I get high . . .
14. . . because it allows me to hallucinate as though I have a superpower and by employing at will such superpower I can choose
(pauses to inhale)
which of any of the infinite streams of realities forward in time
(pauses to inhale)
Okay sorry. Let’s start again:
I get high (pauses to inhale) because when I do I imagine some serious shit and sometimes I imagine that I can control the future with like a superpower and stuff (I know, it is so damn fluffy I’m gonna die too!!)
(pauses to inhale)
and so like in the future (one of these imaginary ones) I’m sure that there exists a reality in which this new psychotherapist I have been seeing shows up at my front door, drops to her knees and sucks my dick on the front porch to get me to come back to therapy after I cancelled all my upcoming appointments because I misjudged her hick ass and the only reason I may have even gone back for the second session (in which, dear reader, I was blue balled [metaphorically] - and very likely purposefully - as the appointment was cut abruptly short) is because I liked her tits . . . and then I figure out Friday she doesn’t know how to spell (and possibly she is unsure of the meaning of) the word ‘egregious’. And, maybe - just maybe - it bothers me a lot more than it should (have). But I’m afraid it bothers me just about as much as it should because it was the right amount to allow for this to happen:
BECAUSE (FOR REALZ, IRL AND SHIT LIKE JUST RIGHT NOW) I JUST LOGGED ON AND CANCELLED ALL MY UPCOMING PSYCHOTHERAPIST APPOINTMENTS.
BECAUSE REASONS.
Yeah, I know - I have issues.
Or, I’m just really high . . . or both.
. . . and look! In one of these infinite realities I chose to write this forum post and you just read it.
That is so fucking meta meta that it may actually be the fullest embodiment of meta ever yet expressed in any universe . . . existing or not . . . or existing and yet shouldn’t be existing . . . or is just all a projection of information stored upon the surface of a black hole.
(pauses to inhale)
Oh, and as I mentioned to my new therapist Meh.com - Doc, if you’re reading this, watch the clip below and then call me. Or don’t. But don’t pretend like we’re not going to fuck if you call me.
(pauses to inhale)
(pauses to inhale)
This is some complicated shit, people.
- 17 comments, 53 replies
- Comment
/giphy woah
As a GoaT who also uses meh for therapeutic reasons I am going to recommend Pornhub for your psychotherapist/Stacy’s Mom dilemma.
(safe pornhub clip added)
I am also going to recommend Art Therapy for everything else because “happy little trees” are a cure-all.
I have included this session for free.
Be well, fucker!
(also, that U.S. stage rant was awesome!!!)
@mfladd There’s a safe pornhub? What’s the point?
@mfladd Thanks, fucker.
@Pantheist Cornhub
@Pavlov
/image cornhub
As for your super powers, do you have a suit yet?
@mfladd The suit should have an exoskeleton, because walking high can be challenging. If you wear a powered exoskeleton and are in a driverless car, can you be arrested for DUI, since the suit and car are doing the driving?
@mfladd Here’s hoping it’s even remotely close…
/giphy hemp knight
@Fuzzalini Wow. Not even remotely close. How about:
/giphy Bluntman and Chronic
@Fuzzalini There we go.
I… umm… what? the? fuck?
@carl669 This somehow reminds me someone else’s drunk rant. I can’t remember whose that was…
@mfladd I was just about to post an introduction of Drunk Carl to High Pavlov!
I’d like to think of this as an
/giphy endless opportunity
/youtube let’s go smoke some pot
@2many2no
Gif changer!
@2many2no Agreed…endless.
(timing how long it will take for someone to come in and tell me I am going to hell)
@mfladd
Shame @shawn never added a timer or stopwatch command.
@mflassy I should just have a permanent one next to my name.
Countdown to some type of blowback in 3-2-1…
@mfladd
How DARE you suggest that!
@mflassy ummm…
@mfladd
Eh.
Misread what you wrote.
You East Coasters are not easy to understand.
(Though I can’t say West Coasters are any easier…)
@mfladd
Hint.
You’re not going to hell.
You just have a temp day pass out. so long as you’re good to your new bff and your kids.
@f00l
I thought the position for being the BFF of @mfladd was already taken.
If I’d have known it was available…
@mflassy
@mfladd’s newish bff is @mfladd-offspring-approved, and photogenic, and adorable.
I don’t think any of us could compete.
We’re here for you @Pavlov, post away.
Please to choose the one in which @Pantheist wife releases the mystical brown butter chocolate chip cookie recipe to the starving masses.
@duodec Never gonna happen.
@PolkSaladAnnie
You changed your username. o_O
@mflassy I did. It might happen again.
@Pavlov - the efficacy of your reality altering powers has been called into question by @PolkSaladAnnie . Since I still have no brown butter chocolate chip cookie recipe of the requisite perfection, I posit that her immutable position is in fact the one certainty in the vast macrocosmic all; the only fact whose probability is actually total certainty.
The Arisians once stated that, from sufficient study of a single object or fact, they could visualize the entire reality from which that fact or object had come; their “Visualization of the Cosmic All”. They could do so without getting high, but they were an unusual lot… Sadly it appears our macrocosmic all is based on this single, eternal, unchangeable fact. No brown butter chocolate chip cookies for us…
@duodec If you guys are ever in my neck of the woods, I’ll make you cookies, but that recipe dies with me.
@mflassy changed it from what?
@PolkSaladAnnie
“And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth. " And for the remainder of Time immemorial, the ultimate brown butter chocolate chip cookie passed out of all knowledge.
@Kidsandliz
From madmannequin.
@PolkSaladAnnie Be careful about putting invitations out to this group. Your neck of the woods might end up looking like Salem’s Lot.
"Hi, I’m here for the cookies."
@duodec
Let the universe fucking collapse them. Or start running backwards or sideways. .
What’s the fucking point anyway?
Robert Burns
<Wilde>
The unexamined life is not worth living
(Ancient Greek: ὁ … ἀνεξέταστος βίος οὐ βιωτὸς ἀνθρώπῳ)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_unexamined_life_is_not_worth_living
/giphy "know thyself"
@f00l You really do have the best gifs. Wow.
@OldCatLady
That was just /giphy doing all the work.
But yeah, I liked it.
@f00l ok, the astral escalator is pretty fucking cool.
@f00l wow!!!
If every possible reality exists and the realities are able to interact with each other, shouldn’t it be obvious? Infinite would be a lot of interactions.
@Pantheist
Yeah. A lot.
Hopefully we just have to hang on to -or let go of - our sanity in the smallish portions of “everything” that our puny human minds can perceive and grapple with.
@f00l Sounds like the beginning of a pleasant lovecraftian adventure. I’m in.
@Pantheist
With Lovecraftian cookies?
I’m in, too.
@f00l The best cookies are always crafted with love.
I have no idea who what when where how or why and I have no idea what I have stumbled upon but if this is typical then a) the is the best kept secret place on the internet and b) how is this not on Reddit?
@evr
/giphy are you new
@evr
/giphy What’s a reddit?
@evr Welcome to the Outer Limits
@evr
Stick around.
Only don’t compare us with Reddit.
Our style is more more GoatIt.
/giphy "stick around"
Was this an acute candy corn overdose?
@cranky1950
You have been around more stuff than just some candy corn.
@f00l Now and then.
Well I am sort of lost on this thread so I will post something totally random that I swiped from somewhere or other “Anyone who expects to feel safe in a driverless car has never owned a printer.”. As a result a driverless car will not be a solution to @Pavlov’s problem of getting from point A to point B in any reality he finds himself in.
@Kidsandliz The journey is the all that matters.
@cranky1950
"The @Pavlov doth protest too much, methinks."
@f00l That’s funny - the Mrs. and I watched Kenneth Branagh’s Hamlet (all 4 hours) yesterday.
Whoa.
@f00l
@Pavlov
Ok.
Don’t even pretend you were completely sober.
Be thou Cool with thine Protesting.
All Good.
@Pavlov
I had forgotten that Branagh was so postmodern for that scene.
I like.
But …
@f00l wrote:
I have never been so accused.
@Pavlov
It has its moments tho.
Sobriety.
Never heard if anyone getting decent at math (my kind of math) if they didn’t do math sober, and live pretty sober as well during off times. Light touch needed.
Now once you’re decent at math or whatever … Yeah, get as fucked up as you want. So long as you can find your way back.
I was in grad school in Manhattan during “those years”.
Snow in your face years.
Do it at a sidewalk dinner table on 7th Ave on a busy Sat nite years.
Give the cops a taste too. Tough job. They earned it.
Vit C was never my personal fav. But it ran a real close second. And was easier to recover from. Never liked downers much…
Sometimes there was so much, it felt like you could just step outside and walk down the street and find yourself a little hillock wherever you went.
Been a long time…
I haven’t messed with any of that in forever. So many decades…
Don’t miss it. Do have (somewhat unjustifiable) fond memories.
Double negative much?
I’ve never smoked the mary jane.
/giphy life is grand
I woke up from my 2 night bender of herb, whippits, and simpsons episodes to read this. Thank you very much.
After rewatching the intro to Treehouse of Horror VIII, it was plain to see that ‘fudger’ was used in placed of… well uno.
Sanity crept back in, and I started coming down.
THEN THIS!
Going back to bed and trying this again in the morning.
I’m on drugs. I’m, uh, I mean, you know what it is. What’s the deal, man? I like to get small. It’s a wild, wild drug. Very dangerous for kids though, because they get really small. I know I shouldn’t get small when I’m drivin’, but, uh, I was drivin’ around the other day, you know [whistles tunefully] and a cop pulls me over. And he goes, ‘Hey, are you small?’ I said, ‘No, I’m tall, I’m tall.’ He said, ‘Well, I’m gonna have to measure you.’ They’ve got a little test they give you; it’s a balloon, and if you can get inside of it, they know… you’re small. And they can’t put you in a regular cell either, because you walk right out
@sanspoint Thread won.