Unsimply Stitched 3-Pack: Men's/Women's Dress Socks or 2-Pack: Men's Boot Socks

  • 3-pack of men’s dress socks, 3-pack of women’s dress socks, or 2-pack of men’s boot socks
  • Shoes not included
  • They look fun, right?!
  • Model: 50CK-N-R0LL
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Pip Monclantz

Many don’t believe me when I tell them that I was once a simple clown. They smirk at me, incredulous, as I discuss of my time on the rodeo circuit, of hitching a ride with a traveling circus, of juggling on street corners while a small stereo played the skipping CD of “Entry of the Gladiators” on repeat. Those days, I’d be lucky to collect a few lowly bills in the overturned hat at my feet.

But in some ways, they’re right to doubt my tale of “humble origins.” For, while each story I tell of those early days is true, had I ever really been Pip Monclantz the simple clown, then I could never have become who I am today: Pip Monclantz, founder of CEO of ClownCorp Inc., the only novelty company to clear 170 billion in annual revenue. In other words, I was never like the other clowns in clown school. I set my sights on something bigger from day one.

And yet…

It’s strange, isn’t it? How we are able to maintain such a high standard when it comes to our products. Our Hilariously Honkable Noses, for example, are capable of issuing a shriek that has been known, on occasion, to inspire procreation among a brace of nearby ducks despite it being well outside of mating season. And our Wild Whoopee Cushions issue such pure and guttural flatulence that 87% of people who sit on one end up soiling themselves, their bodies taking the fabricated sound for something true and giving in to what seems inevitable. And just last year Mickey Roddlen finished second in the Tour De France using a performance unicycle prototype that I myself designed.

So, what’s my secret? How does a man who summers in a chateau on the French coast and eats caviar every night, the product of his own fish farms–how does he continue to hold a finger to the pulse of novelty product industry?

It’s simple: I embrace my clowning origins. I adhere a water-filled flower to the labels of my custom tailored suits and drive a tiny Bentley with a surprisingly roomy interior to the office most days.

But really, I embrace my inner goofball by wearing these wildly patterned Unsimply Stitched socks. For, as long as I have them on, all I must do is look to my ankle and remember: I am in the funny business.

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