AlcoHAWK and an n=1 experiment


in the interest of science. i have done an experiment. no animals were harmed during the completion of this experiment.

i received an alcoHAWK drunkenness measuring device in my latest irk. so, i figured i would see how many martinis it would take to achieve a BAC of .08. my first step, run a control and verify my BAC is measured as 0.0 prior to imbibing. results here:

my next step was to uninstall doordash and grubhub from my phone. because, let’s face it, the COVID weight ain’t going away by getting drunk for science and ordering a bunch of taco bell, arbys, and bbq. finally, my martini ingredient measurements are on point. while the amount of olive brine or vermouth may vary slightly, the amount of vodka is the same in each martini. i’ve allowed for a +/- 4 drops of vodka variance.

it should also be noted, that prior to initiating the experiment, i consumed a big ass asada burrito approximately 2 hours prior. so, the experiment was not done on an empty stomach.

experiment start time: 1716 (measured from first martini sip)

i consumed my first martini over a long period of 5 minutes. (hey… it’s been a shitty week since last week, so fuck off and leave me alone) after waiting 20 minutes per the user guide, i took the next measurement. i also used the time gap to prepare the next drink. 1st alcohawk measurement (1744):

hmm… interesting. half way to .08. oddly, i do have a very mild buzz going. maybe that burrito was eaten too far in advance? still though, my typing skills remain, and my speech seems fine. i was able to say “she sells sea shells on the see shore” normally. i was also able to play the william tell overture by snapping my fingers and clapping normally.

i remain suspicious in regards to the accuracy of this device. anywho… on to martini #2.

start time on martini #2: 1745
end time on martini#2: 1813 (not counting when final martini olive was consumed… about 1 minute later)

measurement taken at 1827:

i can still say the control phrase “she sells sea shells on the see shore” with no issue. and my hand rendition of the william tell overture is still unaffected. on to martini #3 (consumption started at 1835, ended at 1905)

so, according to the aldohawk, i’m properly schnockered. i have noticed my control phrase is coming out a bit slurred… more of a
she shells sea shells on the she shore". however, my hand rendition of the william tell overture appears to be ok. side note: i kind of want another burrito. what fuckface uninstalled my food apps???

due to a lack of preparedness, i’m out of olive brine, so i must end the experiment here. i very much question the accuracy of the alcohawk. on the other hand, the entertainment value of this device at a party is very high. i would have liked to have received more than the 3 disposable tips though. maybe meh can send me more so that i may make this a more than n=1 experiment.

until such a time though, peace out you magnificent fuckers!