Sunbeam Touch Up and Go Iron Kit
- Dual ceramic soleplates iron both sides at once: wait, why aren’t all irons like this?
- Three temperature levels for the varied composition of your vestments
- Shuts off after 15 minutes so you don’t burn your house down, you scatterbrain
- Model: GCSBTG
I AM IRON MAN
What is going on?
Ironing the clothes he’s got on <sup>1</sup>
Master of sleeve and cuff
For Iron Mitt, perfection is never enough
Born to rule the land
With iron burns on his wrists and hands
Knows how it feels to kill
But only “small varmints, if you will” <sup>2</sup>
Forged in scorching heat
Does he iron the socks on his feet?
Howling in the night
In Michigan “trees are just the right height” <sup>3</sup>
Nobody told him
Don’t iron your sleeve, you’ll get burned
Someone should have told him
How much middle-class people earn <sup>4</sup>
He’ll endure any hurt
In pursuit of a well-pressed shirt
To you and me it seems insane
But Iron Mitt feels no pain
Nobody knows if
He’s programmed or autonomous
Look at today’s contenders
Turns out the joke’s on us
The current candidates
Make Iron Mitt look pretty great
Maybe he should run again
Come back, Iron Mitt, all is forgiven
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Sunbeam Touch Up and Go Iron Kit 139
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Stinky Pinky singz: Iron Mitt 29
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Do you iron your clothes? 32
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Pics of your go-to coffee mug 90 -
Meh needs to accept Going Political 27 -
Still waiting for USPS to get back to me after losing my package... 16 -
meh needs to accept hypersensitive conservative crybabies 2 -
I want an Irk mug damn it! 20