That's Harsh, Man

When we saw that this Shark vacuum had 1,228 mostly good Amazon reviews, we thought we’d highlight some of the best (and worst) examples. But we came upon a review titled “I like the Shark” that rendered all others unworthy of mention. This 3-star review (yes, a 3-star review called “I like the Shark”) from user Kent Harshman begins thusly:

I like the Shark.

Very well, Kent. You like the Shark. What then warranted the 3-stars? The next line (literally on another line, like a poem or 3rd-grade book report) reads:

I love that there is no bag to deal with.

Still sounds pretty positive, Kent …

I feel like there are so many pieces I have to carry around to get my cleaning finished.
I don’t like how the parts get so dirty but understand that this is the downside to having no bag.

Yes, the lack of bag giveth and it taketh away.

I love the long cord I don’t have to keep unplugging and changing outlets.
I love that you can get under a lot of furniture.
I love that it’s light-weight; it took a bit of getting use to because I had a canister before.

So much love! Though the Shark’s light weight requires some “getting used to” for some reason. But Kent doesn’t have time to explain. Kent moves on:

I had to order extra “dust away pads” for hard wood floors; we only received one with our shark.
I do love the hook to hang it up at least it’s out of the way when I’m finished cleaning.
I do think it cleans very well.

It seems, Kent, that you have positive feelings toward the Shark. We might go so far as to say that you “Like the Shark.” Whither those 2 stars?

Over all I like it; but I’ve only had it for a short period of a time, and I did own a canister before. It will take a while to get use to it, so I’ll have a better idea if you can check back with me in a couple of months.

Here Kent abandons the bold stylistic choice of beginning every sentence with a new line and the word “I” to emphasize this vague, unhelpful conclusion. Then:

Thank you
Cindy Harshman

CINDY??? Of course! The structure, the prose style, the hypnotic sing-song — it all smacks of Cindy rather than Kent Harshman. You’re welcome, Cindy. You’re welcome.