Pop Sonic PRO4 Rechargeable UV Sanitizing Toothbrush with Case

  • You clean your teeth with the toothbrush capable of 40,000 vibrations per minute.
  • You clean the toothbrush with the UV sanitizer case capable of killing 99% of the E. coli, Streptococcus mutans, and Candida albicans that might be lurking on the toothbrush.
  • You clean the UV sanitizer case by gently biting it with your teeth.
  • Behold, the cycle of teeth!
  • (But don’t actually bite the case; that was a joke.)
  • Model: PS20489, PS20496, PS20502, because these brushes are going to take your teeth the public school of being clean!
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Time Is A Circle

The year was 2011. I was but a young man of 25 with just a few publications and nary an hour of copywriting under my belt. I wanted to make a career of stringing words together, but how?

Then came something across my computer screen: a job ad! For a company! The very same company from which my father purchased Sansa MP3 players just about every other week! They were looking not only for a writer but a funny one.

I applied. I waited. I waited some more. I fretted that I would not be considered. But soon enough, there came an email, and a phone interview, and the phone interview went well, and then came the “audition piece.”

This, of course, was the most exciting and yet also the most terrifying step of the process. It gave me a chance to truly show my skills, and yet… what if they said no now? At any other of the preceding steps, I could have rationalized, could have said, “Oh well, my resume isn’t so impressive,” or “probably they already had someone in mind,” or “it’s possible, they can’t relocate someone from Illinois to Washington.”

To be turned down after submitting a writing sample would mean something much worse: I just wasn’t good enough.

So I paced in front of my desk, waiting for the email to come in with the product I would be asked to write about, the product that would make or break my future. What complicated technological wonder would I be asked to gently mock? What kind of complicated, cutting edge piece of hardware would I be up against?

After weeks or months (but actually probably a day) it arrived. And when I opened it my eyes went wide and my mind was consumed by a single question:

Wait, what the fuck is a UV toothbrush cleaner?

I learned quickly. I read about how each flush of a toilet can send all sorts of germs and nasty stuff far into the air, and that it can settle on your toothbrush. And I read about how UV light purports to kill 99% of E. coli, Streptococcus mutans, and Candida albicans. I wrote up a couple funny jokes about it and can you believe it, I got the job.

Since then, I’ve lived in 5 different cities, worked a variety of jobs, gone to grad school, gotten married, and written a novel. And it was all leading towards this moment, every step carrying me closer to today… when I’m still writing about damn UV toothbrush cleaners.

Although, to be fair, this one comes with a toothbrush.

So far today...

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