When "MVP" stands for "Minimum Viable Pulverizer".

Anybody can type the words “In mere seconds, Yonanas turns frozen bananas into an astonishing facsimile of soft-serve ice cream, without the additional fat, sugar, preservatives, and additives. You can also mix other stuff in like chocolate, frozen fruit, and cubes of frozen soy milk for a wider variety of flavors.” Talk is cheap. Videos, though - those are not very cheap. You can see the Yonanas Elite in action in today’s Meh video, over there to the right. There, see? It does that thing!

Alas, we can’t actually extrude finished Yonanas desserts from your computer yet so you can taste it for yourself. But as an Amazon reviewer points out, “You have to like the flavor of bananas to like the flavor of the dessert.”. We guess you can use other frozen fruits to make sorbets, but don’t expect that creamy soft-serve texture that only mushy yet fibrous bananas can provide. And Disney fanatics, Yonanas (partially owned by Dole) can make you a Dole Whip without your having to go to the Enchanted Tiki Room (animatronic parrots not included).

Couldn’t you just do all this with a blender? No. You’d need a much more expensive blender to get this texture, and it would be more of a hassle to make, and a blender wouldn’t serve up the dessert like ice cream, and a blender would be harder to clean. With Yonanas, as the manual puts it, you simply “freeze bananas, yo, and enjoy!” Sorry, Yonanas, we’re not getting on your “‘yo’ is a verb” train. But we cannot deny your clear superiority at making frozen creamy banana stuff.

But even if you accept that Yonanas can change your life, maybe you notice that you could save a few bucks buying a cheaper model. It kinda seems like the basic Yonanas and this Yonanas Elite do the same thing. But with the cheaper, flimsier Yonanas model, you get free bonus stuff like “ear-splitting noise” and “chunkier, less smooth texture” and “more plastic instead of metal” and “much higher risk of breakdown.”

Instead of “Elite”, they should really call this model something like “Yonanas MVP” for “Minimum Viable Pulverizer”, as a creamy-banana-loving software developer might say, And the chintzy-ass plastic base model should be “Yonanas For People Who Don’t Care If They Own A Yonanas Machine A Year From Now.” If that’s you, here’s a hot tip for saving even more money: don’t buy Yonanas at all.