Top Travel Tips For Two Thousand And Whatever-It's-Gonna-Be

The New York Times took a break from their torrent of fake news recently to publish some travel tips from 2017. But 2017 is, like, the past, man. Meh writer and frequent flyer @skemmehs here with my Top Travel Tips for 2018:

Tip #1: Get a bag, like this Solo briefcase, that has one of those little straps that connects it to the handle of your roller.
It’s such a simple feature — literally a single strap — but it improves the experience of schlepping your stuff through the airport tremendously. It means you don’t have to precariously balance your briefcase or purse on top of your roller bag. It also makes you appear like a traveler who knows what they’re doing. I just don’t get why in took until the 2010s for this feature to go mainstream, and why every single bag doesn’t now have it. Anyway…

Tip #2: Go someplace that would worry your mom.
I took a trip to Mexico City recently, and my mom had an endearingly mom-like concern for my well-being. Turns out the city is fantastic, clean, beautiful, cheap, and relatively free of shitty American tourists. You see, if your mom wouldn’t want to go there, it means tens of thousands of other moms and mom-like tourists will also avoid the place, leaving only the danger-seeking young and hip. Other locales that fit this criterion: Colombia, Nicaragua, and Egypt.

Tip #3: Don’t check in for your flight if your assigned seat sucks
This is for real. Almost all the U.S. airlines have introduced “basic economy” and “premium economy” seats. You have to pay to get into the premium economy seats, but you can get bumped into one if you don’t check in and all the basic economy seats get taken. If you’re assigned a middle seat in the back of the plane you have nothing to gain by checking in and the possibility of an upgrade to premium economy if you don’t.

Tip #4: Stay at a shared Airbnb to remind yourself how good your normal life is
If you’re an adult who hasn’t had a roommate in years or decades, you should check out a shared Airbnb. Not only are they a lot cheaper, but they’ll remind you how good life is when you’re not sharing a bathroom, kitchen, and auditory environment with a person you barely know. You’ll come back home full of newfound appreciation for pooping in your very own toilet.

Tip #5: Give the armrest to the poor sucker in the middle seat
The etiquette of armrest sharing is ill-defined. Some seatmates take a might-makes-right approach, staking their claim to the armrest early with firmly jutted elbows. But I preach a gospel of fairness: The person in the middle seat should have full reign over both adjoining arm rests, as they have nowhere else to go. The sybarites in the aisles and window seat can lean and stretch elsewhere — they have no claim over those armrests.

Have travel advice of your own or questions for me? Post ‘em in the comments!