Generate ridiculous lyrics and fanfiction with me
11If you’ve been following along, I really like procedurally generated crap. This website let’s you input a string of words, and then OpenAI will figure out what the rest should be based off of 8 million web pages.
You can write your own movie script! (bolded words were my prompt)
Darth Vader: Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.
Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Vader: The Emperor killed my father! You killed Darth Vader!
Greedo: I am Luke Skywalker, son of a Sith Lord.
Luke: I said, don’t lie to me! You’ll tell a lie that will be hard to take, and I’ll keep telling it.
Greedo: The Sith died for me, and Vader died for me!
Luke: That doesn’t seem fair. I didn’t kill you.
A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his dog.
I asked the census clerk to tell me that he had seen another person eat a person and so have been able to predict that person’s identity even though, if the second person hadn’t eaten the human, they couldn’t tell them it was him.
The census taker thought I was crazy, but the clerk told me that I was quite accurate. The person didn’t recognize the census clerk, and only recognized the dog I ate.
Or song lyrics!
Stop! Collaborate and listen. Ice is back with a brand new iced smoothie recipe!
The recipe comes from the ice cube mix that Ice Cold Ice Cream gave me (it looks so cool to me) and I’m actually starting to wonder why anyone wants to keep it. My mother was talking to my younger sister and her husband when she said, “I know why you guys put ice in everything so much. We make that every day!”
For the whole recipe I used three ice cubes of Icy Hot, two of it is the lemon juice mix and the other is a heavy cream ice cube mix.
Just a small town girl, living in a dirt-poor neighborhood where everyone is drug addicted and everyone has a little grudge. At home, she wears bright pink dress, pink high heels, pink perfume, pink lip gloss and pink panties. She also likes to wear pink shoes, as they are very comfortable.
oompa loompa doopity doo, I’ve got another ilegal-looking cock, which is just as awesome. C’mon, c’mon
Or uncover the deepest darkest secrets of Meh.com:
Our website is meh.com, where we are just trying to get a hold of your information. Please fill in your email address and we will send your confirmation email to the email you enter here, which you should click through to complete the confirmation process. If you get a reply within ten minutes, I should be able to contact you ASAP.
Tonight’s meh.com product will be more of the same. There’s no way I’m spending my time with these things, but there’s a lot of new and interesting potential to explore.
Check it out and post what you come up with! Or else! https://talktotransformer.com/
- 50 comments, 21 replies
- Comment
Dogs aren’t very good pets. Cats are far superior according to the experts. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that they’re the most popular pet breeds in the U.S., but it does make me wonder how many of those dogs are suffering from a mental health problem. It could be bad dogs, bad behavior, or stress.
Mental Illness, Dogs
Dr. Thomas Kullmann is an epidemiologist at the Harvard Medical School and a noted author on dogs and mental illness. He specializes in canine psychology, especially behavioral disorders. His book on mental illness in dogs is called, in my opinion, The Dog Book . He says, “What is really at stake is not money – as much money as people have on offer in the pet industry. What is at stake is moral.”
I can understand what you’re saying, even if you’re skeptical. However, I would also ask you to think about how you’d judge a dog’s mental health. I know dogs
Why did the chicken cross the road? To test whether the driver of the bus was behind the animal, or to determine whether there was at this point a dog on the other side of the road.
The answer: the road was completely empty, with the only exception being a chicken’s feet.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
No, we just had a knock on the door, so we just knocked on your door.
I see, why don’t I knock on your door?
I’m sorry, but I don’t have a key to your house, so I don’t have to open it.
I see, why don’t we get our stuff together?
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
A black female in her twenties wearing leather leggings.
“Hey, can I talk to your friend?”
I see her walk away. The young white lady in the dark leggings walks back over.
Who’s there?
The young white girl in the blue leggings.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
I dunno, but it probably will be my friend.
Put that bacon in the pan.
You know I ain’t be no salad man.
Maybe later you can touch my feet.
Now bob your head to this squelchy beat.
I got the smell like the smelly, foul smell of my old,
Flaming-Camel-Eate-Sauced-Meat-Fresca-Vest-Hairy-Pit.
I got the smell like the smelly, foul smell of my old,
The pungent smell of my old,
Flaming-Camel-Eate-Sauced-Meat-Fresca-Vest-Hairy-Pit.
I got the smell like the smelly, foul smell of my old,
The pungent smell of my old,
Flaming-Camel-Eate-Sauced-Meat-Fresca-Vest-Hairy-Pit
And now I see you ain’t a salad man,
Or are you just gonna be the salad man?
I’ll say. “Not at all”.
Well I ain’t ever been a salad man.
I’ll say. “Not at all”.
Well I ain’t ever been a salad man.
I’ll say. “Not at all”.
Well…I’ve been a salad man
For a thousand years.
I got the smelly, foul smell and my old.
Maybe later you can touch my feet.
Now bob your
@medz I thought you were starting off with some lyrics to Yakety Yak that I didn’t remember, but then it took a weird turn.
Once upon a time, a princess named Snow White lived in a castle with her father, the King, and her stepmother, the Queen.
They loved each other, loved each other very much. In fact, she loved them more than she even knew she loved them. For one, they all knew how to throw pies and she loved them. She loved how they made pie crusts, how she could cook them in whatever she wanted, and how they baked her favorite cake with strawberries and whipped cream and cookies.
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. They taught her to dance in the shower while they ate pies as if she weren’t already dancing, they taught her how to read a magic book just so she couldn’t read them all!
It must have taken a lot of hours to read “In the Magic Kingdom” and “Muffin” while she ate pies.
For sale: baby shoes, never worn. I used to wear these shoes in college to test the safety of my baby seat. The shoe felt as though it was holding my baby on, but there was still the risk of someone slipping and being crushed. Even my own parents, we never wore these shoes in any way to keep our baby with us on transport. I think everyone should use the same shoe sizes as long as they stay within a comfortable fit. This is one point that was missed, and you see, while the shoes are great… They do not make an optimal transportation system for newborns.
Sale prices: $500, $200, $100
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me,
But I’m thinking I ain’t gonna roll
I’m sitting on a pile of rock and I said “F**k ya”
@dave This is my favorite.
a priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar
and are served wine by a woman serving coffee and cake.
And another man, who has a beard begins drinking and then the priest, rabbi, and minister realize they’re getting high at the same time and decide their drink is too strong.
(With a few drinks left) they decide to go home. The pastor is pissed off.
They return to the bar they’re at and tell the bartender that they drank too much and he makes dinner for everyone and the priest, rabbi, and minister thank him for his cooking.
You’ve got your ball you’ve got your chain to take in. I’ve got my chains you’ve got yours - it’s a great game." - John Wooden, 1966, Final Four
In the end, it is hard not to understand that LeBron James is not a player. He is a player’s dream; he’s an object of desire, and a player’s dream comes true if the dream fulfills the player. I’m certain, as you have undoubtedly read, that LeBron wants it so badly that his dream will never come true.
The truth is, the dream doesn’t require one big, hard, and scary monster. LeBron and his cohorts will never give up, and we’ll always hope our dream comes true. It does not matter if your dream comes true. As long as at least 40 percent of what they have achieved is for other people’s good, and you can say with me that, at least in these parts of the world, our dream does happen:
Wes “Wilt” Chamberlain: No one believes they’re going to get to
We came, we saw, we kicked it’s ASS!!! ~Matt Damon (Gone Girl)
The world had changed. The past had left behind me. I was a dead man walking. The world had changed around me. My friends and family were gone. I was left to myself. I fell. I cried.
I felt lost. The world had changed all the worse for me, my family, my friends, etc.
I didn’t know what to believe or how to cope. I felt lost. At first what I felt wasn’t real because the world didn’t exist. What felt real to me was being an old man walking and what I saw and thought were all different colors. There were a few scenes in The Wrestler that felt “real” for a moment, but after a while it became less and less real for me. I would remember these scenes for years to come.
The truth was I wasn’t losing to Damon. The only person I knew that “belonged” to Damon was his family, his friends, and his
Whoa things just got real deep:
It was a dark and stormy night.
The two men began to walk home.
The man walked past a barbed wire fences that stood out against the white of the night, and soon they were gone, like the footsteps of the moon itself.
All this happened, more or less.
This particular story will probably never come up again in my writing, not when the writing will be finished. A few months before I died, a guy at SBAI said to me, “You said something that I don’t think you necessarily believed in - that you weren’t so sure why you started writing.” I was stunned. It was the first time someone had said to me, “I think you’re right.”
If you have ever been with someone who wants to read about life and to feel good about who they are then it doesn’t hurt to ask, what is it that has kept you from becoming a writer? If you think about it, it’s the most important point anyone wants to think about; and the reason why it is most important: knowing that you are capable of being proud and knowing that your self-worth is on the line with the rest of a person’s. So then I think it’s
As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into an enormous insect.
To find a way out of this labyrinth, Samsa had formed the Lizardmen army. For this army, his task would be to steal the secret of the Lizard Man army and defeat them. However, he had a little surprise for Gregor in this journey. Though Samsa had a desire to reach out to Gregor and tell him the secret, his plans were disrupted by Gregor. When Samsa came across the Lizard People’s leader, Zorn the Elder (called Yngir), the two became friends. The other Lizardmen found out their enemy by chance and went after Zorn, who led them directly to one of their headquarters. After taking it over for long enough, the Lizardmen were ready for the confrontation with the Lizard King and the rest of the Lizardmen forces. However, in the end, Z
@rockblossom
This is perfect and I love it so much.
@Moose …and much less depressing than the Kafka version!
weird…
I don’t remember Limericks being this dark:
There once was a man from Nantucket,
His wife was an angel, and she had four children,
They were all blessed: an angel, two horses,
but their youngest one, a baby girl, who died,
They gave the child to a woman named Soren,
and she gave the baby to two of her brothers.
Soren, too, died, and his sisters buried him in a grave.
Have you seen “You Can’t Take My Door”?
https://laughingsquid.com/country-song-created-by-neural-network/
And / giphy is broken
This is my favorite one so far:
Skeletons! This was a surprise. I’ve seen them at my daughter’s birthday parties. The new ones are so different than the old ones. The old ones were huge and full-boned. The new ones are small, with one big claw on the top half of the face and the front half of the body.
I like them a hundred percent. I love the fact that they have little feet instead of arms. And if I look carefully, these skeletons are shaped like a claw - the same one that you see in the movies of Dr. Claw (not my favorite).
I love the claw-like bones, and the fact that they’ve got very little space between them. These skeletons are actually pretty big, so a lot of bones need to be filled with blood to make a big claw look really huge. I can’t believe I live in Michigan and they’re still alive. I have to find the claw bone, so I’ll continue to search. Also, the claws are not just for hunting though.
From the beginning of my favorite Rush song, Manhattan Project:
Imagine a time, when it all began to fall apart and when many people were angry because of this? The future seemed to be dim and dark, but it still looked bright because I was still in bed with the doctors after the surgery. Maybe you might agree with me. When I woke up in the operating room, my hands were shaking, my vision blurred and I was having a panic attack every few minutes. My mom and I were in the recovery room, and I tried the greatest trick in the book: just keep asking questions.
“Why did you do this?” I asked myself. “What did you think would happen to you if you were to do it again?”
My mother told me to shut up for a second and listen. I thought to myself, I’m not even going to try to understand what happened to you. “What do I owe you?” I asked myself.
After the operation, my vision became blurrier and blurrier, and I was having nightmares. In the hospital, I didn’t even remember to close my eyes.
Awesome. The best.
What about the real ones! That’s a lot of junk!
Yeah, that’s a little bit. (And as a fun thought experiment for today, which is about the only good thing about The Book Club). If you had that library with you, what kind of books would you have for people? I could go on for hours…
For now, I just want to thank you for coming to see me, and we hope you have many more fun adventures with us.
As I stated before, I will continue to read new books. At the moment, I’m working on a series called “Mysteries of the Universe”. One of them will be science fiction, or maybe some of it.
But that’s next week! Until then, good luck!
Oh - and thank you for reading!
Fuck Meh.
You don’t really know the history of this company, do you? It makes me want to punch you in the face. If you’re not a customer, you’re an asshole.
@llangley that’ll teach you to talk shit
I’m wasting sooo much time on this fucking shit. But it’s so much fun…
Completion
I can’t drive 55.
I can, but I can’t drive 55!
It was just so hard to talk to some of the guys in there with me. I don’t really know why they were yelling at me at that point, but I just kind of stopped answering.
I’m in a different part of the building from them.
And yeah, they were yelling so much that I just kind of got away from them and went to a couple of the different doors and talked to the people.
But what they were yelling was that I was a thief. That I was a cheater.
And then when this gentleman came up to me and gave me his picture, I said, 'Thank you very much.
It’s so nice to talk to you guys.’ He went back a short ways and got arrested for having marijuana.
Well, that was quite a day for me as well. As I’m sure is for most of your community. Well, that was quite a day for me as well. As I’m sure is for most of your community.
My whole life has been like this.
remember when woot was in the dumps because he wanted money for an app and all that bullshit) the same kind of dumb fuck I am.
This next one sounds like a storyboard for a sitcom
@Moose I would have to agree with this:
“But a bear with a gun is much more dangerous because of the fear factor involved.”
Just… wow.
Four score and seven years ago, he was fired from his job at the University of Maryland after making a video documenting sexual advances toward the student he was taking classes with.
In the video, uploaded to YouTube, a person calling themselves Kiley said she could “get out” from under Obama. She then told him to “fuck me.”
“I’ll show you what you mean for sure if you fucking show me the way to the building that your pussy’s on. Because you’ve gotta show me it,” she said.
The woman added that if Obama “can’t show you to the buildings” and has only her vagina “out,” then he should “get out” from the presidency.
“There are no better places for him than this,” the video’s caption said. “That’s why he was elected president.”
Obama was a guest at the dinner on Wednesday, hosted by comedian Steve Harvey—the White House Correspondent for CNN and host of the television show, “The Steve Harvey Show,” that airs on Fox News
I love purple
because I love purple. They’re easy, and convenient and quick and they don’t cause trouble. They don’t come apart. No more worrying about what was inside—it’s gone." (pg. 16) This isn’t to say that Purple was inherently bad for you; just like everything else in her life, it was bad. As she put it in Love It or Leave It :
What we have here is a failure to communicate. Some men you just can’t make understand.
I’ve heard women talk about being ‘emotionally numb’ when they do anything in certain ways. What do you mean ‘emotionally numb’? How do you tell when you’ve been ‘emotionally numb’? Is it really that difficult?
There’s a big difference between what you are and what you are not. If you take a step back and look at anything of importance, what makes sense for you or your loved one, what does that say about it? A lot of emotions are triggered by very mundane things.
But when people are not listening to feelings or telling you what to do, what makes sense for you or your loved one? Are you the guy that, one day, you’re angry enough at your family that you can’t concentrate on just one thing and you’re going to get angry again in no time, and you’re going to make another mess and you
When I prompted it with just “what we have here is a failure to” I couldn’t get it to not go on a rant about Trump.
I wish I was a little bit taller.
I wish I was a baller.
I wish I had a pet peeve
But I don’t.
“Now you’re gonna be happy to sit in front of a wall with me.”
Totally.
She was the most charming person I have ever worked with, and even though she had a lot of challenges in her life, she was someone I never felt I could let alone forget.
“You’re so beautiful. I always had a feeling just how cute you were.”
“You know I’m not an actress, but I know you like to be sexy.”
“Well then, I guess this will be a dream come true!”
I wonder what this would be like if it existed more than three years ago…
Welcome to the jungle. We’ve got fun and games. We’ve got everything you want, and more." At the end of his speech, however, he got into a heated discussion with a group of students—a few students were wearing T-shirts that read “Toughen Our Way Up to The Jungle and Make Our Culture Great Again,” and several students had posters they intended to hang up. When he said it was his responsibility to help them get out of the jungle, a woman of about 13, and many of whom she didn’t recognize, burst out, “Please keep your politics out of that!” Her boyfriend also joined in. “I don’t know what you’re talking about! I’m not a neo-Nazi!” But when she began referring to his political opponents and even her own father as “woke people,” the entire room burst into laughter. “They’re just doing this to annoy those people, to embarrass them, to get them to come look at us,” a young lady who was wearing her own
Then again, some gems can only come out of the modern era:
Welcome to the jungle. We’ve got fun and games. We’ve got everything you want, and lots to eat. Come and celebrate the end of Season 1.
If you want to help us get our Season 1 content ready, come along to our jungle booth at 8am PT/10am BST and sign in with your Steam account (as many as you like). There you will enter the season by entering a Season Pass or redeeming any of Season Preview’s Season Pass bundles of 4 or more. In addition, we’ll put all 3 seasons in a single place for you when players come back.
You can also watch us on Twitch.tv/TheDangerZone (also known as twitch.tv/DangerZone), as we do all our content live at home for FREE (or you can watch with no internet connection and pay for a premium connection if you prefer).
Join your friends and chat with us and you’ll find everything you’re looking for in Season 1 of The Jungle - everything!
Completion
I have a friend who is a pool toy wolf!
She came up with this amazing way to keep you from getting pooped in to the pool. It’s really simple and super easy to make. First, place your wolf in the bottom of a bucket, making sure that the back is out. Then fill it up with a little bit of warm water until it’s about 2 inches deep. Lay another little piece of warm water on top of the bottom of the bucket and secure it with zip ties. Put the zip tie in. Next you want to place the ball that just came out of the water on top of it. This piece is called the ball joint and is the most vulnerable area of the wolf’s hide. This prevents poop from getting into the area and makes sure you don’t accidentally poo on the ball joint. Now put a piece of plastic tape (you don’t want to get it wet but it’ll be there when you get it off.) on top of the ball joint…
BWAHAHAHA
@llangley I feel like I am more confused about wolf anatomy than I previously believed. But the ball joint being the most vulnerable area of the wolf’s hide I already knew to be true of both man and wolfman, so I guess it carries over.
/giphy wolfman’s got nards
Also, I have now wasted a whole package of zip ties trying to secure the warm water. I think it might be missing something, and my wolf may become pooped
@djslack agreed. Let’s bring in the expert! @pooltoywolf
@djslack @PooltoyWolf I can’t stop…
Completion
I have a friend who is a pool toy wolf!
It’s called an “alive animal” and is a little blue-eyed little guy! He lives in the mountains of northern Pennsylvania and you’ll never guess who he’s the most famous person from PA. His name is Peter! He’s always smiling, singing, laughing. I can tell you from experience that he’s got good social skills and is very good at talking! I like to say he’s the “Penny-pinchy Wolf”! He’s a bit on the shy side in person and doesn’t like to make trouble, but I know he’s a really helpful dog. He’s a big dog and is very strong, so he likes to go up and down and up and down! I also know that he has a great personality! He’s a wonderful member of the family! He’s really friendly even at a young age, when he’s just learning to walk. He’s got very smart eyes, too. I think people sometimes get a little excited when talking about him…
@djslack @llangley What have I gotten myself into?
@llangley for the rest of the day I am going to concentrate very hard on not accidentally pooing on the ball joint.
@djslack @pooltoywolf maybe these are the missing instructions?
Completion
I have a friend named pool toy wolf!
You might have noticed that he has a tail. Maybe you’ll want to try your hand at it and see if you can get it to hang in the air without bouncing back and forth.
Place two cotton balls near the toy.
Put a few of the cotton balls toward them and turn each.
Place another ball about 2-3 times back and forth about 2 inches from the first. This will make sure that the new ball will always go into position.
Now that you’ve got a pattern of where the ball will go to, make a hole right on top in the middle – just a tiny bit too small. I found that one of my favorite places to mark the hole was below the ball, about 2 inches behind the ball that I can see. Take a piece of duct tape and mark that spot. Now, hold the ball over it so that it sits in place. Now you’ve done all 4 pieces.
Now start adding more ball to the hole…
@djslack @llangley Gave me a chuckle. XD
@Dave any chance you might hire Transformer for a product write-up?
This 4-pack of flashlight glowsticks will change your life. For the price you can buy just a few, which makes the cost of this kit and the glowsticks quite affordable. There is an 8-minute time limit to complete the sequence and the flashlights are rechargeable and can be used for many hours with little or no effort in a dimly lit home or office. These are an extremely reliable product and can work with any flashlight and this is why most flashlight glowsticks I own are rechargeable. The battery on the 4-pack is removable and there is a handy switch allowing you to control the amount of glow power in your light. I love the way it lightens my apartment and I can see myself using more of this glowstick for my lights in the years to come.
Thinking about the Ghostek NRGCamper 60L Solar Charging Backpack? Make sure you know this one simple trick! We can’t recommend it enough!
With the success of your Backpack and your RV, make sure you stay in shape and remember our FREE Backpack Guide!
In case you missed it, our FREE Backpack Guide will help you create a better RV and Backpack experience. Download The FREE PDF Here!
When the dust cleared from the Great Western Wilderness and our Backpack Campers left Colorado Springs, we went to some of our customers in the back of the RV for another check up. We noticed some problems. On one of their side panels, there seemed to be an issue with the plug-in battery charging battery power. With time, the problem would wear out, and they needed it replaced.
At that same time, the owner had a friend at the RV, who was working at Home Depot, do a complete cleaning at that time. They left some of his cleaning supplies inside the RV to
I swear this thing has written about half the internet.
Thinking about the Ghostek NRGCamper 60L Solar Charging Backpack? Make sure you know this one simple trick!
A lot like a light pack or backpacking pack, a solar charger can be used to recharge your phone or laptop quickly.
A good way to find out about these portable chargers is to check out SolarGator’s page about the NRGCamper and how to find them all.
Here are a few reasons why you might be curious or maybe even ask if you can get one of these devices for yourself to use.
You can also consider buying a portable charger for the purpose of charging your laptops, desktop computer, tablet or phone. If you don’t know that this is possible you should do some research.
The NRGCamper 60L Solar Charging Backpack SolarPack from the company I mentioned at the beginning of the article is an affordable, portable charging backpack that you’ll probably find on the shelves of any electronics store! This backpack provides you with a convenient place to
Completion
Instant Regret Kit
A simple and effective way of storing what you regret about your life and the more times that you try to move past it.
Beware the ‘recovery’
It contains two capsules containing four capsules in each. One capsule contains the liquid you consumed in the morning but in the evening you have to take a third capsule that contains your alcohol, caffeine and nicotine.
What to look out for
The liquid will start to be slightly acidic as this is after the liquid has been taken long enough
You will be aware of this as it will be somewhat stronger than the caffeine in the pill
If you get the alcohol capsule your drinking is stopped
The caffeine is absorbed within 60 seconds of the drinker taking the caffeine
The nicotine is absorbed within 1.8 minutes, the second pill will be for the next morning
Do not take more than these two capsules per day
you take the good, you take the bad, you take them all, and there you have the whole world," as he puts it, “I’m looking for an ideal that’s different from what we have now. I think we need a new world to live in.”
He doesn’t use those words all that often — though he is frequently mentioned in them — because no one else in the world, for better or worse, is that way. As the world around us is changing, the things that have made sense before are being challenged increasingly. What you don’t understand about him is how he got from the life of his son and the world that he lived to the world he has decided he wants to lead, a world that would create a much more just, compassionate, and equal world. He may not have changed your life, but he’s changed mine.
This is addictive.
Hey now, is it your turn to look down your nose?"
“No sir.”
Linda giggled while her breasts began to bounce up and down like she wanted to play with them. She looked at him through her lashes and said, “My boobs are too big, so I really need a bra.”
“Is there a doctor near?”
"I don’t know, but I’d guess he’s a few blocks away.
Linda took his hand and led him to a medical doctor in the middle of town. There he picked up a patient and said, “He’s had an abortion and I’ve seen that the doctor said the baby might still have a brain stem but will not survive.”
“What about that?”
“Well, I think we need a checkup now but it might not take a doctor long to figure out this patient needs to have more surgery to get him back.”
“What about that?”
“I hope so. I’ll talk to him soon.”
"Okay. I’ll walk you down to the doctor when I know more about this
you’re an all-star
Robocop leaned over and whispered into the Terminator’s ear “How is that feel?”
He knew.
“How’s the last run?” the Terminator asked in a strange voice “No worries the fight was great.”
“You had me fooled,” the Terminator commented as he raised his hand.
“It was good,” the Cybernetic hero replied as he gave the other two a hug.
“Nice to have you around. I will be right back.”
The Predator put away his shoulder-mounted gun. "Governor, I didn’t realize it was you. I thought you were a xenomorph."
The Governor gave him a sly smile and a glare, as if he was mad at them. “I’m in charge. We don’t have room for anything outside of you. Asking me to leave, and giving in to your demands, I’m afraid, will only make us less efficient, less effective.”
The Predator smirked. A subtle change as his body, while still reptilian, seemed more human. “I’m in your league. I can deal.”
“But the planet we live on is not a home or a family. Our children are your children and your children. And these children are your allies. Those that we protect. We will never surrender them.”
“I have not the faintest clue what you mean.”
I’m pretty sure you can’t do this even with consent:
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“A Tasty Way to Do It”, an excerpt from “Fifty Spoons of Breakfast”
"So it’s come to this," Wilford Brimley said to Captain Crunch. “I would like to take off my costume to go and have a little time with you while I think about how I want you to react to this.”
Captain Crunch looked slightly annoyed at the implication that his new form of punishment was cruel. “I’m sorry, Captain. I’ll keep my promise.”
“We can work something out though,” Wilford Brimley offered.
Captain Crunch sighed and reached to pat his forehead. “Why do you need to do this?”
Wilford Brimley frowned. “So why do you want my hand.”
“Because you are my master. You have a right to give me one free hand.”
Wilford paused for several moments. “It’s just that you just haven’t kept that promise.”
Captain Crunch looked a little confused at this new revelation, even though he didn’t speak. “How did you know I kept it clear about this?”
Wilford Brimley smiled. “I’ll tell you when I get a chance.”
"Whatchu talkin’ 'bout, Willis?"
“M-mean… m-measurement…”
“…is what?”
“A new measurement method… which we were able to implement. It’s called ‘Quantum Fielding’.”
“…So you’re sayin’ that it can ‘t measure’ the dimensions of time?”
He held up his right hand for emphasis.
“Yeah. As I’m saying, the quantum fielding that can’t measure our current state can’t measure… our original state.”
I couldn’t believe it.
I mean… it was true.
That this was just some theoretical construct that was based on a mistake. I couldn’t explain it without getting into a state of intense mental argument and self-hatred.
But, it’s true! Quantum Fielding can ‘t measure’ time!
That was how important it was to make the theory work properly. To make time travel possible, we needed to make it work properly! We needed to make sure that everything we knew was right and accurate
"Whatchu talkin’ 'bout, Willis?"
The question was about an upcoming meeting with the Mayor of Detroit.
“Don’t you listen to what I’m saying, Willis?”
“What ya talking about, Chief,” The Chief said. “I’ve got work. I’ve got to get that paperwork cleared up here.”
"Oh, I know what ya talkin’/I’ve been working to do for three days. I think I hit on two more that came out of some files.
“I want ya’ to get that shit right so I can see the papers.”
The Chief put his hand on her shoulder.
“You know, I’m sure the Mayor would want you to give his ass some time to take things back to the office at the police precinct.”
She stared at him, unable to take the Chief in.
"This isn’t an empty threat. I swear to God I’ll do whatever I’ve got to do to make sure this stuff gets put on the papers. But if it ain’t got to go in my
Completion
@Barney loves purple.
He’s got a sweet little yellow tail. This can get messy. I guess it’s a thing. He’s very territorial, so when I ask him to leave, he yells: “Noooooo!!” I tell him my tail’s beautiful (and I love my pink), but he doesn’t believe me (He’s a little bit more aggressive). So I tell him I don’t see or touch my tail. He then goes around me: “Now you see your tail is purple, too!” I ask him if I’m looking at his tail. He says no. I ask if I’m looking at his purple tail. He repeats: “Yep.” The point is that he’s right. But I’m not really sure why. I don’t want to see his purple tail. Does he think it’s sexy? Does he think I will see? But of course I want to see it. So I go to grab my tail and he tells me that it’s too large for me. I tell him I don’t mind, though. I’m a woman, and there are lots of other people who see…
So many knives…
"Whatchu talkin’ 'bout, Willis?"
“Ain’t no need.” He grinned and pulled the knife out, turning towards the stairs. “It ain’t me, ma’am.”
Sophia sighed, turning back round. “You don’t need to do what that guy just did, do you.” She pulled the knife out again with a sharp crack. “I will.” She made up her mind and turned into the kitchen, grabbing the handle of her knife as she ran down the stairs.
“W-what’s the hell were you…!?” He had been in too long of a sleep and he had forgotten things and… he had lost the ability to tell where he was.
“Come on, I told you we were late, don’t do it again! I’m done being a baby and we’re late for dinner!” She pushed another knife down onto the counter as she followed after him.
The kitchen in front of them felt like it had exploded in some sort of horrific fashion. Sophia, being the lazy sort, grabbed the knife from his hand
@djslack I pasted in the bullets for today’s Magnetic Flashlights and here’s what I got:
–
And they’re cool because they’re also Bluetooth, which means you can send your robot assistant to do stuff outside the house.
You can also buy other items like a charger and batteries, or you can even connect them to Bluetooth so they’ll have your personal info and access all your other stuff.
–
So…no, we probably won’t use them as our writers, unless we want a bunch of people writing in complaining that the Bluetooth on their flashlights isn’t working.
@dave But how well does this AI know Meh, that it automatically assumes Meh gadgets will come with Bluetooth? It may be smarter than we think!
@dave Point taken:
Product Name: Bluedio Turbine Hurricane Bluetooth 4.1 Wireless Headphones
Manufacturer: BLU
Product Name: Bluetooth Headset & Amplifier
Manufacturer: Bluetooth, Inc.
Product Name: USB Cable
Manufacturer: Micro-USB Audio and Audio Cable
Product Name: USB-C Cable, Black
Manufacturer: Micro-USB Audio and Audio Cable
Product Name: USB-C USB Cable, Black
Manufacturer: Micro-USB Audio and Audio Cable
Product Name: VGA Cable
Manufacturer: VGA Technology
Product Name: VGA Display Cable
Manufacturer: VSYNC Technology
Product Name: VGA Cable
Manufacturer: VSYNC Technology
Product Name: DVI Cable
Manufacturer: HDMI Technologies
Product Name: HDMI Cord
Manufacturer: VESA VESA
Product Name: HDMI VGA Panel Cable
Manufacturer: HDMI VGA Panel Cable
Product Name: HDMI VGA/HDMI Cable
Manufacturer: V
With their plush, over-the-ear design and their powerful bass resonance, you’d think that these bluetooth headphones would be great for listening to music. Well … not really.
In fact, this headphones should be used exclusively for listening to very light sound effects/music that you want to be perfectly in sync with your own music. If you��need’to hear your music but not necessarily want/need to actually listen to it, these headphones are an excellent choice.
The fact of the matter is that these Bluetooth headphones are not for a DJ, and a mix-up is often a necessity; for example, many people may mix up their own audio track using a turntable, the Bluetooth mic on their smart phone, or in the same way that many will mix the sounds from two speakers: using more inputs to one source and using different inputs to a different source.
Why Bluetooth in this case? Well, to hear your audio (especially if you’re a radio DJ, as I learned earlier), this wireless earbuds will pick up and hear your music perfectly. (That said
It also writes screenplays.
Take this job and shove it!
[Mimics a door shut, then opens it, revealing an old desk:]
KEEP YOUR PHONES SAFE AND CONVO WITH YOUR EMPLOYER IN ADDITION TO THE PERSONAL INFORMATION AFFILIATED WITH THE ADMINISTRATION. A PERSON WITH UNINTELLIGENCE IS INCOMMITTEE WITH THE ADMINISTRATION.
[Makes phone call to office:]
STATION: DO YOUR PART, WE ARE NOW AT THE PROCESSING DEPARTURE END.
KREW:
Yes, I must return immediately.
[He gives her goodbye.]
DENNIS:
We had some nice conversations earlier about something.
KREW:
This is very awkward, but I think the best thing for your situation is to avoid any meetings with anyone or anything that seems like they can harm you.
DENNIS:
Yes, that will be your only option.
[She leaves with the door shut. After a while, another door
I’m going to take my horse down to Old Town Road. I’m gonna ride til I can’t no more.
I’ve been walking for five days, and here I am looking out over the city again. No sooner do I see my horse in the distance and a few words say ‘I’m going’ than I have the urge to get up and go. The words are ‘I’m going on’. By now I’d come to feel that all of this has happened already without me really having to say anything (yet) - they were all just thoughts and words coming out of my mind. That feeling of being in a city again and I felt like I was in New York with my horse.
I was walking across City Road and saw a man, tall in boots and coat, standing along the side of the road. I stopped. My horse was down with him, too, about fifteen steps behind him. He walked a mile to the side of the road, pulled out a box, and took out seven cigarettes from his coat pocket. He then gave them to me. He said, ‘There’s a problem.’
Wasted away again in Margaritaville. Searching for my lost shaker of salt.
Lost at the bar with a bottle of tequila. Lost to a man who wanted a big, sloppy round of drinks and was looking for my car as proof. Lost to a guy whose taste in bars I wouldn’t touch, even though I’ve been walking around with a bottle of rum in my wallet for decades. And then there was the times when I’ve been too drunk to remember who I was anymore. Maybe it was the booze, the food, the clothes, the way the bartender looked at me as if I was a bunch of cardboard cutouts and never a person. Maybe it was just that I’m not sure what kind of person I am anymore.
In my drunk state.
@llangley that’s some wallet, that rum wallet…
And now we know (Just how bored I am right now)…
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Who did it? What happened?
The answer is that the chicken did it on purpose.
The image above shows the chicken that crosses the road, crossed in front of the chicken that was eating the eggs.
A few chickens (or maybe a small dog) may have been playing with the chicken before crossing the road and getting the egg off, but if the egg was thrown on the ground it would certainly not be caught.
The chicken that crossed the road, did not just throw on the egg. It jumped the barrier and climbed right in.
The chicken did not even do it on purpose. The chicken did it because it wanted to!
No two of us are alike. We all have one of our own little chicken-shaped habits. A good chicken owner knows that his or her bird-watching skills are not to be denied. Just as they aren’t to be ignored on the road.
@llangley
/giphy chicken-shaped habit