Change It Up

We’re offering this weighted blanket today because we think it’s time for a transition.

Look, you did a great job. Seriously, you did. It came time to stay in and, after a little while getting your ramshackle home office assembled, you were ready to diversify your hobby portfolio. You started baking sour dough. You tackled a few home improvement projects you’d been putting off. You did some landscaping. You set up a weekly Zoom hangout with your buddies far and wide to have a beer and talk about how things are going.

Now?

You’re dealing with serious carb bloat. There aren’t any more walls to paint. All that progress you made with your lawn and those flower beds out front? It’s dead and frozen for the next few months. As for those Zoom hangs, well, it’s tough when catching up with friends is really just a reminder of how little you have to catch up on.

Your attempt to ride elbow-grease and flour to the light at the end of the tunnel has been impressive and enriching. The only problem is, the tunnel just keeps going.

Which is the point of the aforementioned transition. It’s about to a be a whole new year, and we think that warrants a whole new strategy. You’re done doing projects. It’s time to bear the fuck down! We’re talking TOTAL HIBERNATION!

Here’s how it works:

1. Buy this weighted blanket.

2. When it arrives, lay down on the couch and pull it over you, allowing the heavy beads inside to sooth your anxious soul with the sensation of being continually hugged.

3. Turn on some Netflix.

4. There is no step 4.

Feel free to get up for occasional snacks (and work, and showers… WE GUESS). Otherwise, this is your life now. Like we said, you tried your best. Which is why it’s time to try doing something new: absolutely nothing!