I am getting married in 2 weeks and bachelor party this weekend...any advice?
10So I have been dating my fiance for 8 years (since high school) and engaged 3 years, finally taking the marriage plunge in 2 weeks.
I am honestly the first of my friends to get married and that is why I am reaching out to the meh (married) community for any advice, regrets, comments, anything!
Anything to remember for the day, during the day, or to keep a happy long marriage could possibly help.
- 26 comments, 16 replies
- Comment
Congratulations! Alas, I have no suggestions, though I hope that many others here do.
BE INVOLVED in the the bachelor party planning, but make your best man do the work. I LOVED my bachelor party. Made it clear I wasn’t int’d in going to a strip club. We rented a limo bus, went to a whiskey bar (Aero Club), then went to another bar downtown. Then another bar (maybe?), THEN for dinner at Rei Do Gado (Brazilian Steakhouse). It was awesome. Afterwards we took the bus back to my friend’s house and hung out there drunk, full, and happy until we uber/taxi’d home. A good day.
Some rules:
So much trouble can be avoided by following those three rules…
Have fun!
Simple is better. Been involved with both the big 3 days, 2 nights in 2 cities big group ones and then the much simpler close friends go out for a fun night in your closest city kind; and the smaller ones are always better. The big event ones sound good until the inevitable drama begins very quickly and it train wrecks. Keep it to a small group of close friends and go out to do the things you like to do and not fall into the traps of “what a bachelor party is supposed to be.” Doing that will ensure you go out and have a fun night rather then it turning into either a letdown or nightmare.
Went to one similar to @DaveinSoCal:
Rented 1 limo (w/driver), 8 guests. Also had a minivan w/ designated driver + another 7 guests. Went to SpeedZone for go karts, lazer tag & other arcade games. Then went to dinner @ a steakhouse (not Brazilian, but we wanted to keep our hair so it was good). Next sampled beers @ craft brewery, went to some dance club (I remember heckling the mediocre DJ and not much else), and finally crashed at host’s house.
Safe, entertaining, camaraderie, & plenty of drinking!
The only hard part was rounding up everyone for the rides to the next stop - can’t leave anyone behind
/giphy can’t leave anyone behind
@compunaut Go karts is something I wanted but definitely not happening. We have “f1 racing go karts” around me ive never tried. Going to have to another time…
@compunaut Starred for explanation of Brazilian steakhouses.
@djslack It has been years but Yolies in Las Vegas was this way: you came and paid a fixed dinner price per guest (drinks were probably extra, I remember wines and beers being available, I didn’t pay that night). Salad first then they start bringing out large sword-like rottisserie skewers with hunks of beef (and other meats at Yolies) that are cooked over open flames (visible from the dining area) and carve off appropriate hunks or slices onto everyone’s plate. Its a bit of a production.
There are quite a few different cuts of meat, with different spices/prepping and you get at least one serving of each type. Once done, the all you can eat places will bring out requested skewers again for second and more helpings.
It was an amazing meal.
@duodec Oh yeah, I’ve never been to one but someday it will happen.
But I still like @compunaut’s description
Edit: regarding the bachelor party stuff
@medz where is this from?
@naropa Get Him to the Greek, I think. Stellar flick.
I congratulate you and and wish you the very best!!!
But… Keep a place on the mantle open - it just happens unfortunately
Tips for the bachelor party:
Be semi involved in the planning or you might get stuck at a country bar when you hate country music. (Insert random music of your choice)
Tips for the wedding:
Take a break between the ceremony and the reception to have a few minutes to just bask in the just married glow.
Tips for a long marriage from someone who is no longer married:
Tell your spouse you love them, often.
Keep going on dates with them.
Kiss them like it’s the last time you’ll ever see them.
Don’t cheat.
@RiotDemon The middle is actually great advice ive heard before. That’s the main reason for the post, someone gave me that advice and it makes so much sense but something I doubt I would have done… I am going to try to remember to relax and just watch wedding for a bit and remember all the people are there for us and how great that is
@bruinscbr some of my favorite wedding photos were in between… Unfortunately we didn’t give ourselves more time so the reception ended up feeling rushed. If I ever get married again, that would be a definite change.
Congratulations!
I agree with @Raider.
I didn’t really know what I wanted to do for my bachelor party since our wedding predates my involvement with the internet, and I, too, was the first of my friends to be wed. We ended up camping in Jim Thorpe, PA - a few hours from where I live. Plenty of fun around a campfire, and hiking waterfalls the following day was sublime.
I’ve since been to a few more “traditional” bachelor parties, and I’m glad I did something different. But I would reiterate that your BM/groomsmen should know you well enough to decide what’s your thing (with maybe a few suggestions).
Have Fun & Best Wishes
The bachelor party was somewhat out of my hand. I know for a fact it is really slapped together and nothing extreme. No strippers, drugs, etc. Me and my fiance had sort of an unwritten no stripper rule. It should be pretty relaxed I think…
For the bach party and wedding, just relax and have fun. For the marriage, good relationships – including with yourself, your spouse, and your kids (if that’s part of your future) – are all about honesty and intimate communication. Prioritize them in the order listed. For the latter two, listen, be flexible, and choose your battles carefully. Give your partner and your family the most precious thing in the world…your time.
It’s a good excuse to participate in some bacchanalian revelry, if that’s your thing and are among drinkers. Be sure someone who can handle responsibility is designated as the sober one, even if you’re mostly walking, and that doesn’t have to be the best man. Don’t do anything that will get you arrested. Set very clear points of things you would like to do and what you don’t want to happen. It’s also not a bad reason to just have a mini-vacation with your friends.
There are times when you will upset each other. It’s ok to get mad at your partner. Keep communicating and work through your difficulties. Don’t stop being romantic. Remind your lover of why you love them so much regularly. Taking care of yourself is an important part of all your relationships including your marriage.
Drink, party, do something stupid, etc etc etc. But dont forget the most important bit: Have fun.
Do something you like for the bachelor party. Don’t go crazy unless you roll that way. For mine we played golf, went to Dave & Busters, ate, drank beer and had fun. A little advice for the long term, buy a home in a great school district. You’ll have to do it eventually anyway. It’s one of the most important decisions that I never considered when we first got married.
@ugadogch I generally like your advice, but do want to add:
Sometimes it’s really hard to afford a nice place in a great school district. Thinking like you, we ended up with a cramped, mediocre house then for reasons didn’t have kids for many years. By then, a job change forced a relocation anyway.
My advice: Buy a home you really like & can afford. School district isn’t so important until you have kids; sometimes you can’t, and sometimes kids need specialized school. Remember: parents are the most important part of the education system, not schools.
@ugadogch Yeah we actually bought a house in a rather bad school district. We plan to move to a good district when we have kids but for now we are saving a whole boat load of money on taxes.
@compunaut Unfortunately I learned about this the hard way. We lost a lot of money when we sold our first house and it was because of the school district that we built in. It does not matter if you ever have kids or not. That’s just my two cents.
@ugadogch Ah, understood. Perhaps our experiences simply reflect the difference between building new vs. buying existing home. In our case, there was virtually no vacant property in that urban-ish district to build on. Bottom line: we couldn’t really afford to live there in a place we were comfortable
Here’s some thought on the Bachelor party…
Everyone has to turn in their cel phone to the limo driver before you go anywhere…
Friend’s brother had bachelor party.
They golfed and did the bachelor regular stuff
The advice he gave was “do not let the stripper step on your ball”.
I was afraid to ask why he brought the golf balls to the strip club.
So my advice to you is bring your golf balls.
I wish that @pavlov was here to lay down some
/giphy sage wisdom
Also, I am getting married in March 2017. Similar history with the fiance. I think that camping sounds awesome.
@connorbush - From @Pavlov via my nightly 2:00AM call (8:00AM in London):
(And I’m doing this from memory, so forgive me if I paraphrase slightly)
“Tell @connorbush congratulations, and I’m sorry - and March 2017 still gives her plenty of time to wise the fuck up - so he’d better stay on his game. As for my advice on bachelor parties, tell him I said it is simple - don’t do anything you wouldn’t normally otherwise do, and therein you’ll find happiness and make long lasting memories.”
Now, @Pavlov would probably screw a snake if I held it’s mouth open wide enough, so I didn’t press him for details on his bachelor party before we were married - however - I was one of the dancers hired by his brothers for his bachelor party before he married his first wife. True story. So there’s that. Yeah, @Pavlov’s friends and family have all seen me naked. But I got their dollars and they couldn’t touch!
SUCKERS!!
Good luck!
@MrsPavlov
Reading this feels good. It feels like I am narrating my own life from an omniscient perspective. It feels like:
Thank you.
I’ve only been married for four years, but I’ve started to learn some shit. Don’t lie, do your share, don’t forget you’re each unique individuals with your own opinions that have fallen love with each other.
Actually, you can lie. But don’t tell THOSE lies, you know what I mean?
But seriously, have fun, enjoy, but just enough so that you can remember it. I had a little too much fun at mine. Thankfully camera phones weren’t a thing back then.
Beware of photos taken and avoid STDs.
Don’t do anything that might make your wife-to-be consider calling off the wedding. This doesn’t mean she has to approve of it (for example, I get growled at for smoking cigars, but I am allowed if I want). It should be about having fun with your friends, not pushing the envelope. Best way to have fun is to do stuff that you already know is fun.
Having said that, I agree heartily with @DaveinSoCal and @Raider (Hi! Raider!).
http://pca.st/lDR2
this is a podcast from This American Life. the first few minutes are funny and insightful on what you are about to be getting into
(marriage, not wedding or bachelor party)
the bach party and wedding are for a day, the marriage is hopefully much longer, but it takes work, it’s nothing like a disney movie
have fun, enjoy the day, best of luck!
the bachelor party??? she knows you, loves you, wants to marry you… don’t do anything you would be ashamed of to tell your wife to be… have fun WITH your new wife on this wedding day!!! don’t worry so much about other folks…Both of you, don’t be so damn bossy of each other!!! happens after you’re married… fight that urge… wishing you a loving and successful marriage…
2 days before your BP, call the four best hookers you can find expect to pay at least 6k. At least one state away, getet your brains blown out. This is the important part, tell no one, I mean no one. Use protection, get as stoned as humanly possible.
Then go to your bachelor party tell the entire wedding party that you are planning and paying for the whole thing. Then take them vita limo to the nearest old Catholic church. Go to confession and get yourself photographed by a professional attending the stations of the cross. Then ask your fiance to sign a pre nup. Unless of course she has a job. Best of luck !
Bachlor party the goal is fun with your friends. Don’t ask for or let the best man plan something way out of the budget of people you would want to attend. Ie if friends all broke expected vegas !nd hotel rooms and wild night can be several hundred dollars they dont have and it is more fun to have the whole group then to have people not attend or to bebfiscal stressed about attending
Take your wife on a nice date instead, do something to be remembered.
Your friends will understand and your wife will appreciate that you took the time to spend with her to relax before the “big day” to wind down as it’s so stressful.
You’ll have other times to spend with your friends.
Update: Bachelor party was this last weekend. Was terrible, went a casino and nothing was planned just “gambling and drinking”. We went for 2 days, it was so pointless I called it after 1 day and we went home a night early… Well I guess thats better than anything real crazy happening that I would regret!
@bruinscbr Sorry to hear it was so disappointing. Hope the wedding is more memorable, and that you have a long and happy marriage.