IRK-A-Thon Taunts

triavalon went on a bit of a rant said

A small record of the text posted with each new IRK in the June 2022 IRKathon. (“Here’s what you need to know” section omitted)

$5 00:00 - Whoa! An Instant Regret Kit, aka IRK? As the daily offer? Now, THAT is a surprise. And you know what else is a surprise? This isn’t your typical IRK! Anyway, this is pretty neat stuff, huh? Kinda makes you wonder: what else is gonna happen today?

$5 08:00 - Whoa! A Meh-rathon?? Kicked off by two IRKs in a row?! This is wild! Pretty weird start to the sales day, right? It’s almost as though we’re doing an annoying experiment in here. So stick around!

$10 08:30 - Huh, another IRK (Instant Regret Kit)? Right after we sold two IRKs? Only this one costs twice as much? I knew inflation was getting pretty bad but, wow. I suppose you might say this is a bit of an experiment to see who’s still in at twice the cost. So what now?

$15 09:00 - Okay, okay. You can probably tell we’ve got a weird experiment going on today. The IRKs just keep getting pricier. So…

$20 09:30 - The great IRK experiment continues. We’re up to $20 for an IRK. How high will we go??

$25 10:00 - We just keep offering IRKs! What an exciting day for experimental ecommerce!

$30 10:30 - If you’re just tuning in: yes, we are selling IRKs all day today. But it’s a little more complicated than that…

$35 11:00 - Wow, this is a pretty penny to spend on a thing that literally promises instant regret. But hey, this is all just a fun experiment… right? Of course, before you buy, be sure to read up on what’s going on below.

$40 11:30 - The price is really still rising. What an interesting thing we’re doing… I guess. What are we doing, you ask? It’s all stipulated below!

$45 12:00 - Jeez, wow. Still ramping up the IRK prices, huh? Interesting. At least, that’s one word for it…

$50 12:30 - Okay, we’re halfway to 100 dollars. Is this maybe getting out of hand? Are people still buying these things? Because they’re seriously just the same old crummy IRKs we always sell. We promise. You’re not getting a better IRK because you spend more money. But you do get more coupons… which is cool… sort of. Anyway, read up before you buy!

$55 13:00 - We’ve crossed the $50 threshold. We’re up to $55. Is this moral? To charge this much for a box of stuff nobody wanted in the first place? It’s an open question! Be sure to read this before you make your purchase:

$XX 14:00 -