Simplisafe 10-Piece Security System
- A keypad, a base station, a motion sensor, 5 entry sensors, a panic button, a yard sign, and some window decals arrive in the mail.
- This isn’t a set-up for a joke.
- It’s just what’ll happen if you purchase this SimpliSafe system.
- There aren’t any long term contracts, nor is there any drilling/hardwiring to do.
- It really is just simple. And safe. (See what we did there?)
- Model: SS2-4-10, called such after the Naval boat docked in John SimpliSafe’s hometown when he was boy.
A Sign That We're Running Out Of Things To Say
There’s a base station that’ll send all your alarm signals to SimpliSafe’s 24/7 alarm monitoring center. And there’s a keypad that’ll keep sounding those alarms even if it’s been smashed. And there’s a motion sensor, and 5 entry sensors, and a panic button for if you’re home during a break-in. There’s even a keychain remote.
That’s a lot of stuff. And yet, it is all surprisingly straightforward. Like, you set it up, and it protects your house. Even the company name–SimpliSafe–seems like something that could be accompanied by a shrug and a grumbling, “what the hell else you want us to say?”
Or maybe this is how we feel because we’ve sold these things before. Like, you read the specs for one of the best security systems enough times and you start to take its level of quality for granted. All those sensors and that connectivity? Eh. We’ve seen it all before. And sure, that’s only on the other SimpliSafe sales we’ve run, but you get what we’re saying.
Basically, we need a new angle. Or 4 new angle. 4 new right angles forming a square.
What we’re saying is: all these times we sell SimpliSafe products, we’ve discussed its various bells and whistles, but we often ignore the most important part–the 9" x 9" yard sign informing passers-by that your house is secure.
Because really, if you think about it, all those alarms, those panic buttons–you don’t WANT to use them. You want this to be a bad purchase. You want to be moving out of your house and stumble upon the various entry sensors, set up but covered in dust, and think, “I guess these never got any action.” Because while a security system makes it easier to deal with a break-in, there’s still nothing particularly easy about the process.
That’s where the sign comes in. It tells people, “STEP OFF! We got this shit locked down.” Or, to put it differently: it’s like when your basketball team has a great defensive player. Sure, some are going to challenge them, but others are going to know their reputation and not even pass the ball to their assignment.
Or something. Look, it made sense in our head. But really, we’re just not sure what else to say about SimpliSafe.
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