I'm getting married! Got any wedding planning advice?
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I got engaged about a month ago and I’m beyond excited to marry the most rad, beautiful, smartest, funniest girl in the world but neither of us are particularly good at organizing big events (not that I think that would really help in this situation).
Wedding planning advice is everywhere but it’s hard to know where to start or who to listen to. Everyone I’ve talked to does seem to have a piece of “don’t make the same mistake I did!” advice and I bet some of y’all do too.
So help me out:
- What would you do differently?
- What would you not change?
- What was your unique twist on things?
- What was your biggest success?
- What was the absolute best part of your wedding?
It’ll most likely be Fall 2016 but we’re still looking at venues. The one we like the most has a evenly large indoor/outdoor space, we're definitely going to have an open bar, and we're kicking around the idea of having a couple of food trucks instead of traditional catering but nothing is set in stone yet.
Thanks!
- 99 comments, 177 replies
- Comment
What would I do differently? Elope.
@sammydog01 you're not the first person to suggest this…
@sammydog01 Damn straight - I'd elope and hold a reception. Take both sets of parents along and MAYBE brothers and sisters with you to elope - then kiss them goodbye at the chapel and go straight to the honeymoon. Mini-vacation for all, much cheaper, no fighting, no hurt feelings . . . something always goes sour. I've eloped and done the whole big church wedding. The elopement was amazing, fantastic, intimate and the reception appreciated by more than a few (rather than the traditional wedding). All I truly remember about the big wedding was the stress and the final two minutes of the ceremony.
@JonT You need a reception so you get presents.
@sammydog01 We were threatened with mayhem if we eloped. It was a 'keep peace in the two families' thing (and she was her parents' only daughter so... oh well). But it might be an option.
@duodec It was also not an option for me. Hence the suggestion.
@sammydog01 @pavlov I've been trying to get him to listen to me on this one. Not that I'm married or anything, but I'm totally eloping when that time comes.
@sammydog01 That's what we did. Vegas, baby. Had a party when we got back.
@Kidsandliz don't kid yourself for a second. You end up paying for those presents when it's 50-100 a person. Besides @JonT already has easy access to flatware, glasses, coffee makers, ice cream makers and juicers.
@Pavlov I think weddings can be great. It's a way we acknowledge and celebrate our commitment before witnesses. But that's it. It's not about spending a ton of money or living up to someone else's expectations. I think eloping can be fine, but I do prefer a simple wedding dictated by the needs and desires of the couple--AND NO ONE ELSE!
@sammydog01 the number one piece of advice I got. very few people are glad they spent a lot of money on a wedding when a nice bridal shower or afterparty would have suffices.
I don't regret mine, but I kept it small, inexpensive, and had a separate party for guests that would have had to travel.
@JonT and @SignificantOther My most heartfelt congratulations! It's a rare and wonderful thing to find that person you want to spend your life with. I am exceedingly thrilled for you!
+1 for elopement. Have a modest reception and save all the pomp and circumstance of the wedding.
Don't throw away thousands of dollars on stuff that doesn't matter. As a wedding DJ, I have seen it dozens of times. The ceremony and reception becomes a burden to plan, execute and pay for. And to what end?
Don't get me wrong... I appreciate the income a wedding show provides, but a good reception doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg. It's supposed to be a celebration of your union. But can you REALLY put a price on the value of your partnership? So don't break the bank trying.
Is this... a real girl or an imagination type girl?
@Starblind Depends on who you ask...
Hire a photographer that has an assistant (maybe even 2) that is also shooting so you don't miss out on must have shots because your single photographer is not around.
@stardate820926 @jont make sure to point out the specific people you want photos of -- I know that sounds harsh, but my wedding was the last one my great aunt attended and no one got a good picture of her before she had to go home :)
@stardate820926 Hire my friend Brentwood at Brentwood Photography. He's a wedding photographer who recently went a bit viral after supporting gay marriage. He specifically travels. And he's seriously the absolute best photographer I know (And I'm a photographer). I can hands down guarantee not only that you'll have freaking spectacular traditional photos but also some wonderfully goofy, silly photos that capture the real you if you know what I mean
@JonT And in case anyone wants to read a pretty amusing story and why he got a crapload of attention a couple weeks ago, here's the story.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/06/29/photographer-gay-marriage-brentwood-photography_n_7685058.html
@Bingo This part of his response made me laugh.
"Now as far as your retainer goes, I hope you’ll read the first article in the contract you signed stating that this retainer is nonrefundable.
But don’t you worry, I’m not going to keep it!
Because of this conversation, I have decided to donate your $1500 to GLAAD [the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation]"
entree.
Seriously, I like the food truck idea. Definitely, a different twist on things. The more "unique" the wedding is - the better it is. Congrats again.
I was "older" when I got married so we did a small wedding party on a Caribbean cruise. We had a beach ceremony on St Johns. Sorry, I couldn't be more help.
@mfladd @JonT Food Trucks, while neat, can be problematic when dealing with large groups.
They tend to result in long lines (which leads to people getting mad at each other for things like holding places and queue jumping), as well as leave quite the mess as people drop things as they are carrying their food away to their seats.
Both those things happened recently at a party I attended where food service was out of several Food Trucks. Add alcohol to the mix, and the likelihood of both problems will likely be exacerbated.
I'm not saying you should necessarily avoid the trucks, but I would advise you to plan ahead on how to serve the quantity of people you are inviting in a rapid fashion... Maybe have a table set up next to the food trucks with pre-prepared first-trip-up plates? Maybe just have a hell of a lot of food trucks?
@curtise very good point.
@JonT @lau while I don't exactly agree with the eloping scenario. I do agree that huge sums of money spent on weddings is not worth it in my opinion. Money does not make a wedding special. Neither does having a great number of guests. I am more practical in my thinking that the same monies spent on a large wedding could go to a great down payment on a house. Unless of course you have rich parents.
By far, the hardest part of planning your wedding is making sure your other wife doesn't find out.
I learned a few valuable things from our wedding.
1) Do not skimp on your photographer. A few great photos is better than a ton of half assed ones.
2) If you're having an open or pre-paid bar, do not let them serve more than beer/wine/soda until you and your bride have arrived. (Our families and friends were just about hammered when we got there a hour after they did.)
3) At the end of the day, everything can go wrong - but you'll still end up married to each other. The more stuff that goes wrong, the funnier it is to talk about later.
also, karaoke and shots make for a helluva fun party.
@Thumperchick @JonT +1 on the photographer thing. I would add to this: DO NOT USE A RELATIVE OR FRIEND FOR THIS. I have heard too many horror stories of people being pressured into hiring a cousin or distant uncle or aunt as their photographer because they are a "professional photographer", and then there being a problem and them ending up with no proper record of their special day and having that end up causing a huuuuge rift within the family.
Separately, a relatively inexpensive and fun thing is to buy disposable cameras (if you can still find them) and put one on each table with the instruction that your guests are to use them to capture the fun as well, and at the end of the night put the cameras in a box at the door for you to develop later.
Of course, now that it's modern times, there are also online services that let you set up an effective dropbox for photos, and you could just put up a QR code or URL or whatnot, and have guests use their own smartphones to take pics and submit them. I've done that before with Apple's Photo Stream (we all had iPhones and iPads and iPod touch units and uploaded our pictures together into one shared Photo Stream directly on our devices, though apparently you can also access the stream through the web if permitted by the stream owner).
Same goes for a wedding video as photos. If you're going to make one, hire a pro.
@Thumperchick @JonT I love that "At the end of the day, everything can go wrong" bit. It's true! Things are going to happen. If you have a formal perfect wedding you have nothing to reflect off and chat about when you're actually married! What are you going to say in that first 24 hours of marriage-ness? (Wait, I didn't think that through. As far as I can remember I wasn't doing a lot of talking in that first 24 hours....). Anyway, you've been together forever, you just experienced a wedding. Talk about how crazy it was!
@curtise I must share a story about that disposable camera idea that happened at a family member's wedding. Yep, it's going somewhere weird.
Once they developed all of those cameras, they found that a member of the wedding party and a lady guest decided to use that magical day to get it on in the bathroom... and used the cameras to document this coupling for the bride and groom to enjoy later.
They're lucky fb wasn't a thing back then, or I'm certain the bride would've helped share some of those wonderful pics with the other guests.
@Thumperchick agreed, we had a great photographer and videographer. Well worth the price.
@Thumperchick Agreed. My cameras had pics of drunk firemen peeing in the bushes!
@curtise @JonT the disposable cameras are great but you end up developing a ton a pictures you probably won't use. We gave out blank CD's in SASE mailers that people could load their pictures on and send back to use. Since pretty much everyone has a camera or smart phone anymore, it worked out really well.
Also - another vote for eloping and having a reception when you get back. If my husband would've let me, we'd have gone to vegas and saved ourselves a ton of money and drama. But it turned out great.
@Thumperchick Amen.
@Pavlov @Thumperchick I literally wanted to get married while skydiving but my husband wanted family to be there. I said they could come too but...yeah. He didn't go for it.
@janetv Mine said, "But our mother's will be so upset!" My response was, "But neither will be there so..." ;) (I obviously lost.)
Oh - AND CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU BOTH ! ! ! ! ! ! !
@Pavlov Ohh yeah! That too... :D
@Pavlov I'm holding off on congratulations until we get confirmation this isn't an imaginary girl. Sailor Moon comes back on the air and suddenly BOOM now JonT's getting married. Could be coincidence, could be not. Raises the eyebrow, one might say.
@Starblind He's written about it previously. She's the bomb I hear. Saying that, I have no idea why she'd agree to marry him, but those are the mysteries of the heart. :P
I wish them both all the happiness the world can offer and if he's chosen wisely, the world will be found in her eyes and that's all that really matters in this life.
@JonT - hold off on that watch purchase I suggested in the other thread, wait and see what you get after the nuptials.
Size does matter...
but in the case of a wedding, bigger may not really be better. We kept ours fairly small, that way everyone not only knew us, they all knew each other.
Youtube can be a suprising source of valuable life advice. Here's a video that outlines some of the reasons guests might feel anxious or understimulated during a wedding and gives tips that a gracious host might use to avoid those problems to ensure a lively and enjoyable event for everyone.
Much congrats and mazal tov, mister man!!!
I recommend you hire @matthew for ALL of your nuptial musical needs.
You should also Periscope the entire thing.
Besides that, just remember to have fun... (shouldn't be a problem)
EAT, DRINK, AND BE MARRIED!
@curtise @JonT MUST periscope the wedding!
I'd watch.
And so would the other 12 people that watch the Meh periscopes. ;)
If you are giving out wedding favors or something, make sure people know that, and take them- at a wedding I went to, few people knew that the plants and pint glasses were wedding favors, and by the end of the night it was too dark and people too drunk to take them.
Needless to say, there were a lot of plants & pint glasses sitting around the next day.
One of my favorite things to do was to set up a Flickr account for people to tag us in and upload their own pics of the wedding. Back then Instagram wasn't as big (it was circa 2011) so not a lot of people were on it but you could DEFINITELY do it. Set up a hashtag and leave little cards on your welcome table and reception tables for people to tag you guys to make sure you have the greatest and best FREE pics!
Something I REALLY WISH I did was have my Maid of Honor/Best Man save a food dish for both of us. Because of everyone at the reception I only got to eat my bite of cake when we cut it, a sip of punch and one dinner mint! I was STARVING. We literally left the church, went back to our new place and ordered pizza.
Some random words of advice, skip the decoration at the ceremony. Make it short. Save the money and decorate the reception area! Make the centerpoint of pictures YOU GUYS. See if you can get the photographer to turn around a couple times and grab pics of the audience. It's always nice seeing reactions to your greatest day. ALSO, don't keep so formal! Make sure you get great ACTUAL reactions to your happiness! It's more fun to look back at pics of you doing things like [see pic below] than it is to see straight-back, smiling-because-I-have-to pics of relatives. Yes, yes, take those too but remember to grin like a mad man, laugh and have fun!
Of course I put my lifecaster spin on things and livestreamed the whole thing. It's free and you can link people to it that wish that they could make it but live too far! I just had my maid of honor run upstairs (we had a balcony since it was a church), press Start, let it stream/record, and run back up when everyone's leaving! You could definitely let it run in the reception hall too if you plan to have great activities and dances but it's your call.
Congrats @JonT! You're gonna be the most beautiful bridegroom.
Jane + Jesse tax
@janetv He looks very excited to have married you, and you look beautiful.
Congrats!
When the big day arrives, there will be a lot going on and you'll likely be exhausted. If you'll be traveling for a honeymoon, give yourself a day or two to relax after the wedding & reception before you head out.
And, most importantly, if in doubt, she's right!
Of course, even if not in doubt, she's right!
@mediobarkre Too true! Don't plan 15 million things for the honeymoon. Take it easy! You just went through a wedding! If she's anything like me she probably won't get a lot of sleep leading up to it so make sure she has her rest time! Go all-inclusive resort style. We did all-inclusive Cancun and it was a blessing. We didn't have to worry about costs of food, alcohol, activities. We paid all up front for it and let the resort take care of us! We even got a free bottle of champagne!
Several of my cousins had a 2 day party with all the relatives there before they took off - take advantage of all those people there together, some of whom you seldom see. A cousin's kid just got married last weekend and many of the guests, including the bridge and groom, went on a raft trip the next day.
I'm in the same boat as you. Got engaged 2 years ago, just finally picked a date.
Elope or go cheap.
I just went to my sister's wedding, $60,000 for 80 people! Was it worth it? Not a chance in hell. The advice she gave me was the same, it isn't worth it for one day.
We even decided to have ours on a Friday night to make it cheaper. People will come and not care what you pay for it. Also, don't have an open bar. My sister had one expecting it to be like $2000. She got a bill for $7800 a week after the wedding just for the bar tab.
P.S. If you have some extra speaker docks lying around you can use those instead of a DJ somehow.
@bruinscbr Yeah, no one ever talks about that wedding "with the great linens and chair covers" - put your money into doing stuff that will make it about YOU and make your day fun.
@Thumperchick Exactly. I plan to just spend it all on the honeymoon.
@bruinscbr Holy cow, 60 grand?!
@Thumperchick Hell yes do I agree with that. My wedding is this weekend.
Now, I'm a little privileged because I work a.) for a university, and b.) in live events. So I was able to get the venue for practically free, convinced the campus caterers to get a liquor license and provide two bartenders and let me purchase the alcohol. Saved me literally thousands of dollars. Between that, paying some of my student staff to run it and getting food from Chipotle, we're looking at a little over $10k for around 110 people. I'd be glad to break down costs if anyone wants.
I think the thing we have focused on the most is music. My fiancee has been working on a Spotify playlist for months. This is mostly because we don't have a DJ, but it all really comes down to your budget. What do you want, what don't you want, and what can you do at reasonable cost.
Congrats, buddy, it'll be a hell of a ride.
@JonT Hire me to do your save-the-date, invitations, placards, favor tags, etc. Anything paper-related. Anything you want, I can do it, including laser-cut paper, calligraphy, etc. name your price + materials and I'll probably do it.
@HELLOALICE $3, 15lb cardstock, unicorn theme.
@HELLOALICE And on a less self-promoting note (but seriously I'm great), tell the venue you're having a graduation party or anniversary or something. Places upcharge for weddings.
Don't bother with a huge expensive wedding cake. It's a minor part that people will forget and he true enjoyment comes from the taste. Choose two: elaborate, tasty, not expensive.
Choose favors that people will use and tag them clearly as favors. Nobody actually uses candles though so maybe pass on that. Same with frames. Edibles are nice. People will save the invitation and program if there is one, favors tend to get recycled for garage sales.
Make a clear dress code. If it's casual people will feel awkward if they dress up. If it's formal, the photos will look weird with one or two people in jeans.
When in doubt, string lights and tulle strips can add a shitload of class and beauty to a wedding without breaking the bank.
Consider a paper flower bouquet (cough I can also do this). It will last forever and be a beautiful reminder for your wife, and you can have matching bouquets and corsages made for the party. It's cheaper and easier to match a color theme, you don't have to worry about picking them up close to the wedding or preserving them. If you're a literary nerd you can get bouquets made from you and your wife's favorite books (printed, not the actual chopped up book).
For your wedding night, nothing beats a bed and breakfast. Not as sterile as a hotel and quieter and you'll usually get a special touch from the owners.
I have more but I have to get off the bus!
@Thumperchick Are you getting married, too? :P
@HELLOALICE Nope, I just like cards and unicorns.
@HELLOALICE God yes I agree about the cake. Go hit up CostCo or Sam's Club, they're cakes are supposedly awesome for really decent prices. Sam's will even do tiers (though it obviously costs more). I'll see if I get any pictures of mine this weekend
@JonT You could just invite @Pavlov and have him take the pictures.
@mfladd I haven't shot a wedding in what seems like forever - now, if asked, I'd probably NOT shoot it traditionally, I'd shoot continuous 4K video off three or four rigs and pull my stills from that footage and never miss the shot. You could still pose the participants, but the images wouldn't rely on the shutter release . . . It would take a shit load of storage space and each rig would have to pull focus and the lighting would have to be a bit different (maybe, depending on the location) but I'd bet it would be light years better results in the end. If you're going to video it anyway, hire a (much) better crew and blow out the video production and pull your stills off that - why double pay? As long as you got the wedding party shot / lit right, the rest would be a breeze.
@Pavlov just saying @jont, I know a guy that could probably create a magical wedding video...
@Pavlov If I'm ever wealthy and getting married I'm gonna rent a couple Red cameras and do just that.
@HELLOALICE Oh dear God no. A Panasonic GH4 in the right hands shoots 80-90% as good in overall quality vs. a RED EPIC.
Shoot ARRI (preferable) or Sony.
@ChadP I'm picturing running commentary from Glen throughout the whole thing.
@Pavlov I actually work with a couple of event photographers who basically do exactly that. They shoot 4k video and get all their still photography images from it.
@Bingo Seems like a no-brainer to me. I can completely appreciate that there may be several shots that I and the wedding party would like to pose and use flash creatively, but otherwise I'd light it right and shoot it in 4K. Never miss the shot (unless the camera was pointed in the other direction).
@Pavlov Except you're limited on the resolution when you shoot at 4K video. A still camera like the Canon 1dx has a resolution of 5,184 × 3,456. 4K video is only 4096 x 2160. That is significant if you plan on making large prints.
@cengland0
We routinely pull 20x30 fashion prints from 4K with amazing results. I can't tell a difference between an interpolated and sharpened still image (4K frame) printed at 20x30 vs. film, and I'm pretty damn discerning.
http://www.bhphotovideo.com/FrameWork/charts/resolutionChartPopup.html
Acclaimed cinematographer Abraham Joffe took a different approach to this issue, wanting to ascertain how much he could enlarge a print from a 4k frame and retain professional sharpness. His answer is a gigantic 55 inches . . . and that was back in 2012 before his camera could shoot RAW:
http://www.untitledfilms.com.au/2012/12/micro-expression-exploring-motion-image-photography/
^ Amazing read - worth the time.
I'm not seeing an issue - the most common "large" sized print is 24x30 for above a mantle or in a hallway / staircase - I can pull that off with a 4K still.
I suppose if I knew in advance that the issue of "larger" prints would be of concern to the client I'd shoot in 5K at 48fps or in 6K at 4-8fps on my ARRI and pull from there.
For the average wedding, I don't see shooting in 4K being an issue - plus now, more and more people don't want a lot of prints, they'd rather have the files to share digitally. I never once printed anything larger than 16x20 and I shot weddings for a lot longer than I wanted to in the late 80's - they're a royal ass pain.
On the 11x14 we crop and submit to magazine (RAW) for cover (4K pulled from moving image master), they no longer even ask / care if it was shot static or not . . .
I'm not saying I can't see your point, I do- and I can appreciate it in certain situations, but I'm not seeing how much of an issue it truly is for 90% of the weddings anyone might shoot as it isn't an image for us shooting fashion - and they're as picky as a four year old eating his own boogers.
@Pavlov Wow... I wish I had known... I would have tried to get our wedding done in 4K and forgotten about the rest... Some things do end up going by the wayside when you only have 3 months to plan... and a photographer/videographer was the 1st to go for us... We didn't see the need to pay that much of our own money for it, but at the same time If I had thought about pulling stills from a high quality video... Anyway.. We're very happy with the video that was shot from iPhones by a friend and the photos that were taken (mostly by iPhones) by guests and the crappy throw aways we left... only one person shot something in the restroom... and we had a good laugh trying to figure out what part it was.... all we knew was it was hairy and blurry as all hell...
On another note... We loved having our wedding our way. Saving where we could as we didn't see the need to spend too much on it, as we knew there may be a baby soon... which there was ;)
@jont a friend of ours went to a pizza food truck wedding, and that sounded interesting. We had food stations for people to make different choices -- it made it so no response on food was necessary -- one less thing to keep track of.
I departed our church in a trolley -- took all the little kids with us on the ride to the hall. Was married in March to save money, and the rolls royce wouldn't come out in March. :)
Whatever transportation you have, make sure you have a cold drink available. That receiving line is hell !
I love my husband more than just about anything, but not for love nor money would I have another wedding!! Next time, it is living in sin!!
@mikibell Or go to the courthouse? Clerk of courts is cheap!
I had a small wedding on the stage of the nightclub/restaurant where my husband and I had our first date. We had it on a Sunday when they were closed. Open bar, Nascar on the TV (Tony won the championship), homemade wedding cake. It went by so quick that I don't remember much. It was good we had pictures or else I wouldn't have any memories.
I would say slow down and enjoy the day. Hopefully it will be a once in a lifetime occurance.
p.s. Congratulations!
hi guys. i'm the bride-to-be, and i'm not an an imagination-type girl.
thank you all for the advice!!! we truly have no idea what we're doing. but i figure that as long as i end up with @jont i'll be pretty gd happy.
@lau Congratulations!
@lau Hi lau! Nice to meet you!
Conga-rats!!!
@lau Oh good Lord sweet baby Jesus he better be smiling from ear to ear for the rest of his life.
From the look of it, you'd make a good dog break his leash.
@lau @JonT
@lau Daaang @JonT you made out!!! Congrats to both of you! You look so happy!! Sob I love love
@lau @jont You two look so cute together, and so happy!
@lau Ok, @JonT , that does appear to be a non-imaginary girl, so CONGRATULATIONS! Whatever you do, though, don't make the same mistake I did and skydive on your wedding day, then fall into a tomato truck in rural California and get arrested. Wait, actually now that I think about it that was a Full House episode so maybe actually you should do that. Not sure.
@lau @JonT Congratulations and Best Wishes!
@lau @jonT Congratulations!
@lau Aww, look at that, you guys are adorable and beaming! Congrats you guys. And for what it's worth, eloping was the best decision I ever made. Even if you don't, remember that the two people who need to be happy at the end of all of it are the two of you! Don't lose yourselves in the whole crazy wedding process.
@lau Was this one of the Kickstarter rewards?
@lau Hey I know you
@lau This is the first time I have seen @JonT in a non Mediocre branded shirt.
Gotta agree with others that suggest you elope. Save a ton of trouble and money.
I can marry you here in Florida. C'mon down, I'll take care of the paper work. But I have to tell you, I'm an ordained Pastafarian. (True dat! Legal in all 50 states. Not your Universal Life Church bullshit.)
@Teripie I did the Universal Life Church thing online in a pinch to marry a friend - at the time it was the quickest option to get me registered to perform the ceremony.
I've told you for over a year now. E to the L to the O to the P to the E.
I'm extremely shy and don't like the focus to be on me, so I was going to go to a justice of the peace, but our families would have been a bit hurt. We ended up doing a really small ceremony at a church with just parents and a sibling. Afterward, we went to Crackerbarrel to eat (I know it sounds pretty redneck). Maybe not the dream wedding for most women, but it made me happy. To be married to my husband is all I really wanted. I'd say just go with what makes you both happiest.
Also, CONGRATS! :D
Don't let your wife give away your food... actually eat at your wedding... She took my food away and I still complain to her about it. The planning part... you don't need a lot of time... My wife put it together from December 1st we picked April 1st as a date... Put it all together and it was definitely awesome!
Congratulations!
ALSO! Don't let your wife drink too much before walking... My wife was half in the bag before walking. While this wouldn't be bad in a typical sense... We had our wedding in a very nice location but also happened to be a moose club, so she was getting her shots paid by old men hoping she would get cold feet and go home with them... I was creeped out...
@sohmageek whaaaaaaatttt???!
@jqubed what what? The last part may be my imagination. But why else would old men be buying someone in a wedding dress shots before walking down the aisle. Good thing the wedding paperwork gets filled out before so she was in the right state of mind to say yes.
Congrats to both of you, @JonT and @lau! Definitely do something unique. My nephew just got married this past Saturday in Ithaca, NY. He also had an internet ordained friend perform a funky ceremony. It was held at the Ithaca Farmer's Market. Although incredibly hot and humid out, it was a really interesting place, right on one of the Finger Lakes. The food was buffet style and they were classy enough to not shove the cake in each others faces (seriously, I hate that!) Just having an unusual setting makes for a more entertaining evening for all attending. I had always thought about getting married on a cruise ship. Take along the most important people to you, make it a vacation for them too. At the end of the cruise we would take off for somewhere else and continue the honeymoon privately. Who knows, maybe that will happen one day...
My sister really liked English Ivy and has a green thumb. So she had it in all the bouquets. She then rooted it and still has those plants 25 or so years later.
@Kidsandliz What a wonderful idea!!! Something to last as long as the love. <3
Sounds like a great opportunity for a live Periscope event.
@cengland0 I say they hire a professional photographer to shoot the wedding, but then hire @Pavlov to Periscope it.
You guys are just beaming. So cool to see a couple so happily in love.
I'm on the elope bandwagon as well. Let the immediate families know what you're doing so no hurt feelings, go someplace romantic, and get married where you can just concentrate on each other. Dress up and take pictures.
A month or two after you get back, throw a big party/reception for friends and family. You'll celebrate with loved ones, still get gifts, yet save tons of money and stress. You don't need to start your lives together with debt.
Be aware, however, it takes extra planning if you go out of the country to marry. Best to stay in country.
All the best to you.
Will Irk be officiating ?
@ceagee Nope but @Moose and I are both ordained and doing our best to get to tag team this thing on an every other word basis.
@MEHcus There has to be a Meh.com video series here somewhere...
My nephew had his reception in the Baltimore Museum of Industry. It was closed to the public, but the exhibits were open to the wedding guests. It made the cocktail hour very interesting. There was also a beautiful view as the Museum sits directly on the Inner Harbor.
the disposable cameras is fun, as is a photobooth, and they aren't as expensive as you might think. we have had them for he last several company parties and they are great.
@vampje Magnet pics are great, too - like a photobooth, but your guests walk away with a magnet pic.
My friends asked me to perform the ceremony for them. There was 6 of us plus the photographer and we did the ceremony underneath a Triceratops skeleton at the Museum of Science. It was pretty awesome.
Later on we met up with some more friends for a dinner and then that summer they had a more formal reception with the wider audience (family).
Morals of the story:
- I performed a marriage once, so I can offer at least a 3 year guarantee and a baby if you guys hire me.
- Do something small and meaningful to you for the ceremony, then go bigger for the after party, not necessarily on the same day.
Disclaimers:
- I may have forgotten the rings portion of the ceremony.
- I managed to Rick Roll them during the vows.
- Somehow between the couple and myself, we all forgot to get the actual marriage license, so technically I didn't marry them, even though I was sanctioned by the state to do so on that day.
@TaRDy That thing about needing a license? Minor detail!!
Don't hire a fire dancer when you have fire-breathing guests. They will assume they can work together and one of them will end up on fire.
@katylava storytime? Please be storytime.
@cj0e that pretty much sums it up. but i also posted about it here.
@katylava thanks! Missed that somehow!
Will there be a link to your wedding registry?
Going skeet shooting is a fun bachelor party activity thats a bit less on the salacious side.
I want to keep bumping this thread so the kitty wedding gif is the forum banner always.
@lau & @JonT, Congrats, you two!!
I went to a wedding a couple of years ago where they placed empty chairs across the table from the bride and groom at the reception. That way the happy couple didn't have to wander around the reception to visit with everyone, they could sit and relax and eat while friends and family came to them.
Also- and I am a bit biased here- but I'm a fan of wedding reception fireworks
@Kleineleh Fireworks to a couples favorite songs would rock.
@Kleineleh Please explain the bias: are fireworks your career?
@mfladd Yes! I also like doing it when the couple is first presented as Mr. & Mrs. so-and-so at the reception
@jqubed Yes, sorry, I left that part out. I'm a licensed Pyrotechnician and work with a professional fireworks display company
@Kleineleh You're, like, my new favorite person here!
@jqubed haha, it's pretty cool but it's also, like, 95% heavy, physical labor
Don't let the expectations of family members dictate the type of wedding you have. Just because you're expected to have a traditional wedding by the parents/grandparents/whoever, doesn't mean that you have to. If you want to have a super geeky wedding, or a goth wedding, or go full hipster, do it. It's your day, not theirs.
Plan to compromise with each other. Sometimes that means not getting what you want and sometimes it means letting them have something that you don't like very much. It's not just her day. It's not just his day. Make it special and don't sweat the small stuff.
We had a super small ceremony on a river bank, by a tiny waterfall. We married on a Sunday morning, 10/10/10 and said our vows at ~10:10 am. I wore a lovely purple dress and he wore a purple dress shirt because he loves me. I made my bouquet and even though it was all simple, it was everything I wanted.
(He compromised [willingly] on the colors and I compromised by keeping my hair my natural color for a brief time)
Our reception was a luncheon, prepared by my brother's partner at the time. That was his present to us and it was lovely. Small, intimate, and perfect. You don't have to go big or go home; there are lots of acceptable in-between.
Also, I think I said it before, but in case I didn't, I congratulate you both, @JonT and @lau, and wish you nothing but the best.
@PurplePawprints You both look great - and I am so feel'in the purple! (where's @Barney)
@PurplePawprints GORGEOUS!
BOTH of you, (And the scenery, and the flowers.)
@PurplePawprints Lovely!
@PurplePawprints You have not met my mother. And I love your dress.
@PurplePawprints Looks like a beautiful setting.
@mfladd @pepsiwine @jqubed @sammydog01 @Kidsandliz Thanks! It really was just perfect for us, and that's the most important thing. No matter what type of wedding you have, big or small, simple or extravagant, just make sure it's as close to perfect for you as you can imagine on your budget.
@BARNEY ! ! !
@PurplePawprints Suggest future photoshop contest with lavish prize for removing car from background of photo.
@Starblind Seriously though, I've thought about having it done. That stupid truck ended up in quite a few pictures. >:-(
@PurplePawprints So subtle.
@Starblind Haha And that right there is why I've never asked "the internet" for help with it. I've also never cared enough to attempt it myself, either. Other than the photo book I had made, I never printed any of them.
@PurplePawprints
@Trillian right click Save image as
@PurplePawprints
No truck and corrected (right click, view image on my server, then save for resolution matching your posted original):
That slight dark shadow above the bed of the truck (has an almost blue hue) was present in the original, if you don't like it or find it distracting, I can remove it.
@Pavlov You are awesome! My husband and I thank you. :-)
@Pavlov well done!
@PurplePawprints No problem. Enjoy!
@Pavlov Nice to do that for them. I learned how (taught myself) how to do that years ago. My advisor wanted me to fix old family photos (um yeah so much for doing academic work - nothing like personal chores - on the other hand I liked learning how to use it). It was cool to see how creases, stains, yellowing, and in one case a hole could be removed.
See the blue that was behind the truck (small tree below it)?... I am thinking it might look a bit better to continue that tree (or at least the trunk - likely need to be continuation of the tree already there and create the lower part of a tree behind it) or take the blue out and make it blend better with the green around it. I don't have photoshop to give it a go though myself.
@Kidsandliz I thought about it - but I was concerned about my not knowing the specific topography . . . If there were foliage present with that hue, and it was not an anomaly of the camera's sensor opposing the dark(er) truck, I didn't want to distract from the integrity of the image. I wanted to do as little possible, while only removing the truck.
@Pavlov I think you did a fantastic job. It looks perfect! I just wish I'd gotten the larger original off of my external hard drive and posted it, rather than being lazy and downloading a smaller version from Facebook. haha
@Pavlov Yeah that is true. I didn't think of it from that point of view. I was just seeing the flow interrupted - but then again I was looking since I knew the truck had been there. Likely most people won't even notice because they have no cue to and because they will be focused on the people, the overall setting. Sure is a nice setting for wedding photos.
@PurplePawprints What a good looking couple! And you have a most excellent taste in a wedding color.
@Barney Thank you! It's good to see you back!
"yes dear"
That's your answer. Doesn't matter what the question is, that's your answer.
What would you do differently? the bride (sorry)
I also would have preferred a much smaller wedding, or eloping and throwing an informal party afterward, but my bride insisted...
What would you not change? civil ceremony
What was your unique twist on things? marriage performed by family member
What was your biggest success? not borrowing any money for the wedding or honeymoon
What was the absolute best part of your wedding? the dancing
I've never been married, but I'll give you my wedding advice just in case you haven't already heard it from someone else:
ELOPE
My parents eloped when they were teenagers and got married, quote, "somewhere in Tennesee, or maybe it was Kentucky". There are no pictures, no frozen wedding cake in the freezer, no souvenirs. The only memory my mother has of it was that she was wearing a mint green pantsuit (no comment on her weirdly-selective memory).
But they have also been together for 44 years. They don't fight, or even bicker. In fact, in all my years I have never even seen them yell at each other, not once.
But, in the event that elopement is not possible, here are my suggestions for a good wedding, based solely on my experience being a bridesmaid at my douche-waffle of a sister's shitty wedding:
What was best about her wedding?
That it was short and the reception had an open bar.
What would I not change?
My sister's excellent choice to wear a lovely matched-set of powder blue, lacy lingerie under her wedding dress.
What should she have done differently?
Not taken Valium right before the ceremony to calm her nerves.
I know we all should've learned from the movie 16 Candles, but my sister, Drama Queen Cuntface, is a nurse, so she was very confident that doing a little pill popping, pre-ceremony was a grand idea.
She made it through the ceremony just fine, but after some champagne at the reception she passed out in the women's restroom. I had to call her father to carry her up to her room. (He's my father, too but on this particular night I didn't want to claim any of them as relatives.)
Up in her room we tried to get her to wake up but couldn't. So her wedding night was not a romantic encounter with her new husband; it was my unconscious, dork-butt sister sprawled out face-up on a hotel bed and me, my mother, and aunt undressing her from her wedding dress, putting her into pajamas, and flopping her into bed.
At least she had nice underwear on.
It's almost like she prepped for this.
Where was her hero husband through all this?
(Still) Drinking and bitching about how they might miss their flight out on their honeymoon in the morning.
On the bright side, they're still together, too, after over 10 years together.
But that's mostly because he hides his hatred for her through his incessant golfing and she shows her hatred of him by running up the balances on his credit cards at the casino.
Just keep this sage advice in mind and I'm sure your wedding, however you choose to do it, will be just fine.
Congrats!
@pepsiwine "And a good time was had by all."
@jqubed No, it wasn't. There are pictures from the wedding where I am dead-seriously scowling at my family members. Full-on lips-pursed, piercing evil-eye staring them down.
But I was pissed because my spiteful, hateful, self-centered whore of a sister bought my bridesmaid dress for me.
Keep in mind that I was ONLY asked to be a bridesmaid because she only had ONE female friend. And I wasn't even offered the maid of honor position. That went to the other gal.
So anyways....
Ahead of the wedding, she, my mother and I had all gone to the store to get my bridesmaid dress. I told the store I needed either a size 6 or an 8 to try on. They said they had very few left to try on and none in those sizes, so they would have to order it.
While in the store, my sister argued with me saying she thought I needed at least a size 10. The lady said that she has a size 10 in stock that I could try on. I told my sister that I would be happy to try the size 10 on so they could see that it wouldn't fit me. But she refused and just kind of laughed it off, so I thought (hoped) she had just been joking.
I was in college at that time so my sister offered to pay for it. I told her that was fine, but to be sure and order the right size since I won't be able to try it on. I said to just go with the size 8 that way, even if it's a little big we can take it in.
I never heard any more about my dress until I arrive at the church on the day of the wedding. My sister had had the dress this whole time (since it was ordered over a month ago), and hadn't said anything to me about coming to get it or try it on in advance of the wedding to be sure it fit.
Well now I know why.
So I get to the church to get dressed before the ceremony. The dress is hanging there. And it's a size 10.
And I am most definitely somewhere between a size 6 and an 8. And my sister knows this. Because SHE is somewhere between a size 10 and a 12; but she is also a nasty-cunt-whore would couldn't accept that her sister was thinner (and better looking) than her. So she ordered the larger size on purpose, as a cruel prank and so her delicate ego wouldn't be shattered.
I was beyond livid. I might have actually been okay with it if it had fit me; but it was drooping and hanging off of me, to where anytime I bent over you could see straight down my chest to my feet.
I refused to wear it and told them I wasn't going to be in the wedding. I mean, my trash bag of a sister has a long history of doing mean and cruel things to me, but this was a new low, even for her.
Well somehow once I refused to be in the wedding this turned into ME being the bad guy and the whole rest of my family accused ME of being selfish. Even though it was my goldigging-whore-of-a-sister's fault.
So now the family is mad at me and pressuring me to be in the wedding even though I look ridiculous in this muu-muu, circus tent of a dress.
Long story short: I went through with the wedding wearing her cruel prank-dress. But she's still a miserable person.
@pepsiwine I feel for you, but why on earth would you agree to wear a dress at a wedding that you hadn't physically tried on until the day of the wedding? That sounds like a disaster.
On the bright side, she bought it for you. I had to pay almost $300 for the bridesmaid dress for my friend's wedding. "Anything," I told her, "Except strapless."
You guessed it. Hot pink, too. Would I do it again? Yes, because I love her. But ugh, fuck that.
My sister bought my bridesmaid dress for her wedding, it was $50 and cute and flattering, except I'm so weight-conscious I actually bought it a size too big and you could apparently see my white bra through the armholes. Oops.
@pepsiwine Do we have the same sister? Mine goes by the same name.
@HELLOALICE Oh, it's a long story, but even if I'd have asked to try on the dress ahead of time I'd have been ignored. Ignoring me and treating me like shit isn't a new phenomenon for my ex-sister.
And the dress was only a $100 bucks. I'd have GLADLY paid that to be able to avoid this whole mess. I even offered at the store to pay for it - several times - but she and my mother kept insisting they would pay for it. Little did I know that this is what they had in mind...
My mistake was trusting them - EITHER of them.
I have since learned from that mistake and have ensured that it will not EVER happen again.
@cinoclav I don't count mine as a relative anymore.
But if you have a sister that was anything like mine, then RUN.
First, congratulations!
Next, a couple questions. Has either one of you (not your friend/family) dream about getting married? Have you discussed money as related to the event?
Yes, I am That one. I always seem to overthink stuff and go way overboard.
If you (meaning @JonT and @lau ) want a wedding, then do it! Throw out the stuff that says everyone goes to the church and wears white unless that is what makes you smile. Once you set a few boundaries the rest will come together.
As for my opinion, Elope! I did and we are still together more years later than I will admit to. Some states you can walk in with you ID's and fill out a form. One short ceremony later and you are set. We spent less than $200 including rings. The parents held a nice picnic later to announce to the family we were hitched. DH still asks if I want to get married again in a dress and church - NO!
Echoing above about a pro for pictures. I do wish we had more photos from our wedding and reception. Do encourage everyone to take photos and share with you. You will be on cloud nine and miss tons of good stuff. I would go with video based on JonT's posts here.
Whatever you choose do not stress out. The most important part is only a few minutes and the rest is icing on the cake or grins and stories later.
Let me know when you are ready to think about invitations. I have a pile of advice before you order.
TL:DR Get married according to your dreams and be happy! Take lots of pictures.
My Worst Wedding Which Was Shitty
One tip is if you decide to go with a theme, don't go overboard. I remember getting an invitation from a friend once who was doing a Star Wars wedding. I thought that was cute so I RSVP'd and made a basic Han Solo outfit out of pretty much normal clothes like Han wears plus a toy blaster pistol. But when I got to the wedding I saw it wasn't really a Star Wars themed wedding, but specifically a Chewbacca wedding. Everyone, including the bride and even the priest, was in a professional-looking costume as Chewbacca or one of the other wookiees. And wearing something that made everyone look really tall too. They'd all been making wookiee noises but when I opened the door the entire church became dead silent, and about a hundred wookiees turned to look at me. Complete silence and stillness. I was so unsettled that I just closed the door and spent the rest of the afternoon in my car.
Well, I didn't make any immediate attempts to talk to my friend again but after a few weeks I looked him up on Facebook and was shocked to see that he DID have a normal Star Wars wedding. There were even pictures. I was shocked. Where had I been? What had I seen? Would I ever get a thank-you card for the Williams-Sonoma soup tureen? [The answers are unknown, unknown, and probably not.]
@Starblind I'm not sure what I just read.
@jqubed @Starblind was just telling us about the time he hallucinated a bunch of Chewbaccas.
@Starblind I'll have what you're having.
@jont My wedding is a few months out. I say you come to mine and we can discuss what worked, and the cost. But only if you'll be on the dance floor. No dancing = not welcome
My tips if you're going the wedding route (because when else will EVERYONE in your lives stop for a moment and celebrate your happiness) and decide not to elope...
1) Plan the event at the same place you can put your out of towners
2) Get a day-of event planner. there will be plenty of snafus and egos that need special care. Do yourself a huge favor and pony up the money so you're not concentrating on the problems and instead relishing in the moment. And yes, they do exist
Be sure to end the reception before 12PM EST.
Just enjoy the day and don't stress. Something will always go wrong, so have a good groomsman and maid-of-honor to fix it.
Don't try to get the limo through the drive through at Burger King. It won't be able to make the turn. Trust me.
@Del That sounds like a great story, and I hope you'll elaborate on it.
@Del Don't worry, we would never ever go to Burger King.
@JonT more of a Whataburger couple?
@JonT and @lau, no advice here; I've never been married and you've gotten lots of great ideas from everyone. (Although I will watch if anyone Periscopes it. I loves me the Periscopes.) Just wanted to congratulate both of you and wish you a lifetime of great times.
My sister learned the hard way, make sure the photographer knows what you want photos of. We have hardly any of the family together as he was taking random photos of guests. Corner the sucker early on, pull all the family together and get those family photos done.
Don't register at Amazon what you can at a brick and mortar store (easier to return), and start writing thank you cards right now. I'm four months past my wedding and I still haven't mailed mine.
@Moose And you guys expect the Fuku winners to return their birthday cards on time? The nerve.
My wedding was so long ago that I can't offer any advice about social media/apps. I had a SMALL church wedding, white dress and a few flowers. Would not have pegged myself as a wedding dress kind of gal, but I'm glad I did. Total cost in 1986 dollars for everything, including hotel rooms for out of town guests: $1000.
Every big blow out cost-of-a-small-house-in-Dallas priced wedding I've seen has ended in divorce. Best piece of advice I got before my wedding 29 years ago: Make sure the man you're marrying is one you'd marry no matter where the wedding is held--at the courthouse or in a cathedral.
Concrete advice:
Get good pics. Your teenage children will look at them one day and say in stunned surprise, "You look YOUNG!"
Write the Thank You notes before the Mothers-in-Law have to nudge you. It makes everyone happy, and you look GOOD in comparison to those ingrates that don't!
@JonT & @Lau - Have you heard of this honeymoon registry? You list different expenses and people can choose the amount they want to spend. My son used this site to elope in Switzerland (with my blessing). Check out the sample registries.
I know I appreciated how easy it was to use.
Think about the basics that you want, and consult a wedding planner. You may not want to spring for the extra money but depending on the size of the wedding, the cost to frustration ratio may be more favorable than you think.
Or as mentioned above, just get a day-of-event coordinator. I'm getting married in November, and my fiance is an actual wedding planner - but we're still having someone else coordinate on the actual day.
If you are near Omaha I know a good photographer.
4 family weddings in 2 years. Eloping is a great idea. Having a "real wedding" can be worthwhile for getting people together - esp out-of-town ppl. As for the extras like food and decoration and music and a large #of people in the ceremony - less is way better than more. Let the focus be the people. Forget about "special touches" and v fancy anything - just wasted $. As long as the people you want are there, nobody remembers or cares about all the $ and time extras. Spend as little as you can manage while you and your guests have a great time. Be ready to mean your vows. Forget the rest.
First, congrats! Second, planning a wedding is stressful, there's no getting around that. A lot of stuff, by necessity, can't be done extremely far in advance so don't worry if you dave a couple months where you feel like you should be doing stuff but can't.
For my wedding, we went over budget on our DJ and it was the best decision we made. Meet with a few, trust your instincts, find someone that knows that weddings aren't DJ'ed like high school dances.
Good luck and congrats again!
@Einherjar13 Yes!! A great DJ can make a reception. A terrible one can kill it.
Some repeats but here are my tips:
1) Photographer - Get a great one, while we had a good one, there was nothing overly special or great about our pictures. I've seen much better photos overall and some much worse ones. Wish we would of spent more on this.
2) Open Bar (I know you are doing this)- Seriously it's worth it, your guest likely spend a decent amount of money to attend, they deserve an open bar, everyone is just happier.
3) Seating Charts - Personal preference but every wedding I've been too went so much smoother with a seating chart. No open spaces, it just works.
4)Various Dessert - we went a bit overboard (since we had the hookup on free dessert), but we had a 48' dessert table filled with all sort of cakes, sweets and treats. 7 years later I still occasionally here about our great desserts.
5) Tell your best man/woman to keep speeches short, long ones get boring quick.
6) Double check the venues have your reservation at least a few weeks before. See below.
7) Pay with check/credit card for all venues. Our venue double booked and we didn't find out until we did our double check a few weeks before. Luckily we were able to prove we booked first. Poor other couple.
8) Chair covers are worth it...probably. If the venue has ugly boring chairs, get the covers. It makes it look less like a graduation and more like a wedding.
9) If you're doing a few photos with the wedding party after in various locations get a limo or bus or something where you can all ride together.
10) Finally and most importantly. Keep some type of tissue or cloth in your pocket. This way if you get nervous or warm and your hands get sweaty you can slip them in your pockets grip the tissue and have dry hands. No one likes a wet hand. No one. (Also works for Job interviews or anywhere where you will be shaking hands...not that you plan to leave your current employer..just saying)
Open bar? No! *No!* No!
I've bartended a few wedding reception open bars and the orders were I'd get $10 for every empty bottle. Let me tell you, while not exactly pouring it down the drain, I always managed to empty a lot of bottles!
@Teripie We went with a capped consumption bar. We had a set $$ limit and the venue told us when we were getting close to it. It helped balance the cost well.
@Thumperchick I worked at a froo froo country club. I imagine they gouged the hell out of everyone. They paid me very well though.
@Teripie The place we went was low key. When we hit the limit, it was as the party was winding down, so they just let it go.
Have a huge wedding. Invite all mediocre staff and meh community members. Have a cash line like in Goodfellas. Don't hold back.
@denboy and spend huge money on a cake
@mfladd And not only have an open bar but give everyone that comes a bottle of scotch as a gift.
@denboy yes, and wedding gift bags full of fuku. Why be cheap about it?
Here's what you do. Head on down to the county clerk's office and apply for a marriage license. Assume you ain't cousins or nothin', that'll be approved and then you can schedule a time with a judge. Invite a couple of witnesses. (parents are convenient and usually grateful to be included) The judge will say some stuff, you'll say some stuff. You'll sign some stuff, your witnesses will sign some stuff. Then Boom! Married! Now you can use all your money for fun stuff like honeymoon plans! The downside of this is you may not get as many wedding gifts if you have no formal wedding nor reception, but that's ok. You have lots of money from not having a wedding to spend on stuff you actually want/need.
This is essentially what we did. Happily married for almost 10 years. Someone thought it would be cute to stick twinkies all over my car and write "just married" on it with some other crap while I was in the courthouse. First stop leaving the courthouse was the car wash. Then off to the casino for a weekend getaway before the official honeymoon.
Edit: I almost forgot! The ORIGINAL plan was to do the Vegas thing for less planning, but then our folks were like, "Sure, I'll go." And then it got to be too much planning...when can we go, who all is coming, where is everyone staying... NOPE courthouse it is.
A friend of mine is getting married in a few months and is registered on zola.com. It looks pretty cool 'cause you can register for things anywhere- she said it's like pinterest for wedding gifts. And you can set up group gifts where people can contribute as much as they'd like toward larger items or things like a down payment on a house or the honeymoon fund.
Congrats. She's got herself a real catch.
Congrats! My top tip: Relax. And prepare her for the worst, so when it goes better than it could've gone, she's happy even if it's not perfect.
I just got married in July. I would suggest eloping, but I see that's already been suggested, so here are my top tips:
I just have to post this somewhere:
While we were negotiating the final contract (which he finally got to me 3 days before my wedding), I asked to remove the nuts from the salad that my now-wife was allergic to, and to remove the extra bartender that we didn't ask for that got put on there. Here's the response I got.
"Mark where do i send the check ? good luck finding a catering co that is CHEEP enough for you. we just could not get it right for you."
And just a side note:
Memorize things that require a paper or something to read off of. I forgot my vows, but I'd kind of memorized them. My vows were the favorite part of the ceremony for many people, despite the fact that I spent the first half of my wedding thinking "No freaking way. No way. Where are they? WHERE ARE MY VOWS?!"
On July 22, 1985, I went to the courthouse to finalize my divorce from my cheating husband who was in the Philippines.
I took my friend Larry with me to act as my witness.
After the judge declared my divorce official, my friend Larry and I went downstairs in the courthouse and got a marriage license.
Then we went and visited a friend of his who had a notary license.
He notarized our license and we were married.
Then we went to our favorite bar and got shit faced.
A good time was had by all.
30 years later my friend Larry is still with me. Pretty good friend!
@Teripie AWWWWWWWW
@Teripie Happy Belated Anniversary
@mfladd Thank you! Too sweet!
I'd take fewer arranged, group photos. I missed an enormous portion of the wedding due to this.
I'd have a much more casual affair. We're casual folks. Tux & Dress were great for the ceremony, but something a little more laid back for the reception would've been nice. Renting out a BBQ shack with an outdoor area & stage for a live band would've been awesome.
I would've gotten a bigger space. The room was adequate for the number of guests, but spending more on the room and less on the "too many courses" formal meal.
I would've gotten a band instead of a DJ.
Number of attendees. We had 180 people. There are a few people who probably should've been invited, but weren't and visa versa, but on the whole, we did well in estimating and organizing this large-ish event.
Open Bar. We had a crowd that would expect nothing less. We could've gotten away with beer-and-wine bar, but I'm happier with the full bar.
Nothing. It was business as usual for the area. Church ceremony, formal reception at restaurant banquet room... "Unique twist" never entered our minds. It still doesn't strike me as important. It's important to enjoy yourself, create an event where others will enjoy themselves, and to spend as much as necessary to do this, but not a penny more.
Consummation, and running the bloody sheet through the streets of the village.
I doubt that this was the "absolute best part," but the part that sticks out at the moment - that 50 or so of our closest friends made the trip from our shared home city (Miami, FL, at the time) to our childhood hometown (The Wife & I grew up together in NJ).
Some advice given to me 21 years ago at my bachelor party that has worked well for me. "Never, ever pull the covers over her head and fart."
@kevin8er Always fart first, then pull the covers.
One last thing! Someone might have covered this but I'm too lazy to read everything about.
CUPCAKES Do not waste having a big cake where the pieces lay out and dry out and people may or may not take. Have cupcakes. People are more willing to take and even eat while walking around talking to people. Lastly, have carriers so guests can take one home. The wedding I went to had little boxes to take one home, great idea to have hungover the next morning.
@bruinscbr Sort of ruins the cutting of the cake part of the ceremony. Do you just cut a cupcake instead?
@bruinscbr maybe it's a Southern thing but it seems like every crumb of the groom's cake gets eaten even if there's lots left over white cake.
measure of an awesome wedding is the degree to which it is a reflection of the couple. So... do whatever fits the two of you and makes people feel like they are celebrating YOUR vows.
What I'd do DIFFERENTLY:
Work with a wedding planner/coordinator, from the beginning. I'd served friends in this capacity, but I wasn't smart enough to enlist this kind of help when I started planning my super DIY wedding. (I got help along the way. As is evident by the fact that I am still alive and sane.)
I WOULDN'T change:
Having a bridal assistant. (This is mostly for the bride, obviously.) Bridesmaids can be pretty occupied with things like, "Crap, I should have steamed my dress!" and "What is my hair DOING?" It's nice to have someone back there who is focusing on... whatever you need.
Our UNIQUE TWIST:
Well... 80-90% of our wedding was a unique twist. And I loved every bit of it. But the thing people talked about the most was...
We served the food at our reception. Our wedding party helped. It was a lot of fun, saved money, saved us from a lot of awkward "receiving line" hugs, and... made things more interesting. Plus... I now own a floor-length apron. Who doesn't want an excuse to have something like that hanging around? Plus, it mixed things up in our conversations with all of our guests. Instead of 100+ variations on "You're married!" we had comments like "Chicken," "Brisket," "Can't I have both?" "This is so weird," "This is so brilliant," and, "I have never seen anything like this before." Honestly, it was a lot of fun and possibly my favorite part of the wedding.
Our biggest SUCCESS:
Maybe the limerick competition. We (and most of our guests) were working with a ministry that doesn't allow drinking, so our guests needed something other than alcohol to keep them occupied while they waited for the reception to begin. One of my bridesmaids came up with the idea the night before the wedding (yeah... last-minute brainstorming is what my friends and I do at a bachelorette party; we're a wild bunch). It gave everyone an opportunity to contribute to the awesomeness of the evening. And many of the contributions were beautiful and hilarious. Given, we had a decent number of song-writers and generally clever people at our celebration.
ABSOLUTE BEST PART:
Hard to choose. Of things I haven't mentioned, I think the toasts stand out the most. A few people came expecting to speak, but we open-mic'ed it after they were done. When I'm having a bad day, listening to the recording from our reception is one of the most encouraging things I can do. If your friends and family aren't as awesome as ours, though... you might want to be a bit more selective about who has access to the microphone. Especially after they've been drinking.
My measure. Oops.
(My husband is the one on my left.)
@christinewas - Great dress!!
@christinewas I just found this post. I've been trapped in Irk's Breakfast Quest. I was gonna mention the awesome stuff you already said. I'm actually glad you beat me to it. :-) You did a great job with your wedding.
@KDemo Thanks! I'm a huge fan of the french bustle. (Looks like something you meant to do, rather than a bunch of excess fabric hanging off your butt. Though, some dresses--and butts--actually look great that way.)
@joelmw Thanks, dad. Your epic father-of-the-bride speech was one of the highlights, by the way. Including the "blah blah blah" portion when you were scrolling through the notes on your phone.
@christinewas Aw, thanks. :-)
I don't know why I didn't see this before now.
I was a member of her wedding party and really enjoyed the serving line. It was such a cool experience to be able to interact with the guests in such a unique way.
I got married about 2 weeks later and @christinewas was my matron of honor. We too stayed up way too late the night before brainstorming about how my dad was going to walk around the train on my dress to get to his seat. We had it all worked out perfectly and then forgot to even mention it to my dad the day of the ceremony. To this day, I have no clue how he managed to not step on my dress lol
Make sure your DJ has the the right version (hard rock vs acoustic) of your wedding song.
Also, tell your fiancé to not put the veil back over your face after the kiss.
Good luck!
Elope — or go small.
Figure out what you can afford to spend and work from there.
Try not to spend a fortune on the wedding dress. Thousands of dollars for a dress you literally wear once. In Germany, maybe elsewhere too, the bride rents her dress just like the groom rents his tux.
Don’t hire “a guy I work with” to do the photography (or the bartending).
Have as few attendants as possible—one is plenty. One of the girls will turn out to be a bridezilla-wanna-be who only agreed to be in your wedding because she wants her boyfriend to get the hint already.
If there is a near-by trade school, see if they can do the flowers and cake. They charge less and the teachers supervise everything. No one will know you didn’t use the overpriced florist.
Don’t get pressured into hiring your cousin, a neighbor, your brother-in-law for anything you want done right.
Don’t get pressured into inviting people you haven’t seen in more than a decade, people you don't like, people neither one of you has ever heard of, dad’s important clients, etc. Your third cousin once removed isn’t going to have hurt feelings if you don’t send an invitation. Don’t invite people just because you know their first and last name and their address.
Don’t hire a band that thinks they are performing in a stadium. People want to be able to talk without having to yell just to be heard.
Remember, the wedding is the least important day of your marriage. Even if you don't have the circus elephant procession or waiters on roller skates or whatever, at the end of the day you will be married. And isn't that the most important part?
Relax, enjoy and congratulations.
While I am not yet married I have Many co workers and Customers that just love to talk and wedding plans are one thing we talk about, so here is what I have learned.
1) it's your day. if you want it then you do it. I can't tell you the number of times heard that "so and so, wanted us to do this and now I'm not happy with the results"
2)if you are doing a bar, 1 or 2 types of beer 2 types of wine and MAYBE a signature drink and even then only 1. TRUST me on this this one is coming from a caterer, he has a great story about this but I'm too lazy right now to type it.
3) unless this a religious type group make sure you have booze. think of it as your gift to the guests, no body cares really cares about the favors, except maybe mom and dad
Now here's how I see my wedding. I'm eloping, then when I get back I'm having a pot luck reception / party and I'm bringing the drinks. (I've been in love with the idea of the pot-luck since I was a kid and friends of my mom said that's what they did)
It's your big day, make it totally yours and have a blast best of luck @jonT and @lau
@Foxborn
Just out of curiosity, religious people aren't allowed to drink booze or something?
@cengland0 some groups are weirdly strict about it. Where I live we have a lot of Anabaptist types and most of those are anti booze
@cengland0 The large Christian ministry I used to work with had a strict "no social drinking" policy for all staff members. Most of the staff were 20-somethings.
@cengland0 My oldest brother married a Baptist, and was told by her parents that the reception would be alcohol-free. My brother explained if there was no booze, then no one in our Catholic family would come. They finally picked the basement of a Knights of Columbus hall, which had a bar on the first floor. We were allowed to purchase our drinks upstairs and consume them at the reception, no doubt under the disapproving gaze of her parents.
@Trillian so it's a Catholic thing... and all this time I thought it was just me
@Foxborn First time I ever got drunk in my life was at a Lutheran wedding (I was 13) and they held the reception in the basement of the church.
@Foxborn Colorado has the best pot luck parties
@Pavlov Lutherans are not Anabaptist. they are know for their Pot lucks
@Trillian This is what I'm talking about, people think Catholics are crazy but that's nothing compared to the Anabaptist
No advice (our wedding was spur of the moment, asked my parents if we could have it at their house on New Year's Eve, had no idea they had a party planned, but hey! Weddings trump parties). Got a minister out of the paper, 86 year old black woman, the Reverend Mrs King. Ceremony (very interesting, he had to carry me over a broom and the guests shared apple juice and goldfish crackers) was nine o'clock at night. This coming New Year's eve it will have been thirty years.
Congratulations to the both of you.
We got married 30 years ago, we'd been living together for a year and decided just to do it in our home. Had about 30 guests, Justice of Peace, furthest guest (my sister) came from was about 4 hours away. Had the ceremony in the living room, when she came down the stairs in her dress (not full-on wedding dress, more of a white sheath-thing) she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. (Still is.) We all went to local restaurant for dinner, then took off for a week in Bermuda. Her son (age 20) managed the house while we were gone, including putting up a few folks who overdid it at dinner. Low cost, but very memorable. Would change nothing.
One more thought: since we were putting two households together we had a lot of duplicates, including 3 refrigerators, 2 washers and dryers, multiple couches, chairs, dishes, etc. Had a yard sale about a month before the wedding ... made enough to pay for the airfare for the honeymoon. Just sayin'.
Two pieces of advice:
1) Budget for a good band. They are what guests will remember from the reception.
2) If you're like we were, you shady have a ton of stuff and probably don't need more. Start a honeyfund website and have people donate to your honeymoon. Jas and I went to Moorea and Bora Bora. It was awesome.
Congratulations!
Don't do it. "Cool" girls turn into bitches as soon as they get married...or when they turn 40, whichever comes first.
@tb1999 psst - you're not supposed to bring your baggage to a celebration.
@tb1999 I'm already a bitch.
@lau @tb1999
Today I saw a report saying the average wedding costs $31,000.00. Of course you can do it more cheaply, but . . .
Elope!
So, @Lau, did @JonT promise you free VMP for life now?
Give your best man a time limit and a list of "don'ts". Don't expect common sense here lol
Im totally against eloping - people actually do care about your wedding and will feel left out to not be present. Obviously it's expensive but i agree with what some have said before - dont hire your "friend" to do photos or DJ. The MC/music and photos are worth paying good money for. Maybe the most important.
And have a decent gin!
Also our photobooth was a huge hit and we got copies of all the photos. I was initially against but glad we had it.
@march5th00 Not sure what a decent gin is, we had beefeater. I still have 3 bottles left over from the wedding 7 years ago. Started with 4, finished with 3 1/2. Maybe it was just my group, but apparently no one drinks gin at weddings.
don't do it. if you really loved each other, you wouldn't need a contract. in fact, if you truly loved each other, you wouldn't want your partner to ever do anything involuntary for you.
even if you do feel some strange urge to make commitments, you really shouldn't get such an ugly messy one-size-fits-all contract. get a cohabitation agreement drawn up that truly reflects the kind of commitment you two personally want.
at the very least, be sure to draw up a prenup. if you can't accept the fact that your partner might change in such a way that they no longer want to be with you, then you are not mature enough to be married yet. prenups can be very simple and very valuable. just agreeing on a parenting schedule and asset distribution plan ahead of time can make a world of difference down the road.
@tjamesturner
Make sure you have a meal waiting for you at wherever you're staying on your wedding night. You will be spending most of your time talking with guests and might get a few munches here and there, maybe, and will find yourself exhausted and famished.
Also, plan on having a drink at every table. You will lose whatever you're drinking regularly due to aforementioned guest interactions so just get new drinks whenever you need to.
Don't drive yourself after the wedding, last thing you need to worry about is your level of inebriation, or spending the night in the lockup.
Don't stay to help cleanup, you have friends for that.
@NigelF Definitely have a plan for food afterward!! We barely ate anything at our reception, and by the time we got to the hotel room service was closed. My wife didn't like the idea of ordering a pizza, so we brought in the huge tray of extra cookies from the wedding and ate them before bed.. lol
Here's my only piece of advise outside of what you know I think everyone should do (elope): Remember that this is about the two of you @JonT and @Lau. It isn't about anyone else. Sure others have supported you and love you dearly, no one is questioning that. But this day isn't about them. It is about you, about your love for one another, and about your hopes, desires and dreams. Make this day about you. Don't get caught up in what everyone wants you to do, even if they are fronting the bill. In the end, this is a day you should look back on and have zero regrets about the way you did it. Doing as others wish you to may lead to regrets. Don't lose site of what you want and what's brought you to this point in your lives. Congratulations again and best wishes from all of us.
@jont and @lau, congrats again! I know you guys won't elope, despite everyone's great advice to do so, but here are a couple of things that I should have advised weeks ago: 1) Plan a specific time for just the two of you during the ceremony. Otherwise, it's basically a hurricane of other people and then it's over. 2) Have someone get you food and someone play bouncer while you eat. Just...trust me. 3) Find a classy way to ask for money at the wedding. I've seen people get more than $13,000 at a wedding from drunk relatives and friends (speaking of which, have alcohol, please). That said, the whole "dance and throw money at the bride" thing is super awkward. 4) Please don't throw the garter. It's gross. Those things get sweaty.
Other than that, just do whatever you want. Your family and wedding party will take over the event, if you let them. Just...don't let them. Plan ahead. Best wishes to both of you.
Thanks for all of the advice everyone!
Eloping probably isn't an option, which I'm sure a lot of you understand since so many of you giving that advice didn't follow it yourself. ;)
I can confidently say that absolutely no part of the wedding will be Periscoped or livestreamed. I love y'all but that's not gonna happen. I'm sure I can arrange to post some pics afterwards though. :)
Thanks again for the advice, I'll let you know how it goes.
get a half gallon flask and carry it around with you during the reception. it's the only way you'll be able to get a drink. i swear, i didn't get to finish a single drink during my wedding reception. between going around meeting people, eating and dancing, i'd take a sip of my drink, put it down and never saw it again.
also, we did a dessert table and requested a very small cake to cut. when they brought the cake out, it had three layers. i thought, "this isn't small at all!". so the wife and i went to cut it. i pressed the knife into the bottom layer of the cake and was met with resistance. resistance no cake should be capable of, unless it was made with hockey pucks. the cake refused to be cut. perplexed, we started sawing at the cake. still no dice. the photographer saw all this and finally told us, the bottom 2 layers aren't real; it's just for show. they'd actually met our request for a small cake. it's just that no one told us they would make it look big, but only the top layer was actual cake.
@carl669 Heh my wife, the pastry chef, was wholly against cutting cake at the wedding. We did petit-fours instead which worked out quite nice (small so people can have exactly how much they want, and individual so we could have several flavors without too much effort). Only downside was my friend's girlfriend (now wife) got stung grabbing him a piece.
@NigelF BEES!!
@NigelF
@lau Ohh you're going to loooooooove your wedding gift :D
My wedding regrets are mostly with regard to the caterer. Idiots made the wrong food, including stuff my wife is allergic to. So... don't hire idiots?
Elope. My wife and I went this route after attending several over-the-top weddings of friends and family.
Having a wedding, you'll spend thousands of dollars hosting a party for other people -- be it family or friends. Years later, you might cherish the memories from your wedding, but I doubt it.
For my wife and I, it was money we didn't really have to begin with. We had about $5k, so our choices were to elope and spend the money on ourselves, or have a mediocre wedding that wouldn't be what either one of us really wanted. So, we decided to elope. It took some effort from both of us to compromise on how to elope. I had to wear a tuxedo, and she bought the dress she wanted. The next day, we were standing in the judges living room getting hitched.
A few months after we were married and had already spent the wedding budget as a down payment on a house, we sent out wedding announcements to our friends and family with an invitation to a totally informal cookout.
If I had it to do over again, I'd go the exact same route.
We got married last year and we had a mostly DIY wedding. DO NOT DO THIS! Or at least have someone around to be a day of coordinator. I was running around until it was my turn for hair/makeup and was not allowed out to the reception area after. Making all of your own centerpieces and decorating/setting up the venue takes a lot longer than you expect!
We planned on having food trucks, but ended up having the chefs from the trucks cater the wedding and cook on site. It was pretty awesome!
Instead of a large cake, we had a dessert/candy buffet and a small cake to cut there.
We also had an open bar - I don't know if you plan on this or not, but it was suggested (after our wedding) that you not let your guests know so they bring money for drinks - then have all funds collected donated to you at the end of the night!
As many have said - Do NOT skimp on the photographers! We had 2 on site the day of. Lots of good photos and different perspectives that way!
As far as unique goes - we had it in basically an open warehouse/airplane hangar and had pool tables! Instead of a guest book, we had a frame with wooden hearts that people could sign and drop in.
It was fun, but it goes by SO FAST..... OH! And don't get so drunk that you are hanging onto a dumpster like my new hubby was at the end of the night!
So you're probably done with all this advice but I'll throw in my 2 cents anyways. small, short weddings rock. write your own vows (that way you'll actually remember the ceremony). There's no need to keep them hidden from each other but make sure to include a surprise.
Spend time with your wife at the wedding. This will be more difficult than it should be but it'll be much more enjoyable if you just ignore all the people who think you should carve out time just to talk to them because they drove or flew a few hours.
If the wedding is formal change clothes for your reception!
Honeymoons should be no shorter than 2 weeks. even if that means going somewhere less exotic.
The first year is the hardest even if you've been together for a long time already. I've been with my wife for 10 years next month but only married 4. we've lived together for 7. The first year of marriage was still the hardest. While it doesn't get easier you get better at it. There will never ever be a day when you'll be able to stop working on your relationship, but there should be a lot of days that the effort you put in is the most rewarding part of your life.
She is beautiful, fun, sexy, and intelligent and she should always feel that way when you're together.
Would have hired a photographer. A friend did pics and didn't have experience.
Also would have put on sunscreen when I decorated for my outdoor July 8th wedding.
Unique spin: used storybook love from the princess bride in place of wedding march, had the friend who performed the ceremony do the impressive clergyman speech. (Mawwiage, Mawwiage is what brings us together today. ..) changed the vows so we said "as you wish" instead of "I do"
(I may be obsessed with that movie. .. I do skate as the Dread Pirate Robyn in roller derby though. )
We also got married on a Sunday, went on our honeymoon, and had a reception the following Saturday.
I've been married three times, but never divorced: second time was a renewal on our 20th anniversary. Third was a couple of years after my first wife died. I'm a big fan of the institution. I'm mostly gonna talk about the last one (which will be the last; she's stuck with me and if we don't die at the same time, I get to go first); if I go back to the other's I'll specifically say so.
What would you do differently?
I think by far the biggest mistake we made was not allocating time for our photos. We just didn't even think of it. Folks just sat and waited. And our photographer did an awesome . . . and extensive job. @christinewas (yeah, that's my kid) had the most awesome idea. We should have done something like that.
We had a ton of cool ideas that we didn't quite follow through on: personalized W&Ws (we had some, but not the way we wanted); a buddy (artist, songwriter, all-around amazing person) and I were going to work up the ceremony and he was going to officiate (we did none of this; but he was there and sang, so that was cool); I'd picked a bunch of music, but we never really worked out the logistics. Here's one of our songs.
From both of my last two weddings and the fairly recent wedding of my wife's best friend: arrange for someone reliable to do all of the cleanup (and of every conceivable kind) after the ceremony! You've got better things to do, yaknow, mostly each other.
What would you not change?
We didn't overdo it and we didn't adhere to convention. Whenever we started wondering what we should do, we'd reminded ourselves, "Who the fuck cares? This is our wedding." End of the day, @JonT, that's my emphatic counsel. Do what y'all want to do. It's about you guys. Sure, it's for other people, but it's for the people who are and will be there for you and that you want to be part of your life together. If you do something just to make anyone else happy; if they're not happy enough to just be there witnessing and celebrating the most awesome of joys with you, IMO, that's more than a little fucked up. But, hey, that's me.
At the renewal, the first wife and I wrote the whole ceremony, including our vows, but just about everything else too. We spent hours on this. It was a thing that we meant to do the first time and we'd gone through some stuff and already (before the ceremony) experienced some intense renewal, so it had been building. It was awesome. We made everyone cry--even the macho guys.
What was your unique twist on things?
My wife has an only son and a "nephew son" who lived with them through his teen years. I have an only daughter. My wife's dad--an incredible man, whom we love dearly--gave her away, but her boys walked her down the aisle and stood at her side. My kid walked with me and stood by my side. It was perfect. The kids also read some stuff during the ceremony. Also, my singer/songwriter/artist friend surprised us with a song that he wrote especially for our wedding. It also referenced one of my favorite songs from his previous work.
What was your biggest success?
Hmmmmm. Idunno. Us? :-)
What was the absolute best part of your wedding?
She was:
@joelmw Umm... Not to nit-pick, but are you sure that's how we walked out? I know that's where we stood. I just have very clear memories of figuring out how to loop my arms through the elbows of two men while holding flowers. And then the awkward moment when last-minute instructions were given to lead off with the foot I was standing on. It made for a good picture (evidence to support my memories) because everyone was laughing at my apparent inability to tell my left from my right.
@christinewas Ha. You're probably right. Even as I was writing it, I was fuzzy on the specifics. Now I feel dirty. Or, um, uncovered. But I stand by the general idea. ;-)
@christinewas Also, I think I'm remembering how we discussed it. Yeah, now that you've mentioned it, I'm sure you were walking with them and not me.
@joelmw Well, I'm pretty sure you're supposed to forget a small handful of insignificant details from your own wedding day. It means you were probably captivated by your beautiful bride, rather than focusing on all the wrong things.
Congrats @JonT. My piece of advice is to practice saying "Yes dear" and then use it every time you are answered a question by your fiance!
Here is a practice question,
S.O. - "Hon are you planning on shaving on our wedding day?"
YOU - "Yes dear."
This one's for @lau. If you haven't already picked a dress, I recommend considering a corset back. They're pretty, but the best part is that they pretty much guarantee a perfect fit. This alleviates a lot of stress regarding alterations and weight fluctuation. (Since you aren't an imagination-type girl, I assume you are not a stranger to such natural fluctuation.) You can pretty much go up or down a whole size and still have the dress fit like fairies zapped it onto you that morning.
@christinewas Thank you! I want to do a fairly simple above-the-knee number but I will definitely keep this in mind :)
@JonT and @lau Congratulations and best wishes. AND--Think purple! (Yep, that about covers it. My work is done here.)
Congratulations @JonT and @lau! A slightly unusual but kinda special thing at the most recent wedding I attended was that the bride's former 4-H group (also the one I was in years ago) served the meal at the reception.
On a not-so-cool note (and totally not under their control) there was also a torrential downpour and hail that delayed the wedding party's arrival to the reception. Oh, and a tornado about 12 miles away.
Sorry to be necroing this thread, and I haven't read beyond here to find out if it has happened yet, and you'll be ignoring everybody's advice anyway, but....
We will be eloping. We're actually calling it a guerrilla elopement. Six people total, all relatives, all with roles: bride, groom, officiant who is my aunt, two witnesses (her son and my sister), and a photographer (son's girlfriend). Got a limo to pick us all up from the hotel, and then take us to a local public location. Ceremony there, and the guerrilla part is we haven't bothered to get a formal permit for a ceremony in the location (permits were minimum $1100 and had to work through their official caters, for six people we can just blend in). Exact location has not been revealed to anybody, but we did scout locations, and we have a backup plan in case of rain that involves even more daring of the authorities. Lunch at a local brunch place, then ride the limo around the city and take pictures. Dinner at another good restaurant, and then have the limo drop us back at the hotel.
We already have the license, and my aunt went with Universal Live to get ordained. Lots of sparkling wine and stuff in the limo. We are both older, and it's her second (my first), so not much family to involve. It's what we wanted to do, and we're having fun planning the event and choosing the music to play in the limo (not all mushy romantic stuff; we've got songs that have meaning for the both of us, and Alecia Beth Moore really sings it like it is). We both acknowledge that the point of all this is to get married, and if it happens in the limo instead of elsewhere, so be it.
No video (I've heard too many stories of the actual video diminishing the memories of the event), and not many pictures; the photog is part of the party and I don't want her to see it all just through the viewfinder.
You'll do (or already did) what will work for you.
Remember the important part; you both love each other, and decided that mawwage was the right thing to do now.
Me again. The day has come and gone, and the deed is done. It all worked out just fantastic, for a really wonderful day. We ended up going across the Golden Gate bridge just about the time the Blue Angels started their airshow, and got to watch the majority of the show from the north viewpoint, which was a nice unplanned bonus. Had six wonderful people in the limo for the full day, and we all got along so well. Three minor glitches (my ring hasn't been delivered yet, but we had a good proxy), but all in all it was pretty grand!
@SIMBM I like your style! Congratulations and best wishes to you both for a life filled with pleasant adventures!
@SIMBM yes congrats! Sounds like an auspicious beginning
Try not to be uptight, shit happens and rolling with whatever that is will make for a much nicer day. I plan events and conferences for a living and regardless of intentions, something always goes wrong. When I got married I did not even know what my flowers or cake looked like until I arrived at the reception - I trusted the professionals to do their job and listen to my likes and dislikes, plus, not having a specific expectation for the details that were not critical to me set me up to be happy with whatever the result. If there is something that is critical to your day, spend more time/money planning that/those component(s) to try for perfection there, but do not expect perfection everywhere.
The biggest piece of advice I can give you applies everywhere in life - you cannot control everything (or everyone), you can only control how you react to whatever happens so do not let anything/one ruin your day, nothing is so important (aside from your health and safety) that you should let it ruin what should be your happy day!
@cbilyak great advice and something that I need to remind myself of far too often. Thanks and thanks again for the beer! :)
@jont Is your wedding registry up yet?
I feel like we all gave him really good advice, but no one said "Don't quit your job right before you married." Feel like that would have been useful.
@DaveInSoCal valid. well, it is okay, he already has all the supplies we sent him.
We collectively forgot the most important advice. Don't change your job. Stay right fucking there.
Oh wait. Too late. So maybe it's love the job you're in. Cause if you come home happy. You're bound to keep it going. (Or, sometimes, coming home not so happy leads to great angry sex. It's quite a mood changer ;) ) @JonT hope the new job is treating you well!
@sohmageek Check the comment on the thread right before yours. :)
@DaveInSoCal The thread got long and I didn't read... I didn't even read the one just before me... sorry man. but you didn't have something in there about angry sex...