Too late It’s over

Ultrasonic Exfoliating Deep Pore Cleanser with Mister

This thing retails for $299! So that’s what we were going to sell it for.
But then we read that its “Ultrasonic vibrating waves help even out skin tone while brightening discoloration.”
That sounded fishy to us, so we decided that, if we’re going to discount a whole feature, we should probably discount a number from the price as well.
Hence, $29.
But, like, it will scrub, exfoliate, and mist your face.
Model: F4C3-TH3-F4CT5.

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That One "Feature"

Let’s just run through some of what this product claims to offer:

First off, it’ll scrub your skin. That seems hard to deny. Scrubbing is not some ethereal, hard-to-put-your-finger-on feeling. It’s an action. It also “gently exfoliates the skin” and “removes dirt & daily grime.” That too is difficult to dispute, although you might say it’s basically the definition of what “scrubbing” is: the removal and dirt and grime by way of gentle exfoliation. We’re even willing to permit that the mister serves some purpose, partially because its extract–made of vanilla and coffee, to “wake up” skin cells–clouds our better judgment by making us thirsty for a vanilla latte.

Then, there’s this:

Ultrasonic vibrating waves help even out skin tone while brightening discoloration.

Hmmm…

Here’s a good rule of thumb: if a product boasts a feature that can’t be seen, can barely be felt, and promises something almost impossible to measure–like skin tone balance–there’s a good chance that that feature is bullshit. Now, do we know it’s bullshit? No. But therein lies the gamble they’re making here: that we can’t prove it doesn’t work means we can’t outright say “it doesn’t work.”

The most annoying part about this is that it’s not a bogus product, just a potentially bogus feature. Yet, the reasonable response to a potentially bogus feature is to look for other even more bogus features. What other lies are lurking around here? you start to wonder. Does it really scrub? Does it really gently exfoliate? Does a coffee-vanilla mist really “wake up” skin cells? What are skin cells? Do they really exist? Do I really exist?

But you don’t need to go down that rabbit hole of doubt and existential terror. Because we’re here to tell you that you do exist, and skin cells do exist, and this thing will clean your face if you want it to. Just don’t rely on its magnetronic pulsations to redistribute lip color.

(We made that one up. Pretty good, right?)

Ultrasonic Exfoliating Deep Pore Cleanser with Mister

That One "Feature"

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