The Toast Is (Not) Clear

What is an impression toaster? It’s simple. It’s a toaster that impresses images onto your toast. So that usually drab unartistic slice of sour dough you eat with your eggs for breakfast? Now, it’s got a rainbow on it. Or a flower. Or some hearts. Or a smiley sun.

Is it a little corny? Sure. But c’mon. Isn’t this the exact time when you could use a corny pick-me-up every time you make yourself a BLT? Or, if not for you, might your kids get a kick out of it?

But, we need to reiterate: this is a simple two-slot toaster with four easily removable magnetic plates that make for some cute designs.

We want to be abundantly clear about this in case there are some amateur filmmakers out there. You see, with how similar they look, it would be easy to mis-construe this toaster for one of the wildly advanced gluten-effects machines used to create such stunning visuals as the ones in classics of the bread-cinema genre, such as:

• How To Lose A Rye In Ten Days;
• Collateroll;
• From Crust till Dawn;
• Wheat Joe Black;
• La Femme Pumpernnikita;
• We Ciabatta Zoo;
• Baguette Shorty;
• Dough Versus The Volcano;
• Naan in 60 Seconds;
• Loafie’s Choice;
• The Challahnted Mr. Ripley;
• and Focacc Me If You Can.

Again, this is not one of those machines. That’d be incredibly expensive, and honestly would only appeal to a niche audience of up-and-coming bread directors and cinematographers.

So, for the last time: what we’re selling here is a toaster that makes cute doodles on your toast for $19.