My 'other' Fuku shipment -or- why the FedEx guy now hates me...

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So, after several days of my delivery being postponed, FedEx finally gets around to delivering my 'other thing' around 6:45 pm last night. I was out for the evening with a friend when I saw the email alert so I sent off a text to the sig other, asking her to please bring in the box. Mind you, the tracking had no size for the box and stated 10 lbs. This is what she sent back, along with the comment that she had to go out through the garage to deal with it:

I replied letting her know I'd take care of it when I got home, which was around 11 pm. This is what I came home to. She had covered it with an old shower liner (off to the side now), trying to keep it dry although it was already under the front door overhang.


At this point the box has been pretty well trashed. Between the rain and the abuse it obviously took along it's travels, there was no easy place to grab it. I pulled it away from the door, opened the storm door and more or less heaved it inside. Uhh, 10 lbs? Don't think so... I believe I may have broke the record for heaviest 'other thing' at this point. My first impression was that it was easily 100 lbs. I'm sending you guys my medical bills! I already have a slowly healing herniated disc along with having strained something else in my back the other day. This is not exactly what I needed at the moment. So it made it inside, here's what it looked like:


I cut through the tape, rip the box open and find this:

Alright, let's get the basics out of the way. There were some elements of Fuku #2 again. The mandatory Fuku red bag, another talking cow mug (awesome, they can have a conversation with each other), and another Trip Glasses.



There were six crappy plastic monkey toys that may be almost too embarrassing to dump in a Toys for Tots bin.

And what could have been a very cool 'Aliens Wall Relief' that was sadly an obvious return as it was taped up and it's arm is busted off. I'll still see if I can glue it back together...



Let's move on to what you know you saw in there. What time is it?

Oh yeah, it's most definitely mother effing PB n' J time.

Now I admit, I thought these were kind of cute when so many people previously received them. I was perfectly fine with not getting one but would've been pleased had I found one in my other Fuku. I found a a couple of boxes and started pulling them out while counting them. If you could have only seen the mixture of shaking my head and laughing at the entire experience. I do believe there is no more stock of these in the meh warehouse.
(Most of them removed.)


Go ahead, take a guess as to how many were in there... I asked the gf who started at 100. "Uh, higher." 150? "Higher" 400? "Don't be ridiculous." 275? "Damn, almost nailed it." 276 of them. Two hundred and seventy six PB n' J spreaders. Wow. So a quick Amazon search has them selling for $5.22 each. That's $1440.72 worth of spreaders at retail. At this point it was running through my mind, I could give away a slew of these and sell the rest. Could I sell them to someone who does flea markets for a few bucks each? Could I go to a local dollar store and sell them for a huge discount? Could I put them on eBay? I'm undecided as of now, but there's a potential to make at least a few hundred bucks here. In doing some quick weight calculations, just the spreaders came out to about 55 lbs.

But we're not done. Toilet paper. Really? Is this supposed to go 'hand in hand' with my expected woot box of crap? The package was open and I didn't count, but I'd say there were at least 45 of the 48 rolls in there. The weight was starting to make sense as these rolls are surprisingly heavy. 6.78 oz per roll comes to just over 19 lbs of butt paper.

I have to say, I'm kind of preferential when it comes to my toilet paper. This just isn't going to work for my own personal comfort. But, the gf apparently doesn't care and is now fully stocked with tp for at least the next two years.

Finally, the last big box in there. I pull it out with high hopes! Hmm, what's this? Oh, cool!

A Muskoka 35" Curved Wall Mount Electric Fireplace w/ Led Flame Effect. Found it on Amazon with the price bouncing around $248. This could be pretty awesome! Though, uh, there seems to be an awful lot of rattling around in there. I open it to find it was an obvious return. The glass front is in one piece, but everything else is just bouncing around. The little 'logs' are just destroyed. Sigh...


Just wondering guys (@JonT?) does anyone have any idea what the story is with this thing? I'm hesitating to even put together what I have and plug it in in fear of this: cb20130528190013/creepypasta/images/0/05/House-on-fire-o.gif">

Oh, Amazon's shipping weight? 36.2 lbs So the three main items come out to about 110 lbs. Overall, the entire box and contents are probably closer to 115 lbs. Which of course is why I'm pretty damn sure that the FedEx guy now hates me...