Pure Enrichment Hume Ultrasonic Cool Mist Humidifier
- You only need to refill it every 12 hours which Pure Enrichment says is “convenient overnight use,” which begs the question: who are these amazing disciplined people who manage to get 12 hours of sleep each night?
- Variable mist settings charitably do not include a Myst setting, which is where you keep clicking but NOTHING HAPPENS!
- Works without making almost any noise.
- Model: PEHUME, which, fun fact, is a series of letters that cannot be pronounced without sounding like a) a fart noise, or b) something fart adjacent.
Humidify The Odds
Ladies and gentleman, friends and enemies, lovers and fighters, today we offer you something incredible: control of our most essential invisible resource, the very air we breath.
Birds? They are mere riders of the sky, nothing more than hangers-on. Airplanes? For all of their ingenuity, their undeniable feats of engineering, they still must heed the air’s wishes. When the air says, I shall have a massive storm here, in your flight path, does the plane puff out its chest and cry, Not today, air! Your storm can wait? No! The plane says, Ah, yes sir, yes sir, whatever you prefer, air! We shall find a new way to where we are going! And if the air says, The storm will be massive; there is nowhere to go, the plane replies with a nervous laugh, and says, Of course, sir! Totally understandable, sir! Take your time, sir! We will be right down here on the ground if you need us, sir!
In other words, birds are nihilists and planes are weak-willed.
You are neither.
The air might find its way through some unseen passageway into your house in the dead of night, at the height of winter. And it may say to you, Behold my dryness! It may say, Watch, as your knuckles fissure and grow red! Watch as your skin flakes! Watch as your lips chap, even in here, where you thought you were safe from my wrath! It will cackle with bitter delight as it watches you apply lotion and balm, knowing they are like cheap bandaids in the shadow of its vengeance.
Then the air will feel something itself, a chill. But more than that: it will feel the slow in-creep of moisture. It will say, Is there some glitch in your heating and cooling system? And you will point to your Pure Enrichment Cool Mist Humidifier, and you will say, “No, there is no glitch at all.” Then you will say, “Now dance, air!” And it will cry tears of humidity, but it will dance! Oh, it will dance!
Yes, we are still talking about a humidifier.
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Pure Enrichment Hume Ultrasonic Cool Mist Humidifier 59
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