Anyone have any comments and/or experiences about replacing a pet that has died.
8How long should one grieve before considering getting another pet? Should you get the same type within the same species or get another type? Response on those type of specific questions would be appreciated.
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Because ours are all cats adopted from the neighborhood colony, we have never faced the explicit need, but other folks I know have simply waited until they were sure that the time had come. One determined that due to life pressures, the idea had to remain off the table. I don’t think a rule as such applies.
@werehatrack I don’t think how much we realized how much everything we did everyday revolved around Walter-from when we got up each morning, to what we bought at the store, to making sure we gave him some of what we were having for dinner, to wondering when he was going to wander in the great room and/or bedroom to visit us each night or entertain us with his antics. My inclination is to start the search ASAP focusing on the parrot adoption place near us.
Do you feel like you want another pet yet?
Good luck!
I thought I’d wait a while after my last cat died, but only a few months later I decided I really needed another. I probably will only ever have cats, but have you wanted to try having a different kind of pet? Maybe spend a little time thinking about it and see what you keep coming back to… if you just really want another parrot, that’s cool, but if you’d feel like they’d never live up to Walter, maybe take a chance on something else.
@Kyeh A lot of people our age don’t opt for another pet as they figure they will outlive the pet. Since our son had already agreed to take Walter when we either couldn’t or were not around, don’t see why another bird is not in our future albeit one from a bird rescue. Only real issue with that is the bird will already have habits both good and bad that Walter didn’t have as we got him when he was 10 weeks old.
@Felton10 @Kyeh
It’s possible that bird rescue has a very young bird. Or, since your son is willing to take him/her when needed why not just get another baby bird? Just a thought.
In the same situation as @wearehatrack.
We’ve lost two this year and had another two move in.
I think the fact that we know we did all we could and we gave them the best life they could have while they were with us, helps. Were we perfect? Most likely not. But they had a place to sleep, plenty of food and clean water and love. They were taken to the vet as needed.
We don’t feel guilty that maybe we could have done more (I’ve found that taking pictures before we say goodbye helps when that feeling starts to creep in).
I’ve met people who swore they’d never get another pet because the loss is too great. Then another comes along that really needs a good home and that vow goes out the window.
It’s what you feel comfortable with. I know that nothing will ever take the place of Walter in your heart. But that’s the nice thing about hearts. There’s always the room for more love.
@lisaviolet Thanks for your insight-BTW-Happy Birthday-my Birthday is October 16th also but obviously not a very happy birthday this year.
@Felton10 @lisaviolet
Happy birthday to the both of you!
I’m going show respect and not post a gif here! Big hugs instead!
{{{HUGS}}}
@Felton10 @Lynnerizer Thank you.
@Felton10 @lisaviolet
You’re welcome!
I think the answer is different for everyone. I’ve known people who waited years and some who waited weeks. I would say if it’s something you want to do, don’t think too much about if there’s been enough time in between or not and just do what feels right. I like to think our animals live their whole lives loving to see us happy and that they would want us to be happy after their gone. As far as same breed, I think if you really loved quirks specific to the breed then go with what you know and love!
Q: “How long should one grieve before considering getting another pet?”
A: That’s highly variable. The concept of “grief” is nebulous at best and is different for each and every one. There is no right answer here but when your emotional self knows, it knows. You can carry that with you for the rest of your life and that’s totally allowed! Again - no one solution, right answer, or checklist to hold yourself or anyone to.
Q: “Should you get the same type within the same species or get another type?”
A: Completely up to you! The reality is fixed in that nothing can turn the hands of time back and nothing/no one going forward can/is a replacement. They are someone new and that can be a cat, person, keyboard, or anything and that brings new challenges, quirks thoughts, feelings. etc. Even old memories of friends or times past and that’s okay. You can be flexible and work on that in time; that’s a thing that doesn’t get solved quickly.
Be well, give well and get well, biggie!
@GetClosure perfectly stated from the perfect username
@GetClosure @llangley Yes says it all in a very concise and understandable form. There is a bird sanctuary not more than 6 miles from us that has a number of birds ready for adoption. They make you jump through a lot of hoops (home visit and coming out there multiple times to meet and get to know the bird) so that serves several purposes. It prevents making a hasty decision-one you will regret, lets you get the know the bird and him (or her) you before you take it home and it satisfies you craving for bird interaction to replace the missing bird. I will contact them tomorrow. Seems like a win win for everyone.
@Felton10 Yeah, that sounds great! Great way to thoroughly test the waters.
I just lost my dog back in August and I the “appropriate” amount of time to grief varies widely person to person. a friend of mine lost his dog when he was 15 and it took him 20 years before he was ready. I know I’m definitely not ready and feel like you should listen to your heart and not get pushed into it by others (not that anyone is doing that)
regarding getting a new pet of the ae species… again, it’s a personal decision. I usually ask myself, would I be happy with a different kind of pet?
I’ve been camping the last couple days, so I just saw the other thread. I’m very sorry to hear Walter passed away. I’m glad he got to live what sounds like a great life full of love with you. my heart goes out to you and yours. take care and you’ll know when/if it’s time to get another pet.
Echoing the above. Every person is different and there is no right answer. Mrs may feel different and her thoughts should be considered. If both of you think it is time then it is. If one needs a bit more time then talk it out.
Same species? Yes, if it makes you happy. If possible spend some time meeting and getting to know a potential new parrot.
I lost a pet over a year ago and still do not feel ready to add a new one. Maybe someday and likely the same or very similar breed.
I lost my 23 year scottish fold Floppers this summer. He was with me for over half my life at this point. The best advice I can give is let yourself grieve. You’ll know when it will be the right time. I currently have 8 manx cats but I’m coming to the realization I need another sassy fold in my life. This won’t happen anytime soon but it will happen in the next couple years.
I know people say that breed shouldn’t matter and to adopt but well… Look at this unipressed sassy motherfucker! I need that sort of judgement in my life and you just don’t get that with other breeds of cats.
well… in our particular case… we had to put our cat Buster down when I was in HS( he was around 13, My sister found him as a kitten on the playground at school when i was like 2-3, before I can really remember. we literally grew up together.)
no pets then from…roughly '95 to '09-ish…
one Icy Cold Feb. day Mom, Dad, and I get home from Supper out, and there’s this skinny little Kitty on the back porch looking in the window, meowing “HEY! ASSHOLES! IT’S FRIKKIN COLD OUT HERE, LET ME IN!”
dad just kept telling us to “Ignore it, and it will go away”
it got down to zero that night, when I left for work the next morning, she was still outside, crouched under the bird feeder, looking up, waiting for one to fly into her mouth.
later that morning, while I’m working at the store, Dad comes through with litter, Litterbox, kibble, etc.
he felt sorry for her b/c of the Cold, grabbed her by the scruff, put her in an old rabbit cage we had in the basement, took her to a local rescue, they were full, but had a vet on site, vet grabbed her flipped her over, shaved a strip off her belly, “Well She’s already been fixed, and declawed, likely around a year old”
so someone paid to have her spayed and declawed, then a few months later dumped her in the country… I’ll never understand people…
She’s always been a bit Skittish, and is def. not a lap cat, but we’ve had her…13 yrs now…(THAT doesn’t seem possible!) and she seems to have trouble jumping to couch height anymore…but…14yrs old we think?
Don’t. Phase 'em out. Look forward to no more pet chores sometime in the future.
I am over 50, but I have had dogs for over 80% of my life. Like everyone else says, a grieving period can vary.
But I also think that most pet owners understand that we will outlive our pet (even if knowing unconsciously). So while we expect to lose them eventually, I also think we are ready quicker to get a new one than most people would think.
@haydesigner Well not with birds-the life span of an african grey parrot can be anywhere from 40 to 60 years. Had already arranged for my son to take him when he couldn’t take care of him anymore.
@Felton10 @haydesigner Maybe double check with your son on his thoughts about taking on a not-Walter?
@blaineg @haydesigner Already did and he is coming down to visit in 2 months and said if we get a bird by then and the bird can say his name as Walter could then he will take him or her. BTW-we got Walter the same week as he went off to college.
@Felton10 @haydesigner Saying his name seems like a reasonable request.
@blaineg @haydesigner HYey-Walter after 26 years couldn’t even say my name.
When the time … and the pet is right you will know
Both are key
A few years ago when telling my dad that I had to put down my 21 year old best (and only) fur baby himalayan he suggested that I just get another one. I was dumbfounded by his insensitive response and chalked it up to the fact that he’s never really had a pet, not in my lifetime anyway. We did have a mini dachshund while I was growing up but he wasn’t particularly attached.
Anyway… A few days later, after I actually put my fur baby Eve down I was in more pain than ever before, my heart literally ached! I couldn’t stand the pain and the only way I could even think about healing was to get another kitten. I would’ve never thought not in a million years, dad was right!
The same breed was the only way to go because I just love everything about them. It’s actually pretty unbelievable the several things that fell into place only 2 days after I lost Eve in order to make getting my new guy Tuc home even happen. The big topper was that when I finally went to pick him up and see him for the first time, he was almost the spitting image of my girl Eve! It was obviously meant to be! Even though I still missed my girl Eve, Tucker sure did replace that horrible heaviness I felt in my heart.
Getting another pet right away doesn’t take anything away from your great memories of your Walterbird, he’d want you to have a happy heart!
@Lynnerizer That’s wonderful, and I’m glad it worked out!
She did have two more kids, but she thought that remark was unbelievably insensitive.
But that story reminds me of when a friend of mine lost her 5-year-old son, and one woman said, “Well, you’re still young - you can have another.”
@Kyeh Well DAMN! (cringe
) I’m thinking that’s about the most insensitive thing I’ve heard! 
That poor mother! 
@Lynnerizer What’s especially weird is the woman who said that had kids herself!
@Kyeh @Lynnerizer When my parents were kids, so many infants still never made it to toddler, and so many more succumbed later to things whose prevention we now take for granted, that the “you can have another” statement was nearly automatic - and most older folks remained inculcated to the idea that to have two offspring reach adulthood, you’d best start with four - even though that demonstrably wasn’t true at that point. The reality had started to change in the late 19th Century (and this was in the WWI era) but the old attitudes from the pre-microphage-theory era were still persistent even though people had a far better grasp of the need for proper sanitation by the early 20th Century. But kids still died of highly contagious communicable diseases. Broad-spectrum antibiotics were still in the future; when that era dawned with the arrival of sulfa drugs and penicillin, the child mortality rate fell enough that loss was no longer expected at all.
Later, with the arrival of early vaccinations for the worst hazards, expectation of 100% survival became the norm, but old attitudes persist long after they have changed from functional truisms to destructive anachronisms. The “you can have another” meme was still very commonly propagating when I was a kid in the late '50s and the '60s. Part of its persistence was a probably a hangover from the losses of teenagers in WWII, in families where the woman’s first had arrived at 16 or 17, as was still common in that day. Today, we tend to start far later and have fewer, often just one. “You can have another” is particularly cruel and pointless “advice” to a woman whose choices have been invisibly foreclosed either by biology or economics.
@Kyeh @werehatrack
That’s all we were saying.
Besides the fact that just because something is true or even obvious you don’t always need to speak it out loud! Some things are better off left unsaid!
There is no one answer that fits every situation. Having arrangements with your son to take care of your pet if you can’t is very wise.
My advice is go to the parrot rescue, meet the birds or learn about them. See if there is a foster program: You’d get to learn about their behavior before adopting or maybe your future is caring for parrots until they find forever homes.
Again, I’m so sorry for your loss.
I usually wait at least 4-6 weeks before I even think about getting another pet. But that’s me and since I always try to have two cats at a time, I’m not without a furry family member. I have a friend who started looking for kittens before her old cat even died (she knew it was coming and soon and that’s just how she deals with the loss of a pet). It definitely varies by the person, the situation, etc.
With the holidays coming up, if you go out of town or have family in or your routine varies greatly during that time, you might want to take that into consideration. Adopting a new family can be stressful for a pet so either getting one soon so that everyone can adjust before the holidays or waiting until things calm down after might be best. I try to make sure my routine will be fairly consistent for at least three weeks after adding a new furry (or feathered in your case) member to the family.
To your first question I will answer, you grieve as long as you need to. Pets shape you. Some more than others, but they leave a stamp on you regardless. Being sad is ok. Remembering the dumb stuff they did is also okay. Finding a new dummy to throw throw love at is also, also ok. But you don’t have to rush it to not be sad. Take some time.
To your second question I will answer, yes, no, maybe so. I grew up with dogs. First was a springer spaniel, second was a chocolate lab (her name was Mousse). I lost them both in my teenage years and it was soul shaking. Never thought I’d want to go through that again. Then I got a wife and subsequently an amazing daughter. Both terrified of big dogs. Some time ago, at an end of the season softball party one of the parents mentioned that their labs had just had a litter and wondered if I was interested. I said no. But then I asked the wrongestest question ever. “Do you have a female chocolate?”. And that was that. Luna’s been with us for 5 years now. Completely a family member. Now my wife wants an Irish Wolfhound. My girls are now big dog people.
I’m sorry to hear about Walter. He sounded like quite a character. I’m not sure if I’m correct, but I seem to recall him being an African Grey? I’ve only had an experience with one before, and if my experience was any indication, it seems like you got the cream of the crop
You seem to be a bird person. I have a friend with a cockatoo that is an absolute riot. Thinks it’s a lap bird. That bird just wants to snuggle. Also have a friend with an 11’ Burmese python. Gorgeous thing but it loves to go nose to nose with you. A little intimidating
tldr; Exhale, take your time, you’ll get it right.
@capnjb My wife said maybe we should get a little dog-I told her we know nothing about dogs and was she going to take him or her out to poop when it was raining. I was the total caregiver for Walter-especially after Walter bit my wife and drew blood a couple of times although he did pet him.
We’ve had birds for probably close to 35 years. Can remember the first time I brought home a couple of parakeets in a box that looked like it contained donut holes and the kids got all excited that I got them donut holes to eat. Promptly took the birds down in the basement and let them out to fly free as I never liked keeping birds caged (Walter was out from 9am to midnight every day). Well it took me two hours to finally catch them as I had no idea how to get the into the cage I bought for them.
@Felton10 I won’t push you in any direction, but big dogs have more waggy butts.
Our brown dog is jubilant when I come down every morning, way smarter than she looks and incredibly patient. 
I’m very sorry for your loss! It is so hard to lose a family member!
We always would go immediately and get another pet. While you can never replace the one you have lost, it is a nice distraction from the pain and sadness.
As for kind - we always adopted shelter animals. We would go to the shelter and spend time with the animals to find one we felt a connection to.
These are my experience and you will figure out what works for you. I’m just sharing what worked for us.
Good luck! Hugs!
Last picture taken of Walter-he was a good watch bird also.
You’ll know when you are really ready.
For me it was very quickly. I didn’t have a dog until later in life (wasn’t allowed to have pets as a kid). I had always wanted a dog and finally said it’s now or never. It saved me. Loved her more than anything. She got sick, it was time for her to go. I missed her soooo much. But things were very empty without her and I knew another little dog from the shelter would need love so there I went and home she came (I tend to get the ones that have issues…everyone needs love). Couldn’t imagine life without her. Everyone is different when they are ready to get that new baby…you’ll know and they will be waiting for you.
@Felton My comments are similar to everyone else. I would also say that you can get another animal even while you are still grieving. The new animal may help with the grieving process. Likewise, each animal has their own personalities and manners. Walter was incomparable. So, it’s going to be hard to find one that is like Walter. Thus, you may need to be ready to have another animal who looks like Walter, but not behave like him (or vice versa, doesn’t look like Walter, but have some of your favorite mannerisms like Walter). You’ll have to decide why you want another animal and what would be acceptable for you and your family.
As others have said when you get a new pet after one dies is so individual. Just as an aside you may find some rescue places won’t let you adopt one so close to when Walter died.
All the cats I have ever owned have had very different personalities. I’d imagine that is similar with birds. You new bird’s habits, mannerisms, following you around or not, etc. may be different. The adult rescue bird may never imprint on you the same way Walter did due to its previous life’s experience. I rescued a very abused cat from campus and it took her over 2 years to decided I was someone safe and has subsequently turned into a love bug. But a similar one I rescued some years prior to that never became a lap cat. Fostering a bird prior to adopting it might help you see if that bird is a good match (well if the rescue will let you do that) and also help you really see if you are emotionally ready yet. Whatever you do there will be an adjustment as your family and the new bird get used to each other.
You cannot replace a beloved pet. You CAN HOWEVER, at some later time, rescue a pet that needs a loving home.
@radi0j0hn My wife and I have an appt at a bird rescue sanctuary next week.
I tend to get adopted. A dog will show up.
@brainmist I got adopted at 1 day of age. And, yes, then a dog showed up.
We’re probably talking about two different things, but yeah, throw love around… it’s rewarding 
@brainmist In my case it is a cat.