVEL of service, after we tried removing some stuff to save money, and then reverting. I’ve considered calling the BBB.
@ironcheftoni @PooltoyWolf DO IT!
Sorry for your loss and thank you for the great advice. Looks like a lot of us are in the same boat of parents and others being of a certain age. Currently screening senior living facilities for my mom and trying to convince her that moving sooner rather than later is the best idea.
I am so sorry for your loss… My dad is still around but losing his cognitive abilities. He alwayyyss took care of the ffinances which is good and bad. He scrimped and saved to make sure they have money in their retirement, however my mother is resentful that he trusts me more than her on financial matters. They have a will, no trusts etc. I am trying to tick and tie all the strings for them but oh my good Lord between his confusion, her resentment and multi factor authentication, I am losing my mind!! My company offers legal insurance that covers my parents. On my list to get them to an attorney very shortly. Either way, dealing with your parents finances sucks!!
Get durable power of attorney when you can voluntarily give it. If you’re family has a history of dementia, or even if it doesn’t and suddenly you find out it does, having it beforehand (which costs almost nothing) is better than waiting (and waiting and waiting) to get certified for it afterwards.
@pakopako good advice but pay attention to what your state considers legal and how it has to be done there is absolutely zero consistency in the United states. The only thing that is semi consistent state to state is a p o l s t